Unsatisfied in marriage

Hi All - just a bit of background here!

I will be married 3 years this May - Hubby and I have had our fair share of issues - his infidelity being the main one (he kissed a work colleague at an Xmas nigh out the Xmas after we got married) We decided to work through it and thus far things have been good

Anyway, to cut a long story short I don't feel my sexual and emotional needs are being met by him (he is constantly at me to try new things and has a lot higher a sex drive than me) and I have recently started looking at other men and thinking 'yes, he is hot'

There is one man in particular at my work I have been thinking about a lot recently, although we have barely worked together or spoken and I feel like I am developing a bit of a crush on him.

I feel bad looking at other men but things have gone really stale recently and I feel the spark has died

Has anyone else experience this?

Thanks,

 

Posts

  • Tanya128Tanya128 Posts: 1,993

    Nope not me, but I think that maybe you and your husband should go to relate, sounds like there are some major issues in your relationship that you need to sort out. Good luck.

  • QueenDQueenD Posts: 325 New bride

    Oh that's a delicate one, and maybe one that is difficult to advise or comment on..

    I would say you guys need to do some serious talking and take it from there.

    Every couple has ups and downs but the key I think is to tackle and work on them together, so hope you guys can do that.

    Best of luck xx

  • Hello Kitty!

    Sorry to hear that you are having doubts. You are allowed to find other people attractive as marriage doesn't stop you being human, so don't be too hard on yourself, but acting on these feelings in the way your husband did is totally out of bounds. How did you find out if you don't mind me asking? And were you young when you got together?

    I would say if your feelings for your colleague go on for months then I would try talking to your husband and distance yourself from this work guy as much as possible. Your husband should be understanding, especially given his own infidelities. And it may give him the kick he needs to realise how close he is to losing you and put some effort in.

    I agree that Relate would be a smart move - but I know that getting your husband to agree would be difficult. Sexual & emotional needs are intrinsically linked, so I would work on the emotional ones first by booking a country escape and spending quality time together. Talk, laugh, enjoy each other's company and importantly, get some rest! Tiredness and routine are the ultimate passion killer.

  • Hi

    Thanks for replies

    Rosegold we met at age 23, married at 28 and are now 31. He came tight out and told me he had cheated so I am thankful he did that in a way and didn't keep it from me

    Tanya & QueenD  - I have been to counselling myself for other reasons (work related stress etc) but I feel that now some time has passed since his indiscretion its now too late to effectively open old wounds and may be a case of 'closing the gate once the horse has bolted'

    Thanks again!

  • I 100% wouldnt tell him about the guy from work. Nothing has happened, you barely know the man. All you are doing is projecting a load of 'ideals' at an attractive man. But you do need to distance yourself to stop this situation. It's not helping anything.

    Just because that Xmas kiss was years ago doesn't make it less relevant. If it bothers you still (and it would me so don't feel bad about that) then talk about it.

    Couselling is a good suggestion.

  • EpiphanyEpiphany Posts: 718

    When people are unhappy in a relationship it is very easy to develop a crush on someone we only vaguely know - it's kind of an escape.  Acting on the crush and aiming to develop a relationship can be harmful to your relationship and your own emotional well-being.

    If possible, before you make any rash decisions about the future of your relationship, or jeapordise it, try and get some help through Relate to fully explore the reasons why things are the way they are between you and your husband and how things can be resolved.

    Both of you need to talk about how you feel as, obviously, it takes two to make the relationship work.

    Wishing you luck x

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Theres lots of good ideas here. At the end of the day do you want to stay, do you love him? Is it worth fighting for?  Im just divorced after my 28 years of marriage was broken by my ex having an affair that he had for 2 years and no i didnt guess.   Its been a painful time but my new fiance and i met online about 4 months after we split up and we get married in 5 months.  Life goes on. 

     

    relationships are complicated and you really do have to think carefully about what you really want because in the end you only have 1 life. 

    kitty 

     

  • Hi All

    Yes I do want to stay with him and I do love him more than I could ever express but at the same time I can't help thinking I shouldn't be feeling like this after only 3 years of marriage

    I feel like we have been married forever and that the 'spark' has totally gone now

    I am having counselling myself for other reasons not related to my marriage (work related stress has been a huge issue for me this last year, long story about performance management and my boss threatening to sack me....! I am now in a new job at same company)

    I think actually the best thing I can do for myself is take a week's leave from work to just be on my own!

    Thanks again!

     

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