Well thats a slight spanner in the works...

After all of the BM drama I have had from day one all I can do is laugh!!!

Its 3 months till my wedding and on Saturday I received a call from one of my BMs telling me she can no longer come to my hen do and wont be able to be a BM anymore.

BM dresses, shoes, accommodation, jewellery, etc is all paid for by myself and my OH and were all bought a few months ago therefore there is no chances of refunds.  Its not about the money though to be honest, I'm feeling down for a few reasons but I know it cant be helped and there is no point feeling sorry for myself.

She is pregnant. I am of course over the moon for her and excited and haven't let her know at all that I feel a little crushed. It wouldn't be fair on her.  She was worried about telling me and about the money I've spent on her, I've just told her not to give it another thought and that she needs to concentrate on herself and the baby now and we will be fine making the changes to the day.  

Honestly, all I can do is just shrug it off and carry on. xxx 


  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    But why can't she be a bm?

  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    To be honest, I don't know.  I've told her that we can always assess nearer the time and see how she feels.  She just said on the phone that she couldn't do it now.

    I didn't push her for answers. I've emailed her today and told her that I completely support her in any decision she makes regarding her involvement  in our wedding, its not high on her priorities right now as the baby was a slight shock to her. 

    You never know, when she gets her head around it she may be ok and up for being involved again, but for now I am man down!!! lol! xx


  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    That's awful to be honest, is she still coming to the wedding?

  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    I bl00dy hope so!!! lol!! her boyfriend is our bestman!!! lol!! she didn't mention the wedding but they asked if they can come over one evening to talk to us both?! we are guessing its to discuss money as we have paid out a lot for the pair of them although we have already decided to just cut our losses and not take anything from them. x


  • MrsG2bxx wrote (see post):

    She was worried about telling me and about the money I've spent on her, I've just told her not to give it another thought and that she needs to concentrate on herself and the baby now and we will be fine making the changes to the day.  

    Honestly, all I can do is just shrug it off and carry on. xxx 

    You are allowed to secretly go rrrraaahhhhh  though.

    You are a good friend taking this on the chin. I must be honest though, if I was your BM I would at least offer to contribute towards the lost expenses, or help you to sell the dress etc.

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    Maybe she thinks she cant be one because the dress wont fit? 

    I can understand the hen do, and maybe she feels itd be a step too far to have the dress be altered or replaced after youve already paid?

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 3,975 New bride

    Yes, I don't see why she can't be a BM still! One of my sister's BMs got pregnant by surprise, she must have been around 6 months by the wedding. We had her satin dress altered with lace panels to take it out and all went ahead as planned. My sister was a bit miffed that preggers didn't offer to pay for the alterations herself- suppose she should have been glad she didn't just drop out completley!

  • I think it's really nice how you've supported your friend even though it's a massive disappointment to you (and an expensive one at that!)

    I'm sorry it's happened but this way hopefully the friendship will be maintained and she will have an amazing time as a guest.

    Youre entitled to privately want to scream though!

  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    Its all very up in the air at the mo.  I've decided not to panic or get over-thinking until mid-March / April time and then I will speak to her and see how she is feeling about it all and if she would still like to try and be a BM.  Obviously if she is getting big then the dress wont fit and its a very awkward dress to have altered.  I was told from the start that alterations would have to be minimal and as luck would have it nothing needed doing to this particular BMs dress lol! which is typical! it fit her like a glove and she looks unbelievable in her dress so I am really gutted I don't get to show her off!

    I'll just take it as it comes.  I have to remember all that really matters is myself and h2b turn up whether she is stood with me or not lol! xxx


  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    I privately had a couple of tears on Saturday night and then cozied up with H2B to watch a movie and haven't let myself feel sad about it anymore xx


  • Agree this is what friendship is about, and taking it on the chin (please feel to rant though to strangers it is allowed). 

    At present she may not feel up to being a bridesmaid when pregnant with my second child I didn't bloom and in fact wilted. I had morning sickness everyday for the whole pregnancy and my skin, hair and feet just looked like they belonged to a hobbit. She may also not want the fuss, people especially older generations get very excited about pregnant ladies

  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    Oh exactly! bless her, she isn't actually feeling too well right now which is why I didn't press for more info on the phone and have asked her not to give it any more of her time.  Its a little glitch but it certainly hasn't ruined anything and myself and h2b just want the best for them both.  As I say, she is my BM and he is our best-man so they are very loved and cared for and we will all work it out. 

    Obviously its nice to come on here just to get it off my chest, if I speak to my mum she will have a meltdown and it'll be the worst thing to have ever happened. Ever! lol! 


  • This exact situation has just happened to me! I found out yesterday that one of my BMs is pregnant and due right around the date of my wedding! 

    I feel sad that she might not get to be at that the wedding and we have everything for her in terms of dress, flowers, hair and make up etc but she has said that whilst she will be at the wedding, she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid right now because she doesn't want to be in any photos etc when she won't be feeling great. She's said that she still wants to be there on the morning of the wedding though to get ready with us though.

    We've agreed to play it by ear for now and see how she feels closer to the time - this is her first so we don't know how she will be feeling. I've said to her that even if it comes to the day before the wedding and decides she is feeling okay that I'd love for her to still be a BM. We'll be paying for her and her partner to come anyway so it makes no difference to us. We might just have to make room for her hospital bag or newborn baby! 

Sign In or Register to comment.