Sick of everyone!!
Apologies but I need a good rant!!
I was brought up by my dad and step mum and have 3 older brothers (2 eldest had left home and the other lived with us for a few years) My mum was on the scene but we only saw her now and again.
Theres always been a constant battle between my mum and step mum and my brothers have never liked her.
Last year everything came to a head at xmas whem sm acted like an idiot and my dad left her. All the family were chuffed to bits but I was gutted. We all rallied around him but one day he disappeared and around a week later sent us all a text saying he was back with her and wasnt going to speak to anyone until he was happy with her. Well, that didnt go down very well and for the last 14 months, my brothers have developed a hatred for him and and even bigger hatred for her. My mum has been great though!
So, i got engaged in florida last september and sent my dad a message. He didnt get it and found out through facebook making our relationship even worse! But the thought of the wedding was looming. The more my dad acted badly, the easier it was to exclude him and basically pretend i didnt care. I went around telling everyone he wasnt invited, somehow justifying it to myself, even writing it on here on a previous post.
My brothers have said that if he came, they wouldnt come and neither would any of my family. It broke my heart but i pretended to be ok with it.
Then.... My dad contacted my Dad contacted me and wanted to see me. He drove up on Thursday, we had a heart to heart and it took me a whole 5 minutes to completely break down.
I miss my Dad so much it hurts. I always imagined him being there for my wedding, planning it with me, being a shoulder to cry on, my step mum dress shopping and being even more excited than me. I want my dance with my dad and to see his face when im in my dress.
But I'm basically being told no. You cant have that. You cant have the wedding day you want.
My dad said not to worry, he wont kick up a fuss and doesnt want to ruin my day so will just not go. But him not being there does ruin my day. But not having my brothers there also riuns my day! Im literally held over a barrel as to what to do! Ive put it all to the back of my day but now im facing the reality and tbh, I just dont want to have my wedding day any more as to me, it just seems too painful. I just dont know what to do! Im sick of crying my eyes out!
My fh just thinks i shouldnt be bothered, he just doesnt get it which just makes things worse.
Right now, I'm a step away from cancelling everything as just thinking about the wedding makes me physically sick!
Sorry for the long post, I'm desperatd for outside advice!