Feeling down in the dumps

Hi everyone. I think I'm just writing this down to get my feelings out. So basically I'm feeling totally deflated. I have my wedding booked for September 2018, would have loved to do it sooner but we needed time to save.

So a few months ago my cousin announced her engagement. It was a short engagement and a couple of weeks ago they set their date, 5 month before mine. I am really happy for them both but I can't help feeling a bit crappy aswel, basically being selfish.

Her family are very in your face so to speak, whereas mine are not. Everytime I see them or look on Facebook I see something about their wedding and their plans. I can't remember the last time any of our family asked me about mine. It's like my wedding isn't as important or it isn't happening. Sorry for the long post, just feeling sorry for myself lol.

Posts

  • Hey Stacey

    Sounds like maybe her family are just more demonstrative than yours?

    I can imagine what you mean though, her wedding being before yours must feel a bit like she's stolen your thunder?

    Have you started a planning thread? I bet we all want to know all about your wedding even if your family aren't excited yet.

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    My family hasn't been bothered about mine either, it doesn't get mentioned.

    My moh's daughter us getting married after me but again mine hasnt had a look in.

    Ive just accepted it now ... I'm enjoying the planning, quietly plodding along on my own.... It is rather lonely though.

  • Thank you, and no I havnt as everything just seems to have ground to a halt lately with it still being so far way.

    I know you are right, my family are just a lot more reserved. I suppose sometimes I wish they could just be a bit more like them so I felt they were actually interested. I am quite a reserved person myself and in no way am I a, look at me kind of person, but it would just be nice to feel like they are actually bothered lol xx

  • Badgersbetty I feel the same. I don't have a lot of close friends so support from family would be nice xx

  • August18August18 Posts: 247

    A planning thread on here is a good idea like the above said. I love reading them! X

    Completly understand what your feeling...  like yours has Been Forgotten/ less important ? Xx

  • Badgersbetty wrote (see post):

    My family hasn't been bothered about mine either, it doesn't get mentioned.

    My moh's daughter us getting married after me but again mine hasnt had a look in.

    Ive just accepted it now ... I'm enjoying the planning, quietly plodding along on my own.... It is rather lonely though.

    Is there a reason they havnt really been involved? Or why they favour the mom's daughter xx

  • August18 wrote (see post):

    A planning thread on here is a good idea like the above said. I love reading them! X

    Completly understand what your feeling...  like yours has Been Forgotten/ less important ? Xx

    Yeah that's exactly how I feel. With us having families that I see as totally opposite, I have been used to her being the bee's knees and all that. I thought my wedding would be one thing that was about me but obviously not lol xx

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    This is second time round for my fiancé, my mum isn't overjoyed with my choice of partner... so that's probably the main reason.

    I meant as in my moh hasnt been bothered but Facebook is filled with her and her daughters planning (which I can understand) - but nothing and I mean nothing has ever been mentioned about mine.  To the point I had a 'talk' and it was agreed that we would just forget the moh/bridesmaid thing.

    Dont really have many close friends... So it has been rather lonely.

  • MrsLMTMrsLMT Posts: 3,830

    My mum can be excited one minute and not bothered the next. I don't take offenice anymore. The most excited person about the wedding is me. Lol

    We booked our wedding with 22 months to go. I started my plannig thread to keep my excitement and ideas together. I love updating my thread. 

  • Badgersbetty wrote (see post):

    This is second time round for my fiancé, my mum isn't overjoyed with my choice of partner... so that's probably the main reason.

    I meant as in my moh hasnt been bothered but Facebook is filled with her and her daughters planning (which I can understand) - but nothing and I mean nothing has ever been mentioned about mine.  To the point I had a 'talk' and it was agreed that we would just forget the moh/bridesmaid thing.

    Dont really have many close friends... So it has been rather lonely.

    Sorry I totally misunderstood wht what you meant by moh. I feel exactly the same so your not alone xx

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    It's nice to know I'm not the only one.... But it's still rather shitty.

    was walking around a wedding fair the other day and it was quite upsetting seeing the other brides to be walking round and giggling with their large groups.

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Aww stacey i feel for you and others, totally understand.  When i married the first time it was the talk of the town the shock this time cause no one seems bothered.  I have cried so many times over this because i dont understand how family can not feel as excited as i do t my ripe old age of 49!   

     

    My moh has said some nasty things to because my fiance is as poor as a church mouse and we do t even live in a house, her husband runs the designer outlet bicester village which is huge down here.  She did shock me orher day by arranging a wedding fair trip!  

     

    I think once people start hearing of the plans your cousins will go by then they will start to talk about yours im sure.   

     

    Ive had relatives steal thunder on a umber of occasions and i am the one that likes to be centre of attention, its horrid and i hate them all:)!   

     

    Come on here put your thread up and have a laugh with all the ladies here they are a great bunch and i feel so much better because of them.  

     

    Now come on wheres that thread:)x

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    I agree, we are here to lift your spirits And get excited with you. 

    My mum might not necessarily be excited about all things wedding related but I'm dragging MIL to a wedding fair on Sunday!

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Ha! Excellent badgerbetty!   I have no more reasons to go but hey i might get a free goodie bag!:).  

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    Exactly, there is always free cake if nothing else!

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Haaaaa!:). Girl after my own heart badgerbetty:).  Lets get back on here and say what we got at the fair!  Sorry im off subject abit here!

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    I will be getting lots of leaflets, cake and a headache!

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    Stacey98 - are you feeling any better about things? Are we cheering you up or making it worse?

  • August18August18 Posts: 247

    Hope you're feeling better xx

  • Badgersbetty wrote (see post):

    Stacey98 - are you feeling any better about things? Are we cheering you up or making it worse?

    Sorry I havnt been on for a while. Yeah I'm feeling I just have to deal with it don't I lol. Still getting all the messages about her hen do and everything else without a mention of mine but hey hoe lol. I think once I can get my hotel booked next month I will start to feel excited again xx

  • Hi everyone and thanks for the support. Things are just the same atm really. I think once I can get my hotel booked next month then I can start getting excited again.

    It's a bit irritating getting messages about her hen do, her dress, the suit hire etc but I just have to deal with it.

    I think the worst part was the thought of her not being at my wedding. I knew when I decided to do it abroad that not everyone would make it but I honestly thought, up until she announced her wedding that they would definitely come. Also, I have been asked to pay £200 for 2 nights stay in the hotel they are getting married at, £50 for suit hire and another £210 for her hen do. Obviously I could have said no but she's my family and I genuinely want to be there for the special parts. I just feel I am making a lot of effort eventhough I have my own wedding to save for, then she is just going to say she can't afford to come to mine. There are options available for every budget, 1 week instead of 2, self catering instead of all inclusive, cheaper hotel etc so I don't think that's a good reason really.

    Sorry for all the moaning lol xx

  • MrsCarnegieMrsCarnegie Posts: 515 New bride

    No need to apologise, I think I'd feel the same if I were in your shoes x 

    I'm lucky to have very good friends, who are just as excited about my wedding as I am, although if you were to sum up the excitement in my mum and my sisters, you'd never believe I was actually getting married!! 

    And although I'm nearly 40, it is my first (and hopefully only) wedding x 

    So I can sympathise with you x x 

  • MrsCarnegie2be wrote (see post):

    No need to apologise, I think I'd feel the same if I were in your shoes x 

    I'm lucky to have very good friends, who are just as excited about my wedding as I am, although if you were to sum up the excitement in my mum and my sisters, you'd never believe I was actually getting married!! 

    And although I'm nearly 40, it is my first (and hopefully only) wedding x 

    So I can sympathise with you x x 

    Thank you. I have said all along I would happily have just gone me, my partner and my daughter and I'm wishing I had of done now xx

  • MrsCarnegieMrsCarnegie Posts: 515 New bride
    Stacey2018 wrote (see post):
    MrsCarnegie2be wrote (see post):

    No need to apologise, I think I'd feel the same if I were in your shoes x 

    I'm lucky to have very good friends, who are just as excited about my wedding as I am, although if you were to sum up the excitement in my mum and my sisters, you'd never believe I was actually getting married!! 

    And although I'm nearly 40, it is my first (and hopefully only) wedding x 

    So I can sympathise with you x x 

    Thank you. I have said all along I would happily have just gone me, my partner and my daughter and I'm wishing I had of done now xx

    I've thought that on a few occasions x x 

  • sugarmousesugarmouse Posts: 189

    I have thought that too. Why didn't we just go and get married and tell everyone afterwards? You don't expect your wedding to be the main focus of everyone's life but when nobody cares or only shows an interest just to complain and moan and criticize it's really disheartening.

    StaceyB do you have to go? If they can't go to yours because they can't afford it then can't you make the same excuse? It just seems unfair for you to make all that effort for them and it's totally one-sided.

  • sugarmousesugarmouse Posts: 189

    As for moaning well moan away, you have a perfectly legitimate reason. Honestly if I were being asked to cough up that amount of money to go to a wedding and that person didn't show the slightest bit of interest in mine I wouldn't go but that's not my call xx

     

  • Mrs AyseMrs Ayse Posts: 561

    I wouldnot go darl, I've said no to so much this year and my hen is just for my very close friends, I organised the flights and accommodation which has gone to £160 for a long weekend in Athens including flights... I purposefully did it early, took their money and booked so it was cheap as chips. 

    We often get swayed by how other people are reacting to our weddings and put ourselves in a horrible mood for the sake of others, come and talk to the girls on here about all your little bits and big bits for the wedding. We get you! We get the stress not only with the planning but the saving, the upset... My girls are lovely but totally engrossed in their own lives and aren't interested in my wedding at all. I come here to be with you girls to help me work stuff out x

Sign In or Register to comment.