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Should I be getting married??

I'm due to be getting married in 2 months, h2b organised it a month ago as a surprise. I was really planning on getting married for another couple of years, been engaged nearly 3 years. It just seems to be coming too soon and I'm the only person not excited about the wedding, I feel so uncomfortable with my body, hate attention on me. I feel so down keep bursting into tears over the thought of having say I do. I keep hinting to h2b I'm not happy but he's so excited about me becoming his wife. We have a appointment to get our wedding licence and I know with me being so unhappy they will probably refuse it. H2b has paid for evrrything too so if they do refuse he loses out. Do I tell him how I really feel about marriage or do I marry him just to keep him happy. Any advice as to what I should do??

Posts

  • Victoria197Victoria197 Posts: 722 New bride

    You need to be honest with your H2B and say this is not what you want. You need to sit down and talk and explain how you do want to get married but not yet and not like this. Its going to be a tough conversation and I expect lots of tears but don't get railroaded into something that you don't want just because of money / letting people down. That is not the way to start a marriage.

    When you talk maybe you can come up with some alternatives such as get married just the two of you and two witnesses and then plan a blessing that gives you the day that you want.

  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    I don't totally understand how things like this happen but no, I don't think you should be getting married.  Not if it is against your will and if you feel any amount of force or pressure.  No one should ever make you feel like you have to do something that you are not comfortable with.

    I understand that he may have done this as a nice surprise for you and that he may want to show you how much he loves and cares for you but if he is ignoring your feelings then it kind of out-weighs the good he may have tried to do.

    Marriage is a commitment two people enter into together, it shouldn't feel daunting or scary in a way that it reduces you to unhappy tears.  Is it just this wedding that's making you sad or do you have doubts about your relationship in general? are you happy together? does he treat you well? do you feel forced or pressured in any other areas of your day to day life together?

    Sorry you are feeling so down. xxx

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    D13. Firstly every bride gets the jitters, but you do absolutely need to reflect on what you feel anout marriage and then about marying this man.  Its getting close this is why all these feelings are coming out . Marriage is a transition a letting go of your single self and a making of a new you and a new life.  It is hard and makes you cry.   Dont make a rash decision, but once have you thought anout it, do speak to your h2b, he deserves to know now how you feel.  

    Thjs is my second narriage and this has been much harder this time because i know how much work it takes to keep a marriage together.  

     

    good luck:)

     

  • D13D13 Posts: 3

    Thank you for your replies. He is a wonderful guy and a brilliant dad to our child, and I do want to be his wife but maybe without the wedding! I do have big insecurities about my body and I hate having to speak in front of people and I think that's what my problem is. We got engaged and that was it, I didn't become one of those excited brides... start planning dress shopping organising the day and that's why hes planned it all. All of my friends are so excited and enjoying all the preparation while I'm not interested at all. I feel like I have no one to talk to about how I'm feeling. 

  • August18August18 Posts: 247
    D13 wrote (see post):

    Thank you for your replies. He is a wonderful guy and a brilliant dad to our child, and I do want to be his wife but maybe without the wedding! I do have big insecurities about my body and I hate having to speak in front of people and I think that's what my problem is. We got engaged and that was it, I didn't become one of those excited brides... start planning dress shopping organising the day and that's why hes planned it all. All of my friends are so excited and enjoying all the preparation while I'm not interested at all. I feel like I have no one to talk to about how I'm feeling. 

    hi 

     

    firstly so sorry you are feeling like this.

    to me it sounds like you do want to marry him but not in front of others?? im only reading a screen and i can sense how upset you are. is there something stopping you from telling your other half how you feel? 

     it sounds as if you self worth and confidence is at a low and it is this that is stopping you from wanting a wedding not not wanting to be married to your partner ?

    xx

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    We are all here for support d13.  

    how sbout cutting some of the formalities?  You know walk down the aisle with a bet friend or your mum and dad.  keep speaches to a minimum and focus on others more , dont sit at a top table put your self on a table wih your h2b and have some quiet time with him, dont have a irst dance.  Its your day make it as happy as you can:).  

  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    Has he planned a big day? how many guests do you have?

    I think you should speak to him and tell him how you are feeling and really make him realise that although you do want to be his wife the thought of the wedding itself terrifies you and is making you feel upset.

    You may be able to arrange to go and do the ceremony bit just you and h2b with your witnesses.  Then you can come out as man and wife to your friends and family and have a celebration.  Have you looked at any dresses yet? you may be pleasantly surprised? wedding dresses don't look the same on as ordinary dresses, they can hold you in and flatter what you have. 

    Just focus on your h2b and what it will feel like to call him your husband.  You need to have him on board and on your side so that he can support you through this. xxxx

  • D13D13 Posts: 3

    He has planned it all and paid for it. ive not got myself a wedding dress as I couldn't afford one but I have a cream maxi dress. We have 60 people coming and haven't organised anything big for after the registry office so wouldn't be any top table or first dance. I am going to have to tell him but really don't want to hurt him or make him think I don't want to marry him. Thank you ladies xx 

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    What caught my eye here was that the specific reasons you have were about how you feel about yourself and the way you look.

    Is the reason for wanting to wait a few years because youd like to look different in a few years? Or because you feel its too soon to make the commintment?

    Fron what Ive read ir sounds as though its not the commitment, not doubts about the relationship etc, but feeling unhappy about your appearance and the thought if being surrounded by loads if people looking at you.

    Would you be happy to go ahead if there were no guests? 

    Or would you like the wedding guests just at a different time?

  • Mrsseebe2beMrsseebe2be Posts: 709 New bride
    MrsJ2017 wrote (see post):

    What caught my eye here was that the specific reasons you have were about how you feel about yourself and the way you look.

    Is the reason for wanting to wait a few years because youd like to look different in a few years? Or because you feel its too soon to make the commintment?

    Fron what Ive read ir sounds as though its not the commitment, not doubts about the relationship etc, but feeling unhappy about your appearance and the thought if being surrounded by loads if people looking at you.

    Would you be happy to go ahead if there were no guests? 

    Or would you like the wedding guests just at a different time?

    What MrsJ2017 said.

    It sounds like you're happy in your relationship and not worried about the marriage bit of getting married but more that you don't like the idea of the wedding itself?

    Did your H2B maybe hope that by surprising you with a ready made wedding it'd give you less time to stress out and worry in the planning stages?

    I do think you need to talk to him about how you're feeling - either look at ways to make you feel more comfortable with the day or admit that you can't do it like this and ask to postpone and plan something you can cope with together?

    Whatever happens let us know?

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