Should I do this or is it a huge NO!

So, I had a BM drop out due to falling pregnant - I didn't ask her to drop out btw but she has decided that she would like to be a guest and not take part.  I am sad but fully support her decision.  She told me that she would pay me for the dress as she doesn't want me to be out of pocket but I have told her absolutely not.  H2B and I decided we would pay for all aspects of our bridal party including the accommodation at the venue.  She still has her room etc and we don't expect her to contribute anything just because she isn't a BM now.

But, I wonder, if it is reasonable to ask another of my friends to stand in as BM? seeing as I have bought the dress, the shoes, the bouquet is on order (although that is easily cancelled).

I have very close friends from a few different groups - myself, my best-friend, my sister & my sisters best-friend are a foursome - we holiday together etc as a foursome.  I already have my BF and my sister as BMs, now that I have this unexpected space would it be ok to ask my sisters BF to join? or would that look really mean and like she was an after thought?

She isn't an after thought as such, I did  always feel horrible for not having her as she is a BF but I had restrictions and to be honest my bridal party was one huge f*** up after another at the start!

If this is not unreasonable, how would you go about it? would you check with the original BM to see if she had any objections first? xx



  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    Ive just asked another bridesmaid, it wasnt because there was a space to fill but I just decided I wanted another.

    I thought she might feel like an afterthought but she was really happy and excited and has been brilliant.

    You could explain to the new girl that you always regretted not asking her but due to budget you had to limit your numbers, but now that issue has been resolved you really hope she would like to be a bm?

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    I was asked to be a BM at a later date and was honoured to be asked and not offended at all, different situation there wasn't a drop out my friend just decided she would like to include me so slightly different but had that been the reason i still would not of been offended as i understand that weddings are expensive and you can't have everyone etc.

    Would this new BM fit in the dress and shoes that you've bought? If not you may end up having to spend more or may find it difficult to get another dress the same?

    I would maybe mention it to original bm, just so that she doesn't hear it from someone else as that might upset her and i'm sure we would still like to feel in the loop 

  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    The girls are roughly the same size and same shoe size, the new BM is maybe a little shorter so the dress may need slight alterations but the other girls need alterations done anyway so this wouldn't be a stress for me.

    I just don't want to upset anybody.

    My original BM is still very much in the loop, I have still invited her to a BM lunch and she is staying with me the night before the wedding still, she just doesn't want to be a bridesmaid which is totally fair enough and I'd never kick up a fuss or force her.



  • I think so long as you're honest and open with both girls everything should be fine. You sound incredibly considerate and thoughtful so I don't see how either of them could be offended! 

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    Then i think go for it, i'm sure your original BM won't be offended as she's not being pushed out or replaced but if you're worried check in with her first. Then as MrsJ2017 said just make a nice thing of asking your new BM and let her know its because you want her and are excited that she can now be a part of your day as well and not so that the dress goes to waste!

  • Rosegold017Rosegold017 Posts: 476

    I think that will be lovely to have your other friend step in. I was once upgraded from evening guest to day guest due to a blizzard and I was thrilled!

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