Bridesmaid issues.

Just doing a bit of soul searching here. 

So, I have a bridesmaid, who I stupidly asked when I was drunk and felt like I really couldn't back out of it. So, over the last year and a half I've been panicking about the BM situation as she's not the most reliable person in the world. 

I was out a couple of weeks ago and my sister (MoH) text me saying she doesn't know why this girl is even my BM. I was half cut at the time so didn't really get too worked up about it. 

But, I've not seen her for over a year. Every time I try and arrange to meet her she agrees and then nothing comes of it or she's 'ill'. Were at the point of finalising details now and we have a block of rooms at our reception venue that we need to confirm so I sent her a message to see if she still wanted one, I mean, I couldn't tell you what's going on in her life other than what she puts on Facebook so I don't know if she has somewhere else to stay or if she's seeing someone. But, that being said, a very simple question. She read the message straight away but never replied. 

So, pretty angry because we're liable for the cost of the rooms if people don't pay for them. I gave her a day, benefit of the doubt thing. But, still nothing. I plucked up the courage to ask my sister what's been going on, she said that she isn't responding to anything she sends her either. But she's apparently told my friend she didn't think she was a bridesmaid. She helped me choose the original dresses so a blatant lie. 

Bearing in mind the girl hasn't even rsvp'd, or even acknowledged the invite I sent. I made the choice to cut her out. And I mean cut her out. She's not even on the guest list  

I made the choice to ask my sister in law to be a bridesmaid quite late on, and I don't want to pass over the dress I already had or buy another one of those as I'm not really keen on them anymore so I'm wanting to get new ones. So, I'm just buying the two. But I'm scared to go into it because I don't want her to feel like a replacement.

Only now, nobody knows if she's actually turning up to the hen party that she's paid a little bit towards her share. So she could turn up... and she's started to like my wedding stuff on FB and Instagram. But, I mean, if she turns up to the hen, what the frick do I do/say as I feel like she's been reminded she's a bridesmaid when shes actually not now. So much stress caused by one girl. What would you guys do? 


  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    I think you need to explain how you feel, I had to do this with my bridesmaid (now ex bridemaid) and simply explained that I know she has a lot going on and I think it's best if we leave the 'whole bridesmaid' thing... She actually agreed.

    It was a weight off my mind and I definitely feel more relaxed.

  • Sorry. Prematurely posted there. 

    I don't feel like I can have it out with her because she doesn't respond to any messages. I literally feel like I have to wait until my hen (which is fairly close to the wedding) to see if she is even bothered about turning up to any of it. 

    I understand my wedding isn't everyone else's priority but to go completely silent when we're paying for stuff and not knowing if it's a wasted place is doing my head in. Then I dont want to mention bridesmaids because I don't want to 'remind' her she was one. Literally the most tangled web haha. 

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    How have you sorted her dress out if you haven't seen her for a year? Could you ring her and just say you think it's better if she attends as a guest not a bridesmaid?

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride
    Hails wrote (see post):

    How have you sorted her dress out if you haven't seen her for a year? Could you ring her and just say you think it's better if she attends as a guest not a bridesmaid?

    I definitely think this is the best option for you, send her a message if she won't answer your calls.... You'll know if she has read it!

  • I think you are putting too much emphasis on her role in this and over looking the fact it is your wedding and you have some control. I would simply send her a message saying you need to clarify everything and she hasn't replied to your messages so you're making the decisions without her input. I'd tell her she's not a bridesmaid, but she is welcome to the hen and as a guest. She has paid towards hen so it's unfair to cut her from it even if she has been a super pain. If she doesn't show up to the hen cut her from your guest list and message her and tell her she's not invited.  Tbf it's probably really awkward for her too: if you haven't seen each other for over a year and aren't involved with each others lives it probably seems weird to be a bridesmaid? These situations are like pulling a plaster off: do it quickly,  concisely and get it over with. You don't have to be emotional about it or say how much she's upset you,  just tell her what is happening and take control

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 406 New bride

    Personally I would message her and say as she hasn't replied to any of your messages or RSVP'd that you are assuming that she no longer wants to be a bridesmaid and is no longer interested in coming to the wedding. But that if she does still want to attend the hen do and the wedding that it would be as a guest as her lack of response has left you with no choice but to proceed with the planning as though she wasn't a bridesmaid. 


  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    I agree with that.

  • Issa19unionIssa19union Posts: 123 New bride

    I agree, as you don't see her often she may even feel a little weirded out being a Bridesmaid which would explain the lack of response. Either way it's your day so don't feel bad giving her the chop, I would extend the invite though like the others said. I wouldn't leave it till your hen to bring it up as you don't want it to sour your day if it doesn't go down well. I would just send her a message to say you're guessing she's been busy so you haven't had a chance to discuss but you've decided to have family as bridesmaids. If she doesn't like it tough, doesn't sound like she will be a great loss to you anyway!

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