The meeting of the families

Feeling a little bit apprehensive... My family have never met fiancé's family and I know it should be done before the big day.

Not sure how it will go to be honest.  Im thinking (knowing my family) it will be a bit of a disaster.

Anyone else having to do this? Or done this?

How best to do it without it being like a Mexican stand off?

Posts

  • Ambam19Ambam19 Posts: 586 New bride

    Ours have met a couple of times, mainly at mothers or fathers day we get them all together for a meal. Food is always a good pacifier for both our sides and luckily all immediate family are really easy going 😊

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    what about a dinner out or at yours? We have been making a conscious effort to make sure our families are comfortable around each other before the big day.

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    I was thinking of a pub meal somewhere in the middle of where my mum and dad live and where my fiance's mum and dad live. Got a while yet before wedding, I just don't want things to be strained.

  • Emma236Emma236 Posts: 215

    We did a lunch in a restaurant for all the parents to meet. I was pretty anxious about it but seeing as we were out, everyone was on best behaviour (my Dad can be an unpredictable nightmare at times) and a few glasses of wine seemed to loosen everyone up a bit. I needn't have been worried, it went really well. 

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    Lol you haven't met my family! 😂

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    Im not bothering. My mum and nan have both met MIL a few times in passing but other than that I dont think anyones met. Actually I think they may have said a few polite words when a baby has been born and their visiting times crossed over but thats all.

    They can meet on the day, theyre not likely to see eachother again after that so I dont want to make a thing of it, especially with all the divorces. Its impossible to negotiate one set of family politics, never mind sticking them all in a room together.

    At least at the wedding there will be other people to buffer it, do nobody has to speak to eachother or sit near each other.

    If I was doing it Id book a restaurant for neutral territory and keep it very casual to try an avoid any tension or building it up into a big thing or something formal.

  • Victoria197Victoria197 Posts: 722 New bride

    Getting together over a meal is a great way of doing it. We also get together at Christmas. It was about 2 years before my h2b even met my mum, and another year before his family did. My mum has aspergers, she has poor social skills and comes across as really odd. It's hard knowing how people will react to her, as she is quite rude most of the time. 

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    Thing is, we are having a small wedding so there won't be many people there... So bit difficult to hide away .

    Well I have just booked the restaurant for July.  So a little bit if time before d day.  Just told fiancé and he said he's washing his hair, lol.

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride
    Victoria197 wrote (see post):

    Getting together over a meal is a great way of doing it. We also get together at Christmas. It was about 2 years before my h2b even met my mum, and another year before his family did. My mum has aspergers, she has poor social skills and comes across as really odd. It's hard knowing how people will react to her, as she is quite rude most of the time. 

     

    My son has ADD, anxiety, OCD, sensory processing disorder and autistic traits... So yes I know how it can be.

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Uummm. I would do this at there house for a drink only cup of tea or something . You dont need the stress of eating and in public while chatting to them.  

     

    my nee fiance does not have any family, but last time i had to meet grandparents as they brought my ex up and jt was very scary, i went for cup of tea at theirs.  That was enough for a first time.  

    My ex asked my dads permission to.  

     

    This time andy met my mum and stepdad at theirs for a drink and it was stressful for both of us.  

     

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    My mum and dad haven't met my fiance's mum and dad, mine live in Hertfordshire, my fiance's live in Norfolk... So I need to be somewhere in the middle.

     

  • britbirdbritbird Posts: 1,486 New bride

    My family and my partner's family have only ever met once at a BBQ, and whilst there were no arguments, it was clear they didn't particularly like each other.  To be fair, when his sister left without even saying goodbye to us I can kind of see my family's side.  I am dreading them meeting again- they are just very very different.  My family certainly aren't perfect, but his family have no real proper relationship (it is partly his fault) and it shows.  I don't know what I am going to do when it next comes up about them meeting.  Quite frankly, my parents are not fussed, and I know they will "behave" but I dread the moment when his Dad does his Mr Khan hawking cough which makes me cringe!  I was thinking dinner on neutral ground at a restaurant, but when my family go out, my parents offer to pay even if we say we are picking up the tab, whereas when his do it is always pay your own way.  I get the feeling that even by mentioning it, his parents will think that I am a spoilt brat.  I think that is probably the best option though, doing it at a restaurant, then it is quick and hopefully painless!

  • Mrs NeekMrs Neek Posts: 445 New bride

    My OH parents met my parents for the first time last summer they came over to ours for dinner, it went well. I was so nervous and panicked every time I heard silence lool. Then in the new year my parents went over to my future in laws house for dinner, this time round OH aunties were also there, once again it went surprisingly well. I think because it wasn't in a busy environment it helped everyone to relax. xx 

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    My parents and my husband's dad and step mum met at a birthday party I had (2 years before the wedding). 

    They didn't meet his mum and step dad until the day of the wedding as they lived too far away to do anything. It was fine but his step dad didn't make the best impression as he was quite rude on the morning and chose to sit in the car instead of coming into the house to say hello (he is really anti-social).

    It was fine on the day, so I really wouldn't worry.

  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    Our families first meet actually went really well, I think me and h2b were more stressed than our parents.  We decided to all meet at our wedding venue - we booked a private appointment to wander around the grounds with one of the planners.  It was a good distraction and gave plenty to talk about!

    Our mums were getting over excited about the wedding day and the dads were strolling behind chatting about the bar area and good places to play golf nearby.  After the venue visit we went for a pub lunch and mainly talked about the wedding and the venue as it was the first time our parents had seen it!

    I think a pub lunch is always the better option then going to one of your houses.  Its just neutral ground and a more comfortable setting.  It always seems daunting but I bet it wont be half as bad as you are expecting! xxx

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    I'm glad I am not the only one dreading it, lol.

    They are just two very different families..

    His - more reserved, quite Victorian, speeches, serious

     

    Mine - opinionated, stroppy, dad is like Alf Garnett and don't socialise.

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