Not inviting the grooms sister

Hi,

Really need some advice. We have recently sent out our wedding invites but the grooms parents are sating they won't be coming unless we invite his sister and niece.

The reason they haven't been invited is that since we have been together they have given me a really hard time and sent some disgusting messages to me partner stating how much they dislike me without even getting to know me! They also hated his ex wife but since their split they have become like her best friends. I have been treated like the 'other woman' from day one and this was not the case. If there are any birthdays or family get togethers they have always contacted his ex and not invited him or me and my children. Our birthdays are ignored and we are basically treated like we don't exist which goes down fine with both of us. They are really nasty two faced women. We haven't spoken to them for a year and the last thing I want is to walk down the aisle wondering what they are saying about me. I'm already having to put up with his ex coming to our venue later in the evening to collect his children (as she has booked a holiday for the next day) and it seems like there will be more to dread about the day than look forward to. These 2 have really got me down since we met and been close to splitting us up so the last thing we want is to look back on what should be our special day and have pictures of them pretending to play happy families.

Does anyone have any suggestions, I said as a compromise we could invite them to the evening and just hope they didn't come (although I know his sister will) they family are sucking all of the happiness out of our planning!

 

Posts

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 406 New bride

    How does your H2B feel about it all? If he doesn't want his sister their then really it is up to him to talk to his parents and explain that he is not prepared to have her ruin his wedding day, but that he would still like them to be part of the day. That way the ball is in their court and you are not going to get the blame as it will have come from him.

    If your H2B does want his sister there then I'd suggest talking to his sister and try to get to the bottom of her problem with you. The past can't be changed but like it or not she is your H2B's sister and talking it out with her could:

    a) show your H2B that she isn't willing to put his happiness before her feelings toward you and make him realise he doesn't want her to ruin your wedding day.

    b) show your H2B that you are willing to forgive and forget for his sake (after all it is his wedding too)

    Either way you need to make it known that if she comes to the wedding it is to celebrate her brothers happiness and that any negativity or scene causing will result in her being told to leave. 

    I hope you manage to work things out. 

  • MrsC2018MrsC2018 Posts: 191 New bride

    I think this falls down to H2B's feelings with it being his family

    I would feel the same about the sister and niece not coming and it would make me anxious them being a part of my big day when they don't like me. However, if this leads to the parents not coming then that is a bit of a game changer and depends on how you both feel without them there and if this will ruin your relationship with them forever.

    Personally I think that it's your day and you invite who you love and who love you and won't spoil anything. This includes telling anyone with demands to sod off!! His family sound selfish but at the same time, if your H2B is going to be sad about his family not being present then a compromise needs to be made. Good luck!

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    I think his parents are being silly. I can guarantee that they will be there on the day- they are just using this as emotional blackmail which isn't fair.

    If you both don't want her there then I would stick to your guns, it doesn't sound to me like this situation can be resolved.

    Could your niece just attend with her grandparents instead? (as it seems unfair when this isn't her fault).

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    My sister will not be coming to my wedding due to similar issues and therefore i have had to say my little niece can't come either which breaks my heart but i can't invite her without her mum. I haven't spoken to my sister in a year either and my mum is fully aware of the situation so hasn't said anything although i know its hard for her. Are his parent aware of the situation? If so i think its totally unreasonable of them to say this. Your H2B needs to stand his ground with them - they don't support your relationship and so should not be part of your day simple as that.

  • s100s100 Posts: 4

    Thank you all for your advice. My partner feels the same and doesn't want them there but really doesn't want his mum and dad to not be there. His mum and dad are well aware of the situation but his mum and sister are very close and she seems to see no wrong in her behaviour.

    Unfortunately his niece is an adult and is exactly the same as his sister in her treatment of us so that's why she also hasn't been invited.

    He has told his parents that before a decision is made on an invite then I need an apology from them, I know this won't happen but again I don't want my partner to not have his parents joining us on our special day.

  • Emma236Emma236 Posts: 215

    Personally, if I were you, I wouldn't invite them and stick to your guns.  You don't need that kind of negativity on your big day.  You should be able to spend it surrounded by those you care about and who, in turn, care about you.

    If his parents choose not to be there, despite you having very valid reasons for not inviting the sister and niece then I would say they are cutting their noses off to spite their face and they will regret their decision.  It's very sad that they feel they can toy with your emotions by stating they won't come (which would upset H2B) unless you suffer two horrible women at your wedding.

    It's your day, you should be able to have it exactly as you want it!

    E xx

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    I think as well you have tried to compromise by saying you would re-consider if there was an apology and if there is no apology despite their behavior then his sister is making it clear she has no desire to support your marriage or attend your wedding and therefore they have almost made the decision not to come themselves, just preempting the next argument i would use that to validate your stance that they had their chance and are not being invited!

  • Mrs B2b3Mrs B2b3 Posts: 255

    I would tell the parents that you're sad they won't be there but you respect their choice.

    Just the threat would make me annoyed as I hate people trying to manipulate me.o

  • Mrs CrawleyMrs Crawley Posts: 211 New bride

    I literally could have wrote this myself!! Let's just say h2bs sisters have a dislike to me too and they barely even know me 😐  did invite them to my Hen do and one out of the three sisters did reply to my txt msg inviting them, the other two just clearly ignored my msg but still continued to chat away to each other on wats app, how bloody rude! Anyways I feel like if they can't make an effort in replying to my text msg a simple sorry I can't make it would have been better than a simple ignore then I feel like they shouldn't make an effort to come to our wedding. I literally feel like that, prob over reacting but... That's how I feel.

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 4,014 New bride

    Yes, stick to your guns. It is YOUR day- and you have every right not to have people there who you dislike and who make you feel small. They will put you on edge during the day, they will be in the photos- don't let them spoil your day. And don't give them the satisfaction of being invited when they have treated you like that. You wouldn't put up with the behavior from a friend and still invite them- why is it different for family?

    My h2b isn't inviting his brother. The reasons aren't the same, and it was a hard choice for him to make. His mum did threaten at one point not to go unless he changed his mind- all he said was that he would then be very sad that his mum isn't at his wedding. At the end of the day, he would still be surrounded by people he loves- she would be the one sat at home missing out. She has since 'forgotten' she said that and is of course coming. It's emotional blackmail, don't give into it. H2b would honestley have rathered his mum didn't come if she valued his brother (who is a sh*t) over attending her son's wedding. Of course it was all bluster and it didn't come to that.

  • s100s100 Posts: 4

    Thank you, I cant see my H2B sticking up for himself to his mum and dad but hopefully they will stop being so ridiculous and respect our wishes and remember their son is as much their child as their daughter is.

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Tell his parents very sorry but its your decision not to come to my wedding although you are most welcome.  

     

    Do not cow tow to emotional blackmail to allow an obviously very hurtful pair of wonen to your special day. 

     

    I had this for 28 yrs from my exs sisters and i was so glad to no longer need to play happy families. I also loved telling them they were not invited to my wedding , they thought they were!  

     My new fiance has no family, lucky me:)!  

     

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride
    Emma236 wrote (see post):

    Personally, if I were you, I wouldn't invite them and stick to your guns.  You don't need that kind of negativity on your big day.  You should be able to spend it surrounded by those you care about and who, in turn, care about you.

    If his parents choose not to be there, despite you having very valid reasons for not inviting the sister and niece then I would say they are cutting their noses off to spite their face and they will regret their decision.  It's very sad that they feel they can toy with your emotions by stating they won't come (which would upset H2B) unless you suffer two horrible women at your wedding.

    It's your day, you should be able to have it exactly as you want it!

    E xx

     

     

    I completely agree! Don't invite them.  Is his mum all mouth? Will she actually not attend her son's wedding?

  • EpiphanyEpiphany Posts: 718

    I think, in a way, the decision is easy for you because your H2B and you both feel the same.  This person has caused arguments and nearly cost you your relationship.  If she wasn't your H2b's sister, there is no way she would be on your guest list.

    I'm not normally someone who says 'it's your day, have it your way' as I personally think that couples do need to consider the feelings of families and friends, and be true to themselves.  If you are a considerate and thoughtful person all the time, it doesn't sit right to be a bridezilla!

    But in this case I really think that if this person was invited it would not only spoil your day, it would spoil the run up to the wedding for you while you both worried about what she was going to say.  And it would grate to see her smiling face in your photos as she would no doubt go back to being her usual self once the wedding was over, and then you'd kick yourself.

    I think H2b's parents are pulling on the heart-strings/blackmailing you, depending on how charitable you feel.  I think giving in to them would set the tone for your future - they throw a paddy and you give in.  You are being perfectly reasonable and are within your rights to invite who you want.  

    Yes, I think you do need to make compromises sometimes with guest lists, but to invite this person would be a compromise too far.

    What's the worst that can happen?  You will have a wonderful day surrounded by people who wish you both well and support you.  Hopefully your future in-laws will be amongst them, but if not, it really is their loss and they will regret it.

    But please don't compromise your feelings, or think what you want is not as important as what H2b's parents want, because that isn't true.

     

  • Agree with everything that has been said above.

    Only comment to make is about the ex coming to pick up the children. Can you ask someone to take them out to the car park to hand them over? Absolutely no way would I want an ex in my wedding venue or seeing either of us on the day. Then that's one less stress for you.

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