I'm having the worst time with wedding planning and am completely hating the whole experience!

My MOH (H2B's sister!) Has managed to make this entire experience about her and we've endured endless patronising comments and every decision we have made has been questioned. It all kicked off this week when I was given the 'intinerary' to my hen do weekend...

When we asked her to be our MOH 4 months ago, she was most excited about planning a hen do, something I hadn't really considered and was put on the spot about but I agreed and said please nothing big (I don't very much like the fuss or being centre of attention). I specifically asked her to arrange it to be in my home town where all of my friends and family are based as they are all already travelling for the wedding. I also said please no 'typical tacky' hen do traditions.. no willie's, no sashes, no team brides!, no outfits.. just something small like a meal and drinks...

Obviously this information went in one ear and out of the other as she planned an entire weekend in a completely different part of England meaning my friends would be travelling 3 hours to even get there.. plus there was to be games that quizzed me on my intimate relationship with my H2B, a dance class, team bride sashes and an outfit I had to wear.

I'd like to point out that the whole thing had been kept from me as she wanted it to be a surprise... and I had been informed about the outfit 2 weeks ago and I had told her and my MIL that it made me feel very uncomfortable and I didn't want to wear something I had no say in. This was ignored.

When I told our MOH that I wasn't happy her first thought was herself and how much effort she'd put in.. she then sent a series of nasty texts asking what the hell was the matter with me.. none of which I replied to. 2 days later we called her and she was vile to me on the phone, screaming, swearing and asking why I couldn't  just go along with it and pretend like I was having a nice time... am I crazy or is there something very wrong with that? She then hung up on us and proceeded to send a series of nasty texts accusing me of being self involved, unappreciative and saying I was tearing her family apart. My MIL has decided to side with her because apparently ive made them look like fools. We are both very quiet, loving people who just want a happy wedding day. What have I done to deserve this?

We get married in 6 weeks...


  • Mrs B2b3Mrs B2b3 Posts: 255

    She's clearly got major issues.  If you give in now you'll open the door to more bullying in the future. If she spoke to me like this she'd be shown the door.

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    Wow - i can understand she's put time and effort in but to ask you to just 'grin and bear it' is ridiculous! You told her what you didnt want and she's booked it anyway so thats her fault not yours.

    If things have been paid for that can't be cancelled (thinking the accommodation) you will need to consider the money people have already paid, but there is no reason why you can't make it your weekend - get rid of the sashes and outfits and just have the night you want. 

    I would also consider asking if she would like to step down if this is too much for her, causing all this stress etc, that way its her choice and hopefully lets her know you arent going to be emotionally blackmailed into having her hen do instead of yours!!


  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 4,014 New bride

    It sounds like she has planned the hen SHE wants, not what you want. This could be put down to a case of over-enthusiasm, but asking you to pretend like you are enjoying your own hen to please her is totally ridiculous!

    Has she/your other friends put money into this already? That complicates things as it makes it harder for you just to cancel. But I don't think you should have to go along with it either! I suggest you speak to your friends who are invited and explain to them how you are feeling. If at all possible I would get everything cancelled and re-invite your friends (not her!) to a nice spa day or afternoon tea or something.

    Although the question is raised, why is this girl your MOH?!

  • Thank you for all of your support, it's reassuring to know I'm OK for feeling like this. I would agree that this is to me a form of bullying, I never thought my wedding would get this ugly! It's so unnecessarily nasty. It's such a difficult situation because she's my H2B's sister and we have been friends for 7 years. I have moved my life and job to be with my H2B and I don't have any friends in my new town except for his family which is why I trusted her. I don't class her as a friend anymore and unless I get an apology I don't want her at the wedding causing bad feeling. The hen do has been cancelled now and I think I will do something with my true friends like a meal and cocktails.. at least to try and salvage what is supposed to be a happy time. She has tried to blame by Mum and my friends for not speaking up and saying it wasn't what I'd probably like but I think that shes just trying to pass the blame. Also the sad thing is my H2B told her he wasn't comfortable with the games about our relationship when it was booked and she laughed it off. My H2B is devastated that his family would treat me like this and is incredibly supportive of me which is keeping me going at the moment.

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