To invite or not to invite??
Sorry for the long post guys.....
So over the past few years my relationship with my oldest friend (22yrs) has become increasingly one sided, but as she's always blown hot and cold and been a little selfish I thought nothing of it. Me and my H2B have been together nearly 7 and a half years and engaged for 6. When we first got engaed my oldest friend (best friend at the time) assumed she would be maid of honour, but nothing was discussed properly. When we set a date in January last year I decided I would officially ask my bridesmaids I knew if I asked my other best friend to be MOH that my oldest friend would be offended, and so I ended up asking my oldest friend to be MOH.
Since asking her to be MOH her only concern has been what she will be wearing. I was upfront with all my bridesmaids saying what colour and length dresses I wanted for them. I said I wasn't too fussed about them having the same style so long as the colours matched and there was a plus size option for my other bridesmaid. We found some dresses that suited everyone and so we ordered them to try on. She tried hers on and said "it's fine" and generally wasn't too enthusiastic about it. But when the other bridesmaid's dresses came the colours didn't match. She point blank refused to try on the dresses that had come for the others and so all the dresses were returned.
After that she started to bombard me with links to dresses that weren't the right lenght or color and that didn't accomodate plus size. In the end I just said we'd get them from a bridal shop to save stress. After that I didn't really hear anything from my MOH apart from when she wanted to borrow some money.
A couple of months later my Grandma had a stroke and a couple of months after that she was diagnosed with Dementia. Then my dad lost his job and my step-mum is now facing redundancy. My MOH was aware of all of this and still only got in touch when she wanted something from me or someone to talk to about her life woes. Which I don't mind as that's what you do for friends, but I have been struggling with stress related headaches and bouts of anxiety and panic attacks, which she knows about and she doesn't even ask how I am, let alone anything about my life or the wedding.
At Christmas I bought her a present and a present for her step-son (who lives with her) and I knew she was struggling for money so I wasn't expecting a present. But I didn't even get a card or a thank you once they'd opened their presents. Then when I did hear from her after Christmas it was to discuss my hen do, as one of my other bridesmaids had mentioned that I didn't really want one. I tried to explain my reasons and she just didn't understand and kept harrassing me with messages about different options (all of which suited her and not me) which led to me having a panic attack at work.
The thought of having someone as a bridesmaid who was just adding to the stress and not even asking how I am was really playing on my mind, and with money being tight (my dad was contributing to bits before he lost his job) I decided I would speak to my MOH and explain that with money being tight and her having the most on her plate (she's just had a baby and has a step son full-time) it would be easier and less stressful for both of us if she just came as a guest.
I explained that it was no reflection on our friendship, just a change in circumstances for both of us. I also said that I still wanted her to be as involved in the planning as she wanted to be (she's taken virtually no interest so far) and that if she wanted to do a MOH speech or a reading at the ceremony we could do that instead. Her response was "It's fine, do what you want" and she was quite snappy when she said it, but she can be like that anyway. After I spoke to her about it I stayed at her house for another couple of hours and we chatted like normal. We messaged a little bit the next day. I messaged her a week later and while she has seen the message she hasn't replied.
My invitations go out mid April, and was wanting opinions on what I should do about hers. I was thinking that if she doesn't get in touch or still ignores my messages until this point that I just wouldn't invite her. Would this be totally unreasonable?