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The reality of being a 'Bride to Be'...

Am I the only one who feels this is a completely missold concept? Everything is all pink, big smiles and the best time of your life... errr. Where?

I mean, when you have all this rammed down your throat, your actual wedding planning process is pretty disappointing. 

When you realise nobody really cares about your wedding as much as you do, trying to get help from people is like getting blood from a stone, and it's genuinely the most stressful time of your life! I'm 6 weeks away and people ask 'are you excited? Are you all ready? (the single most annoying question ever, asked by EVERYONE you speak to)' the answer is no. I can't wait for it to be over. I just want to be on honeymoon with my husband, that I'm not currently speaking to at the moment after an argument about trainers!! 

What have we got ourselves into, ladies? What's been the most underwhelming feeling of your wedding planning process? 

Please tell me I'm not the only one 😂

Posts

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,441 New bride

    I was waiting for all the hype and excitement from family and friends and I just haven't had it... It's been a bit deflating to be honest.

    Tried to do the guest list last night and fiancé just wasn't interested, I said do you want to do this another day... "Yes please" - just felt even more deflated.

     Just feel like eloping and just going off in jeans and a t-shirt and having an intimate meal.

  • Ah, yes. Elopement seems ideal right about now haha. 

    I know what you mean about expecting some sort of excitement. And when you mention that 'nobody really cares' it's because it's 'too far away at the moment' ... until you get to the point you're flying off the handle at someone then they're like why didn't you ask me for help... I did. But, it was just too far away for you to concern yourself with. 😩😭

    I also blame Pinterest. Nothing on Pinterest can be replicated. It's evil. Gets your hopes up then cuts you down. I had to stop using it haha. 

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    With you on this ladies, ive had more excitment from friends and work colleagues than family, although i think its just dawned on my mum!:). 

     

    Im really stressed out with the little things now, trying to get h2b to go wedding ring shopping didnt work this morning!  

     

    I know i proposed to him but he wanted the big church wedding thing not me , i was happy with a small registry office do!  

     

    My moh keeps complaining im not listening to her suggestions when really she hasnt made any!  

     

    I could go on.  Im 4 months away now and i know the end of projects are always the worse but this is like the joy you get when the dentist tells you , you have a filling!  

     

     

  • MrsG2bxxMrsG2bxx Posts: 868

    Awwww ladies! sorry you are feeling like this! :(

    We have definitely had our share of ups and downs while wedding planning, it hasn't all been plain sailing and there have been times where I wished we'd either not bothered getting engaged or had just gone away the 2 of us and got married without all the fuss.

    However, on the whole, I have loved planning our wedding.  I haven't had much help and my H2B hasn't been as involved as I originally thought he would be, but he has had his say on all the big things and he chose the band we are having and picked his own suits etc.

    We are lucky to be surrounded by excitement.  My family, his family and our friends (mainly my friends) are constantly getting us hyped up and saying how excited they are and are all currently involved in a countdown to the big day! the only people not showing much interest are my dad and his family, but I cant say I've been bothered by it as we are met with so much support from other areas.

    I totally get that people wont be as excited about your wedding as you are...I've had a few times where I've had to tell myself that but on the whole, everyone has been amazing and they all ask us if there is anything they can do for us or take off our hands! its great!!

    We are so super excited now and the nerves are already kicking in for us! we go straight off on honeymoon too so there is the added excitement of that! I may be on my own here...but I will be genuinely sad when it is all over! I have absolutely LOVED the last 18 months of having this massive life changing event to be planning and looking forward to! its 2 months away now and I am enjoying every day of it getting closer! we are doing the final little bits and pieces now and its so satisfying to watch it all come together!

    Its something I plan on doing once...I am determined to enjoy every single second of the build up and the day itself! I really don't want it to be over! :) xxxx

     

  • SpacepuffinSpacepuffin Posts: 664 New bride

    I'm sorry that you're not enjoying the planning. I've just started my planning so it's early days for me but I'm finding it a bit overwhelming already.

     

    I think it's lovely that, in spite of the aggravations (and trainer-related detours - I'm so glad it's not just us niggling over daft things), you just want to be with your husband, on your honeymoon, continuing your life together. After all, when the wedding bit is done, that's what it's all about. X

  • MrsCarnegieMrsCarnegie Posts: 516 New bride

    I can relate to your feelings. This is my first (and hopefully only) wedding, and as I'm nearly 40, I thought my family, i.e. my mum  and sisters, would be really excited, but no.  

    All my friends and my daughter have been fantastic, could not do it without them, and it's because of them, that we chose not to elope (sometimes wish we had).

    Coupled with finding the money to pay for it, and we're having a very budget friendly wedding, it can sometimes be overwhelming. 

    x x x 

  • Katherine: Haha! Yes, I think you genuinely have more fun at the dentist. At least you have drugs and know the pain will stop soon! 

    I'd never encourage anyone to have the big wedding (at this moment in time, it may change after the day) It's bloody hard work

    MrsG: Awh! That's great that it's all going well for you. I've had people tell me they miss it now all the stress is over. So, maybe it'll be like that. We're off on honeymoon the Tuesday after we get married on the Sunday. That is my main focus now haha! I'm straight back into it afterwards though, We're god parenting for my niece the Sunday after we're back from honeymoon then it's my sisters hen the month after, her wedding the month after that then one of our usher's weddings the month after that. I'm not sure i'll have time to miss it haha. 

    But we were in the lucky position that during our engagement, both of our siblings have got engaged and are getting/got married within a couple of months of us so we've got parents and family on both sides who are like FGS! Two weddings to pay for! So, I can kind of forgive them for that. My friends and colleagues are excited but I don't really have time to see them or talk to them in depth about it because I'm so damn busy and stressed haha.

    Puffin: AIh, you really are at the best part. Well, it was for us because we decided to leave it for 3 years after getting engaged to get married. Saying that, I've just had everything that can go wrong, go wrong, bar any cancellations of suppliers... touch wood) which doesn't help. Don't worry too much though, the stress of things pass and you can look back on it like you're a damn wonder woman! I'm hoping I'm like that when it's done.

     

    I could write a journal of  journal for the unfortunate bride to be. I'm quite lucky in a sense that my life is a disaster so once I get past the initial stress of something, I can laugh at it. But, I do feel for us all because when something does go wrong, there's nothing out there to tell us it's ok to go off the rails a bit, punch a door or two... or not. Maybe. But, it can make you feel a bit like a failure that you've not had this fairy tale planning period.

     

    Another thing that gets on my tits are wedding blogs. All picture perfect, then you find out the person writing them isn't even married!!!! EXCUSE ME! You know nothing, Jon Snow! 

  • Mrsseebe2beMrsseebe2be Posts: 709 New bride

    I think reading various threads on here only goes to prove that everyone and everyone's families are different and no-one gets exactly the same planning experience.

    We've been lucky, H2B has has almost equal involvement in the planning process and is actively interested in how things will be and getting our shared vision for the day. The only side effect of this is we've been pretty independent in our planning and my mum particularly has felt a little left out at times and tends to second guess whether we've done things 'properly' or thought of everything.

    I've tried desperately to use my planning thread and these forums to vent my planning excitement so I don't turn into a complete wedding bore at work or with friends and we tend to try when we meet up with people to not be the ones to bring up the wedding.

    I've been pleasantly surprised how interested everyone has seemed, friends tend to ask us about the planning when we meet up, my bro had me showing his GF map locations and photos of the venue and whenever we're around my parents it tends to turn into a wedding conversation. We're just under 6 months to the date and my mum is trying to plan the timings of the day itself out to the last minute. Which is funny because H2B is also building us an itinerary for the day...

    So not quite sunshine and roses but no major dramas so far either, I think we've both enjoyed the planning process.

  • Tanya128Tanya128 Posts: 1,993

    In the main part I've really enjoyed planning our wedding, but then I've waited 47+ years to get here! Lol Had the odd fall out with my mum over the guest list, no I have still not invited the cousin I've never met! My fiancé likes to be kept up to date with what's happening but early on I was aware that I could become the most boring person if I kept talking about the wedding to friends and relatives so it was great when I found this forum, no one on here gets bored with wedding talk and we can just help each other along with moral support and advice!

  • might sound a bit selfish of me but its bugging me when family are saying:

    ' well I want to sit here... I want this to bla bla bla'

    I'm like really !! please shut your face, this is my day so I will have final say, and when you say no to a request they go in a massive mood and don't talk to you for 2-3 weeks !!

    and all these requests are stupid little things that don't even matter.

    and I thinks its quite rude when they demand to sit in a certain place - do a certain thing.

    sorry girls more of a little rant that was  

    wedding planning is nothing like what we see if the American films !

  • MrsCarnegieMrsCarnegie Posts: 516 New bride
    MrsBell2Be2018 wrote (see post):

    might sound a bit selfish of me but its bugging me when family are saying:

    ' well I want to sit here... I want this to bla bla bla'

    I'm like really !! please shut your face, this is my day so I will have final say, and when you say no to a request they go in a massive mood and don't talk to you for 2-3 weeks !!

    and all these requests are stupid little things that don't even matter.

    and I thinks its quite rude when they demand to sit in a certain place - do a certain thing.

    sorry girls more of a little rant that was  

    wedding planning is nothing like what we see if the American films !

    I totally agree, I've already had the 'she won't want to sit there, or there, or with those people' - why can't people just be happy for you and know it's your day x 

  • iv decided that all the people who are annoying me and making requests, that when it comes to their wedding I'm going to do the same thing to them   xx

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,441 New bride

    I've just decided to sit back and wait and see if people make an 'effort', get 'excited' etc etc...

    If they don't? well it works both ways.

  • AureaAurea Posts: 46

    ClaireForceOne To be honest, I feel exactly the same as you do.

    I feel like you get disappointed by people so much as well. I can't believe how in 15 months of being engaged even my mom hasn't asked once how wedding planning is going. I mean we are living in different countries and we are not as close as we used to be but still... I don't know what I would have done without my best friend who is the only one who always helps. 

    This whole wedding planning thing is just not what I expected at all.

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555

    Oh Claire, I'm so sorry to read you're having a rubbish time of it all. I definitely found wedding planning - though I loved every second - to also be the most stressful time of our relationship. We have never argued so fiercely! The week before our wedding, I stormed out of the house for an hour - proper door slam and everything! - because my husband was annoyed I had a thumb print fake tan mark on my neck 😂 I have NEVER done that before! You are both about to go through a huge event in life - it is natural that your emotions are heightened. It will definitely get better once you are married!

    However, trust me when I say it is all worth it for your wedding day. I guess it's a bit like labour...only I haven't had the joy of experiencing that yet! I know it's easy to think at this stage that it's all too much and you just want to go back to normal, but your wedding day is the happiest day of your life for a reason. I would go through every sleepless night, argument and the ridiculous levels of anxiety I had in those final few weeks especially to experience that day and that level of happiness one more time. And that happiness came from being officially husband and wife, not the aesthetics of the day. I could've walked down the aisle in a binbag! Normal life does come back round again, but far too quickly! Try not to take it for granted or dampen this special time as I promise you will want to do it all again once it's over 😊 x

  • AureaClaireForceOne wrote (see post):

    ClaireForceOne To be honest, I feel exactly the same as you do.

    I feel like you get disappointed by people so much as well. I can't believe how in 15 months of being engaged even my mom hasn't asked once how wedding planning is going. I mean we are living in different countries and we are not as close as we used to be but still... I don't know what I would have done without my best friend who is the only one who always helps. 

    This whole wedding planning thing is just not what I expected at all.

    I think you're very lucky if you have a smooth experience but you're so built up for thinking it'll be the best journey of your life, it really is disappointing. But, in reality, this stuff happens and it really should be said to brides to not sweat the small stuff. 

    I was chatting with a girl at work yesterday and she said exactly what I thought, that you can spend so much money on making everything perfect, but you won't even notice on the day. And, it's true, but you have so much rammed down your throats about the 'perfect day' being anxious is inevitable. 

    I'd love to do an honest blog or book about it, but I can't be arsed 😂. 

    How far away from the wedding are you? I've noticed a lot more people be interested now we're 6 weeks away, but I'm also being told I'm upsetting people because they don't know what's going on. Yet nobody will ask me?! Haha. 

  • lubes wrote (see post):

    Oh Claire, I'm so sorry to read you're having a rubbish time of it all. I definitely found wedding planning - though I loved every second - to also be the most stressful time of our relationship. We have never argued so fiercely! The week before our wedding, I stormed out of the house for an hour - proper door slam and everything! - because my husband was annoyed I had a thumb print fake tan mark on my neck 😂 I have NEVER done that before! You are both about to go through a huge event in life - it is natural that your emotions are heightened. It will definitely get better once you are married!

    However, trust me when I say it is all worth it for your wedding day. I guess it's a bit like labour...only I haven't had the joy of experiencing that yet! I know it's easy to think at this stage that it's all too much and you just want to go back to normal, but your wedding day is the happiest day of your life for a reason. I would go through every sleepless night, argument and the ridiculous levels of anxiety I had in those final few weeks especially to experience that day and that level of happiness one more time. And that happiness came from being officially husband and wife, not the aesthetics of the day. I could've walked down the aisle in a binbag! Normal life does come back round again, but far too quickly! Try not to take it for granted or dampen this special time as I promise you will want to do it all again once it's over 😊 x

    Ahhh! You're still here! ❤. The arguments are unreal! I put the first lot of bridesmaid dresses on eBay, not really expecting them to sell, and they did on a Wednesday night which made sending them really awkward so I had to leave it in the hands of the mr. It was stressful, but the same day I bought him some new running shoes for his birthday. He went sick. They weren't the right colour and I should have given him more time to tell me they were right. (They're black and white) But that was it. He couldnt be arsed any more and he wasn't coming home last night. I was sat at work like... I bought you what you asked for?! I cancelled the order then he's like. Yeah I like them. Have you really cancelled it? So I had to re-order them anyway but it got too much for both of us I think that the trainers were just an excuse. It's funny now, but at the time, you have all the emotions.

    It's crazy how warped you get in it all. In an ideal world I wouldn't have worked 4 months solid up to the wedding but I don't have the holidays after but booking off our honeymoon. So it's really hard to juggle everything but also you have no time to unwind. 

    You're not the only person to tell me it's all worth it so I definitely have faith. I hope married life is treating you well, too! Defo looks sick on your insta! 

    We've just had our last invoice through and we just have enough money left so that's been a massive weight off my shoulders. Onwards and upwards, or downwards into that corner of tears and gin. 

  • AureaAurea Posts: 46

    ClaireForceOne Well, I hope it will pick up a bit when we send out invites which my goal is to do by the end of the month as about half if not 2/3 of our guests will be traveling from other counties. Our date is 17th September so we have six months left.

    If anyone dares tell me that they weren't asked to be involved in the wedding planning and were left out I'm gonna shoot myself! No one has a say in what I can or can not do but my fiance and my best friend as nobody else cared to ask how it's going.

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555
    ClaireForceOne wrote (see post):
    lubes wrote (see post):

    Oh Claire, I'm so sorry to read you're having a rubbish time of it all. I definitely found wedding planning - though I loved every second - to also be the most stressful time of our relationship. We have never argued so fiercely! The week before our wedding, I stormed out of the house for an hour - proper door slam and everything! - because my husband was annoyed I had a thumb print fake tan mark on my neck 😂 I have NEVER done that before! You are both about to go through a huge event in life - it is natural that your emotions are heightened. It will definitely get better once you are married!

    However, trust me when I say it is all worth it for your wedding day. I guess it's a bit like labour...only I haven't had the joy of experiencing that yet! I know it's easy to think at this stage that it's all too much and you just want to go back to normal, but your wedding day is the happiest day of your life for a reason. I would go through every sleepless night, argument and the ridiculous levels of anxiety I had in those final few weeks especially to experience that day and that level of happiness one more time. And that happiness came from being officially husband and wife, not the aesthetics of the day. I could've walked down the aisle in a binbag! Normal life does come back round again, but far too quickly! Try not to take it for granted or dampen this special time as I promise you will want to do it all again once it's over 😊 x

    Ahhh! You're still here! ❤. The arguments are unreal! I put the first lot of bridesmaid dresses on eBay, not really expecting them to sell, and they did on a Wednesday night which made sending them really awkward so I had to leave it in the hands of the mr. It was stressful, but the same day I bought him some new running shoes for his birthday. He went sick. They weren't the right colour and I should have given him more time to tell me they were right. (They're black and white) But that was it. He couldnt be arsed any more and he wasn't coming home last night. I was sat at work like... I bought you what you asked for?! I cancelled the order then he's like. Yeah I like them. Have you really cancelled it? So I had to re-order them anyway but it got too much for both of us I think that the trainers were just an excuse. It's funny now, but at the time, you have all the emotions.

    It's crazy how warped you get in it all. In an ideal world I wouldn't have worked 4 months solid up to the wedding but I don't have the holidays after but booking off our honeymoon. So it's really hard to juggle everything but also you have no time to unwind. 

    You're not the only person to tell me it's all worth it so I definitely have faith. I hope married life is treating you well, too! Defo looks sick on your insta! 

    We've just had our last invoice through and we just have enough money left so that's been a massive weight off my shoulders. Onwards and upwards, or downwards into that corner of tears and gin. 

    I'm always here 😂 Yes we are having a great time of it, cheers! The feeling is mutual - I have a lot of pug love for you! Look after yourself lovely 😘

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Oh i love this thread!  It comforting having all the positive comments and hearing we are not alone in this whirlwind!  

     

    Im sat on my bed thinking wedding stuff while andy watched the second game of rugby! I dont begrudge him that but wish i could stop thinking wedding for a mo.  Can i afford two bags of lavender, will lady bee look down her nose at me again for not getting her champagne ,  will my sister jackie make it, will andy still want to marry me after i told him i hated the truck?  Ahhhhh!  

    Next bill to pay, the catering:(

     

     

  • NikkiMNikkiM Posts: 1,654 New bride

    When I first got engaged I thought wedding planning was going to be amazing. No one really tells you how stressful things get and how much of a rollercoaster it really is. Some times you're happy, sometimes you wish you'd eloped or not bothered at all! Me and h2b never argue but we've argued a lot over the last few months. Mostly wedding related stuff too! 

    However, with 5 days to go until my wedding, I can honestly say all the bad stuff seems to melt away and you kind of forget about it. You start getting swept up in the joy of weddings as does everyone else around you. Over the last week or so I've been on a bit of a high. At the moment, I feel a little odd knowing it will be here in a few days and all that planning will be over. Part of me will be glad, part of me is thinking I'm going to miss having the wedding to plan. Best advice I can give is to try and enjoy it as much as possible. There will be moments along the way but right now it feels worth it. 

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