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Cant shift photo regrets

I've posted about this before, but I still can't seem to shift the negative feelings about our wedding photos.

The photographer didnt do a bad job overall which makes it hard to reconcile my feelings. Most of the issues are subjective so we haven't said anything as 1) there's nothing that can be done anyway and 2) he's likely to offer a bunch of mitigating reasons which we've already second guessed (e.g. the venue was dark so thats why I used a high ISO and your photos have noise). It seems a bit pointless to contact him. 

However I just cant seem to get over it. We have ended up asking our videographer for some stills to boost the number of images of OHs family and we are looking at doing a cherish the dress couples shoot but honestly I begrudge having to pay out yet more money and it wont be the same as on the day. 

It hasn't helped that we have ordered an album from a separate company and they haven't processed the images properly (many are blurred despite using their proper tool) so we've had to complain.

I spent ages laying out the book too and it looks like we'll have to find another company and do it all again. 

SIL also just got married abroad and her photographer was lovely. She'll have some gorgeous photos of her in her dress and he took plenty of couples shots (both things we dont have). Chuck in some serious jet lag and a rubbish cold and Im feeling low over our own pictures again.

Sorry to rant and moan when there are so many worse things going on, but not sure how to get this of my head. 

 

 

Posts

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Hi ce

     

    i think thats rubbish what has happened and i would be mortified to.  

     

    However and this is going to be hard, you have your memories and your new life together to make more.   I once lost a while films worth of first christmas shots for my first born i cried for weeks, how would i ever explain it to her when she grew up, well shes 28 now and we laugh over it there really is no point in crying over spilt milk.  

     

    One day not now but one day you will look back on this and know you had a very special day together and special dress and people who love you around you.   

     

     

  • QueenDQueenD Posts: 325 New bride

    Aaww so sorry to hear that CE26

    Really feeling for you! It's so scary booking those vendors and relying on them and then when they disappoint what can you do?

    But I think you are doing the right thing, you have thought of ways to not fix but make the situation better : I think cherish the dress is a great idea, and getting stills as well.

    But yeah like you said its more money again unfortunately, unless you negotiate it with your photographer (although I can understand you don't want to) or maybe find a deal online or photographer who is starting and is much cheaper.

    Good luck xx

  • MrsGB2015MrsGB2015 Posts: 3,870 New bride

    CE - You are not alone here hun.  We had an issue where our photographer lost, yes lost most of our shots due to the cd drive messing up

     

    We had two photographers on the day and ended up with just one of the photographers shots but she wasn't the main photographer.  So we ended up with thousands of me an my girls getting ready but none of hubby and the boys!

     

    We also had none of the important shots, the actual marriage, signing the register etc etc.  I just wanted to cry when I found out!

     

    He managed to get some of them back by professionals who scrawled through the drive to retrieve things but we are still missing lots of shots and still to this day it pains me!

     

    All I can say hun is gather up guest shots (we found a lot of these actually came out amazingly well) and put together your own album of your favourites (when you find someone that can do a good job - tbh we used photobox in the end and its fine!) and just look forward to the future together.

     

    I wouldn't dwell on what others have and compare as it wont help hun - I know its easy said but like you said you cant go back to the day again.  Its tough but don't let it eat away at you just have the ones that you do love close to you and remember the day through them x

    Married since June 2015
    TTC since August 2015
    Miracle Baby due April 2020

    "The greater your storm, the brighter your rainbow"
  • CE26CE26 Posts: 349 New bride

    Thanks ladies. Im sorry to hear others have lost photos and had other problems. 

    We do have the important shots from the day so he definitely hasnt done a bad job in that way...and I'm sure most people would think there is nothing wrong with the photos and that I'm being entirely silly. He is good at what he does, but maybe our expectations were out of kilter with his. You sometimes just cant help how you feel and I'm just having a bad day because I feel rubbish and tired. 

    The only real problem we have is the lack of photos of OHs family...it's almost like they werent there (out of 270 photos there are maybe 6 of his side compared to around 100 of mine!) And its been noticed by the family so its all a bit awkward and we definitely cant redo any of those shots. Our guests didnt really take any either so we only have a really small pool to use. 

    The rest of the stuff is personal / subjective so in the grand scheme of things it doesnt really matter. There are some gems in there that we do love so its not a disaster by far. You just always hope for the amount you pay that you should be really happy with the result. 

    I think my top tips would be...

    - if you want documentary style dont assume you'll get everything you want even if a shot seems really obvious. If you want a particular shot ask for it! 

    - make sure you see photos your preferred photographer has taken of your venue and from around a similar time of year if you can. Try to ask to see a whole album, not just their favourite shots. 

     

  • Rosegold017Rosegold017 Posts: 476

    That's such a rubbish situation CE especially given how expensive photographers are.

    I don't know if this will offer any comfort, but my future sister-in-law gave me a gorgeous vintage photo album for Christmas with nothing in it. She said that they paid so much for their photographer and while he took lovely photos, her favourites were the ones that her guests took. So she gave me the album so I could print my favourite guest photos and fill the book.

    She even hangs a wedding picture on her wall taken by a friend, rather than the professional ones because they just look more natural and it captured the essence of the day more.

    Could you set up a dropbox account for your friends to upload their pics in full res?

  • CE26CE26 Posts: 349 New bride

    Thanks Rosegold. That album sounds lovely.

    Nobody was really taking photos...the few people who did have already given them to us. Unfortunately there are no extra of OHs family :( 

    We did get a few extra pictures of just the two of us which we love though. 

    Our favourite photo of the two of us was done by a guest.  She knows her way around a camera and does stunning landscape and wildlife work.  We were thinking of asking her to do the cherish the dress shoot - although its not her usual style she has done portrait stuff and wedding before. It'd also be mean a lot more to us to have this done by a friend and we think it might be more fun that way. 

  • sugarmousesugarmouse Posts: 189

    OP - so dreadfully sorry but I think it is worth contacting him and telling him how disappointed you are. This isn't just a job it's a vocation and he should care if he mucked it up.

     

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555

    Hey CE,

    Even though I can't directly relate, you 100% have my sympathy over struggling to get wedding regrets out of your head. Late last year, I became really down over how I looked on our wedding day: I felt I had picked the wrong dress, had my hair and make up done all wrong, basically failed in being a beautiful bride and it absolutely consumed me to the point with which I couldn't look at our photos (I took photos down from around the house it was that bad!) and cried at the prospect of weddings I have to attend this year as I felt it would remind me that whilst the bride (will definitely) be beautiful, I wasn't. 

    Anyway, I thought it was something I'd never get over and would have to live with, but my husband couldn't put up with my crying any longer and sent me to therapy! It's taken a few months, but basically, the reason I hated the photos so much and was so upset by them was because I was suffering from post-wedding blues. I never would have connected the two as I wasn't literally sad about the wedding being over when I started having these thoughts. I'm not saying this is the same for you, but it could be. I'm not saying you need to go to the lengths that I did and go to therapy either, but this sadness you're experiencing could just be a way of you mourning your wedding day. 

    I can't really offer you a solution because I don't think I can, however, knowing why I felt that way towards the photos lifted a massive weight off my shoulders and I have started to love them again for what they are and what they represent. It is very easy for us newlyweds to dwell on what has been and what we wished we could have changed, but I think with a bit more time and understanding yourself, this might become easier for you and you'll be able to move forward and enjoy what I'm sure is a very happy marriage  I'm really sorry if this is patronising, but I just wanted to offer another angle to your emotions. x

  • CE26CE26 Posts: 349 New bride

    Sugarmouse - overall he hasnt done a bad job and thats the problem. He is probably better than a number of togs in the business (he was the venues preffered tog, has loads of rave reviews and has won awards) and many would say his photos of our wedding are great.

    It's just so personal and that makes it weird to be disappointed as the only issue he is perhaps really responsible for is the lack of photos of OHs family. The rest is all so subjective and we are probably being picky. 

    OH feels whats done is done and there isnt anything to be gained by complaining as it wont change the fact that we are disappointed. 

    Lubes - I remember your post and I'm so sorry you felt that way. You looked beautiful and I hope you can now look back and see just how amazing you were. 

    Youre right to raise the point about post wedding blues - I do think there is an element of that in play. I played it over and over in my mind thinking about how it would all go. It all went so fast and I really felt like I dreamt the whole day and even the planning experience.

    I think because things moved on so quickly afterwards too - we got out photos and video back within 2 weeks. We didnt have a honeymoon after the wedding, then it was Christmas, and then SILs wedding came around - I think im just mulling it all over too much. 

    It was really a perfect day and I felt amazing. I just need a bt more time to let it go xx

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555
    CE26 wrote (see post):

    Sugarmouse - overall he hasnt done a bad job and thats the problem. He is probably better than a number of togs in the business (he was the venues preffered tog, has loads of rave reviews and has won awards) and many would say his photos of our wedding are great.

    It's just so personal and that makes it weird to be disappointed as the only issue he is perhaps really responsible for is the lack of photos of OHs family. The rest is all so subjective and we are probably being picky. 

    OH feels whats done is done and there isnt anything to be gained by complaining as it wont change the fact that we are disappointed. 

    Lubes - I remember your post and I'm so sorry you felt that way. You looked beautiful and I hope you can now look back and see just how amazing you were. 

    Youre right to raise the point about post wedding blues - I do think there is an element of that in play. I played it over and over in my mind thinking about how it would all go. It all went so fast and I really felt like I dreamt the whole day and even the planning experience.

    I think because things moved on so quickly afterwards too - we got out photos and video back within 2 weeks. We didnt have a honeymoon after the wedding, then it was Christmas, and then SILs wedding came around - I think im just mulling it all over too much. 

    It was really a perfect day and I felt amazing. I just need a bt more time to let it go xx

    Yes absolutely this! You are so right about it being a blur. Even though I went on honeymoon, I still felt everything moved on far too quickly. I have just started to feel like I can move forward and it's been eight months since my wedding :') I had a lot of time to reflect on why I ended up in such a state and it was because I threw myself into so many things to distract myself, I didn't actually just allow myself to be sad and take the time to find my feet again. Sounds similar for you. Look after yourself and don't beat yourself up for having these emotions. They will definitely pass - you just need a bit more time. x

  • Mrs B2b3Mrs B2b3 Posts: 255

    I know you're feeling upset at the minute but the reality is that within quite a short time your photos will go in a drawer and gather dust.

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