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Didn't invite friend to the wedding had wedding now friend upset

self explanatory really. Her mum found out I got married and told her. So said friend has proceeded to message and ask if true. Obviously said yes she was shocked said congrats... left at that. Few days later on honeymoon again and she straight up asks why wasn't I invited/did I upset you. I said when I'm home we can talk about it so she goes if you won't talk now don't bother and oh sorry didn't know you were on your honeymoon as didn't know you were getting married. 

 

1. I don't post alot of my life on Facebook eg not on there alot cos of my job 

2. This is a girl I was quite close to once upon a time we've been friends 16 years but we haven't text for nearly a year and a half and have had 3/4 Facebook conversations since May last year. So in that aspect that's why I couldn't invite her - weddings are so expensive! 

 

Any advice? I've been anxious most of my honeymoon now because she's messaged me and been horrible about it. I just couldnt afford everyone and anyone. 

Posts

  • Laura349Laura349 Posts: 1,001 New bride

    I've had visions of this happening with a friend of mine. We were similar to you (best friends for a lot of years, but now we hardly talk) she stopped talking to me November last year, and has only ever messaged to say it was nice to see me (we bumped into each other in the street so the message she sent felt quite forced to me!) 

    But with your friend it seems like more of her problems than yours, you haven't spoken to her for a while - unless she expected you to invite every person you hardly speak to to your wedding then she will just have to accept that it was your choice not to invite her and stop making you feel awful about it! 

    You know your reasons why you didn't invite her, and that's all that matters, try not to stress and enjoy your honeymoon xx

  • QueenDQueenD Posts: 325 New bride

    That's a sensitive one but you can only explain to her that, as much as you would have loved to, you were not able to invite everyone you wanted there. 

    I used to think people shouldn't be upset if they are not invited to a wedding but I also get their side now :

    1. most probably they are not married yet so haven't planned or paid for a wedding yet and therefore they have no idea how much it costs and how much planning goes into it. They just think you were mean for not inviting them when in fact, it's hard work to decide the final guest list

    2. they know you and wanted to share this important day with you. Its flattering in a way...

    Its a shame you thought about it during your honeymoon, that's a shame, but maybe let some time go by before you guys talk about it with an honest heart 

    Good luck x

  • JTQSNJTQSN Posts: 147

    Thank you ladies. I can see it from her view like you guys can but again from my view as well. It's tough if weddings didn't cost a lot then fine but meh. Were coming back today. It hasn't ruined our honeymoon but could have done with abit less drama. I have had a lovely time regardless xx 

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 406 New bride

    I think the fact that she didn't even know you were getting married says it all really. Had she been a close friend and actively tried to keep in touch sureley she would have known. 

    I had a friend who got engaged and in the heat of the moment asked me to be bridesmaid and then when it came to the wedding I was only invited to the evening (I was moved up to the day when someone declined) but I wouldn't dream of making her feel bad about it, let alone try and ruin her honeymoon over it. 

    I'd be blunt and quite up front with her and say that weddings come with a cost and as such restricts the number of people you could invite. I'd tell her that as she doesn't keep in touch and you aren't as close as you once were that family and close friends took precidence over her. 

    I wouldn't go for niceties, to be perfectly honest I don't think she deserves it. 

    Some people never cease to amaze me! Don't let it taint your marriage though, she doesn't sound like she's worth it. 

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    She is trying to make you feel bad.  If she was that bothered about you why didnt she call you months ago! You were right not to invitt her snd i would have nothing more to do with her again.  

    It doesnt matter how long you have known her, plenty of people never speak to old friends because they are your past!!!  

     

    i wouldnt have even replied to her while on honeymoon!  

     

     

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