Anyone else feel like cancelling?

Hi guys, I'm getting married 20/10/18. At the beginning I was super excited but now I just feel crushed heres the reasons why-

1.I lost my grandma and granddad within 3 months of each other this year and they were my only grandparents, I always envisioned them to be there.

2. My dad is so disinterested and doesn't contact me unless I make contact, he's asked me not to invite my mother as he hates her and said 'you cannot ask me not to say anything to your mother if I see her'. I'm trying to get my day guestlist together so I asked if he was definitely coming (he never went to my brothers wedding) his reply 'up to now yes'.

3. My sister who I am extremely close to is refusing to come if my mother is there, they haven't spoken in 9 years and recently they had a massive argument. I tried to compromise and told me sister that our mother is only coming to the ceremony and that she will be seated with my in-laws (who are the best people ever) because I really want her there but this isn't good enough for my sister 'if she is in the same room as me and my children then I wont be there'. My sister also cancelled our annual sister night out because of all this.

4. My MOH is absolutely no existent, she ignored me for 4 days and then when she finally got in touch I didn't reply so the next day she called me an ignorant ungrateful bitch so I stated that considering she read my message on the Monday and yet left it till the Thursday to reply she is the ignorant one. I told her my colour scheme I was having (grey with a little gold added here and there) and she replied that she did not like that as grey was depressing and would make the day a downer, sends me pictures of bridesmaid dresses that I see are not appropriate (very low cut so she can show off her new boobs, splits up to the crotch area) and gets mad when I disapprove. Has refused to come on my hen do using the excuse she has to work even though it isn't till May 2018. I started a group chat for her and my other bridesmaid so they could send each other ideas and surprise surprise she did not want to do that. I know she is lashing out at me at the moment because I cannot attend her birthday meal which is on a sunday night and as I explained to her I cannot do sundays as I have to get my children to bed for school and ready for school the next day, I offered to do something else with her but she is not want that.

I know my points are about my mother but how can I tell the woman who has been there for me through my post-natal depression, supported me when my ex walked out and left me and my two children with nothing, the only person in my family to offer to help towards the cost of my wedding that she cannot come because my dad and sister don't want her there. My mother is a pain in the arse who makes mistakes and says the wrong things but don't we all?!

Can anyone offer me advise because I feel I cannot speak to anyone, I am hugely stressed out and all I want to do is cry. Its affecting my relationship with my partner because he doesn't understand why I'm so upset as his family have always and still are really close. Sometimes I get jealous and wish I had a family like his.

Sorry for ranting :)




  • mrspea2bemrspea2be Posts: 275 New bride

    This sounds like an incredibly tough situation . I'm so sorry about your grandparents, maybe for one you can have a memory table in there honour ?, is there anything of there's you could wear as your something borrowed so they are with you ?. 

    As for your family , it's naughty that they are putting this on you , you should be happily planning ! It's a fantastic beautiful thing a wedding !. I would say there is plenty time to build bridges but it sounds like this isn't a new issue in your family . Have you told your sister how upset it's making you ?, I would carry on planning , it's for you and your future husband . You want to be together and you will be your own family unit and the is main focus. 

    I would carry on planning and if people start dropping out then remember this is you and your h2b making a commitment to each other and if no one else comes it's still all about you two as hard as it may feel . 

    Your maid of honour sounds like a cow ! I would get rid ! She doesn't sound like a supportive friend , and why should she make it difficult for you and cause arguments !. I did sack my maid of honour for similar reasons and I've never looked back. Wedding planning tends to show people's true colours and it might be the escape you needed from someone like that. But I do understand its not easy. 

    I hope things work out for you x

  • Ambam19Ambam19 Posts: 586 New bride

    I agree with mrspea2be

    just remember why you're getting married. It's about yours and H2bs love for each other and a commitment. All the rest is just "stuff" 

    i realise that doesn't make it less upsetting but I suggest u say the things that you've said to us face to face to your family x

  • VegasLouVegasLou Posts: 820 New bride

    Goodness you shouldn't have people dictating to you about your wedding day! They should be able to put their difference aside for one day. I would get rid of the MOH, she doesn't sound nice or supportive. Sorry to hear about your grandparents. I think you need to speak to your family about how upset you are xx

  • MrsM2018MrsM2018 Posts: 142

    I was recently at the point of wanting to cancel. It's awful, and I completely feel your frustrations. But like others have said, you have to remember that the essence of the day is celebrating your love and commitment with your partner. Its wrong for your family or friends to try to make your day about them. 

    We have some deep rooted family issues as well, but I've made it clear that anyone threatening not to come, for whatever reason, can stay away themselves. There is light at the end of the tunnel :) either they come to their senses, or you will get to the point where all that matters is you and your partner having a brilliant day 

    Feel free to PM me if you need to talk x 

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Ditch your he moh now, shes not helping you!  


    Neither are your dad and sister i would lay doen the law with either come or dont but mum will be there.  She seems the only person thinking about you and your needs and always have.  If your dad an sister want to be immature then its their loss.  Its sad but you need positive people who are putting you first right now not people acting like they were still at school.  


    We all struggle to get on with people sometimes but we are supposed to be adults and be civil pull together for the bride. They clearly are not. 


    one of my sisters , the closest so i thought is not attending mine, going on holiday with mates is more importsnt to her.  


    My h2b has no family attending not even parents so it does happen. 


    Hope you get the happy day you deserve.  

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 406 New bride

    Firstly so sorry about your grandparents. My grandma got diagnosed with vascular dementia shortly after we started planning our day. It hit me really hard knowing my only grandma won't be well enough to be at our wedding, I know it's a different situation but I completely understand how you feel. I'm sure your grandparents wouldn't want you to stop your life and your plans though. Maybe find some way to incorporate them into the day. 

    Secondly I'd invite them all. Be straight with them and say that your mum is invited and then if your dad and sister don't turn up, don't look at it as your loss but theirs. If they can't put their issues aside for one day then I'm sorry to say that you're probably better off without them there. I'd try asking your sister how she'd feel if you made her choose between you and someone else she really cares about. Might help her see how selfish she's being.

    Lastly get rid of the MOH sounds to me like a one sided friendship. I went through similar with my best friend and asking her to come just as a guest was the best decision I made. She hasn't spoken to me in months and is no longer coming to the wedding, but I feel so much happier not having to deal with her dropping me and picking me up whenever she wants something. You don't need the added stress.

    I really hope you get sorted.

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