Costs/Budget - Anyone else having heart attacks?

So I keep having panics about money/the cost of things and hyperventilating till H2b calms me down! usually fine but every now and then it hits me. Anyone else get panicked every now and again? I think I worry about budgeting for wedding and also managing rent/bills/life stuff. Also we've been spending on other close friends' weddings as guests (travel, accommodation) which is lovely but I feel the pinch sometimes! Being both self employed we're trying to work as much as possible. We're doing fine and within our limits spending and budget wise, so I feel it's sometimes a bit irrational but I just realise all of a sudden what an expensive year this is going to be! 

Any tips on how to calm down appreciated! Hopefully I'm not the only one and it's normal! 🙈

Posts

  • MrsM2018MrsM2018 Posts: 142

    Youre definitely not alone! I'll be browsing online or on the high street and catch myself thinking what else that £14.99 could go towards for the wedding! And when I think about all the payments coming out, I do freak out slightly. Ok, more than slightly. 

    The only thing I've found that helps me is rememberi it is just money and it'd be spent on something! When the fails, I usually try to distract my mind with something non wedding related. 

  • Ambam19Ambam19 Posts: 586 New bride

    Yes!! However we've decided that we still have to live our lives from now until the wedding so save up what we can and if we have to get a loan closer to the time then that's what we do As we'd be able to pay off pretty quickly afterwards. 

    not ideal but we're doing it once and exactly how we want to!

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    Not alone! I have been looking at our budget again and again, checking I haven't missed anything or gotten anything wrong. At the moment we are ok regarding our budget but still keep worrying. I am arranging to pay for many things as we go (photographer is being paid via direct debit and will be paid of in October for example) as I know I will feel better knowing there are less things I have to pay out nearer the time! Pretty much trying to make it so that the caterers are the only thing I have to pay come Novemeber next year!

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride
    MrsM2018 wrote (see post):

    Youre definitely not alone! I'll be browsing online or on the high street and catch myself thinking what else that £14.99 could go towards for the wedding! And when I think about all the payments coming out, I do freak out slightly. Ok, more than slightly. 

    The only thing I've found that helps me is rememberi it is just money and it'd be spent on something! When the fails, I usually try to distract my mind with something non wedding related. 

    Ha phew! Thanks for the reply. Glad it's not just me! h2b just sat me down and pre planned all our meals for the week to try and make me feel better - bless he's such a problem fixer! Plus I do think most of our money goes on food haha. That's very true that non wedding stuff could be a bit of respite too.

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride
    Sadieee wrote (see post):

    Not alone! I have been looking at our budget again and again, checking I haven't missed anything or gotten anything wrong. At the moment we are ok regarding our budget but still keep worrying. I am arranging to pay for many things as we go (photographer is being paid via direct debit and will be paid of in October for example) as I know I will feel better knowing there are less things I have to pay out nearer the time! Pretty much trying to make it so that the caterers are the only thing I have to pay come Novemeber next year!

    I know, it's so easy to worry even though you know you're on budget, isn't it! I never thought of direct debit tbh, might be something to keep in mind with suppliers yet to be booked! Thanks for the advice :)

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride
    FutureMrsT123 wrote (see post):
    Sadieee wrote (see post):

    Not alone! I have been looking at our budget again and again, checking I haven't missed anything or gotten anything wrong. At the moment we are ok regarding our budget but still keep worrying. I am arranging to pay for many things as we go (photographer is being paid via direct debit and will be paid of in October for example) as I know I will feel better knowing there are less things I have to pay out nearer the time! Pretty much trying to make it so that the caterers are the only thing I have to pay come Novemeber next year!

    I know, it's so easy to worry even though you know you're on budget, isn't it! I never thought of direct debit tbh, might be something to keep in mind with suppliers yet to be booked! Thanks for the advice :)

    Glad I could help :) The venue decorator I am looking at offers this service and my caterers have said I can pay them in chunks, leaving just the last £1000 or so for the 4 weeks before the wedding deadline (which can then be altered depending on my final numbers). Trying to sort it out with as many suppliers as I can :)

  • Laura349Laura349 Posts: 1,001 New bride

    Nope, your definitely not alone with it! I suffer really badly from anxiety as it is, and trying to budget everything (with what little money we have anyway) is a nightmare. 

    I worry that 3k for everything weddingy isn't enough, and that wed skint ourselves a bit too much when it comes to wedding saving! And now with the added surprise of a pregnancy we've got to consider everything again, and work out if we can afford to move house (If everything goes well with the pregnancy obviously!) 

     

    As for calming yourself down, I've tried meditation - I find it works quite well but everyone is different x

  • MrsPB2019MrsPB2019 Posts: 827 New bride

    For the first couple months of being engaged I constantly told H2B we couldn't afford a wedding. We have since sat down and looked at how much everything is likely to cost and how we'll pay for it and that's definitely helped make me feel relaxed. It's helped too that we haven't put down things like my work quarterly bonus and extra freelance work H2B can do towards the budget so hopefully we can save that money and it'll cover anything unexpected.

  • MrsNolanMrsNolan Posts: 683 New bride

    If you're genuinely getting so worked up you're hyperventilating that's worrying. Do you get panic attacks usually? 

    I'd suggest seeing a GP, but I'm the mean time, when I have panic attacks I have learned to 'ground myself'. Basically to bring yourself out of the elevated state of panic and back to the present. A good way to do this is by focusing on things around you, say out loud things you can see, concentrate on what you can smell, what you can touch etc. It'll help bring you back to the here and now.

    Failing that, lorazepam lol x

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride
    MrsNolan2017 wrote (see post):

    If you're genuinely getting so worked up you're hyperventilating that's worrying. Do you get panic attacks usually? 

    I'd suggest seeing a GP, but I'm the mean time, when I have panic attacks I have learned to 'ground myself'. Basically to bring yourself out of the elevated state of panic and back to the present. A good way to do this is by focusing on things around you, say out loud things you can see, concentrate on what you can smell, what you can touch etc. It'll help bring you back to the here and now.

    Failing that, lorazepam lol x

    Don't worry, I'm not that bad and I think it's in check, I used to suffer with anxiety during uni years but not so much now. It's just occasional feelings of panic and worrying about it - but not all the time. I think you're right with meditation and staying "present", I've found yoga a massive help too, and just remembering to breath! Thank you for the advice x

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride
    Laura349 wrote (see post):

    Nope, your definitely not alone with it! I suffer really badly from anxiety as it is, and trying to budget everything (with what little money we have anyway) is a nightmare. 

    I worry that 3k for everything weddingy isn't enough, and that wed skint ourselves a bit too much when it comes to wedding saving! And now with the added surprise of a pregnancy we've got to consider everything again, and work out if we can afford to move house (If everything goes well with the pregnancy obviously!) 

     

    As for calming yourself down, I've tried meditation - I find it works quite well but everyone is different x

    ahh congratulations! Exciting times! but yes it does add another dimension. Similarly I may be changing careers at some point soon so I feel it may be me feeling anxious about the changes and the sense of a new chapter too, so not just a money thing. Life gets in the way doesnt it! Yes ive tried meditation before but I keep forgetting to do it! Haha also yoga has helped! Bretahing deep ha. Thanks for the wise words x

  • Helen225Helen225 Posts: 861 New bride

    I would be wary of paying suppliers by direct debit as you could be in danger of over paying too early. If, god forbid, you had to cancel for whatever reason, trying to get the money off people that you've paid too early will be a nightmare. Instead I'd look at their cancellation policies and pay in line with them - for example if they say you lose 50% if you cancel ten weeks before, then pay 50% ten weeks before as you're gonna lose it anyway. If you did direct debit, you might have paid 60% by this point. 

  • MrsBeehanMrsBeehan Posts: 378 New bride
    FutureMrsT123 wrote (see post):
    MrsM2018 wrote (see post):

    Youre definitely not alone! I'll be browsing online or on the high street and catch myself thinking what else that £14.99 could go towards for the wedding! And when I think about all the payments coming out, I do freak out slightly. Ok, more than slightly. 

    The only thing I've found that helps me is rememberi it is just money and it'd be spent on something! When the fails, I usually try to distract my mind with something non wedding related. 

    Ha phew! Thanks for the reply. Glad it's not just me! h2b just sat me down and pre planned all our meals for the week to try and make me feel better - bless he's such a problem fixer! Plus I do think most of our money goes on food haha. That's very true that non wedding stuff could be a bit of respite too.

    Haha! I think most of my money goes on food too!

    Don't worry you're not alone, it's an expensive business but as long as you and h2b have a plan you'll be fine. Not sure how long you've had to save but we've had about 18 months and I go from thinking, "ah we've got plenty of time" to "ahhhhhhhh what if we haven't saved enough by the time it comes around!!" But when it gets closer we'll be more likely to be more frugal with money and do more overtime. Also we had the same thing with weddings, two weekends in a row and also the hen do's and second hen do's......I'm skint!! Haha!

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride
    MrsBeehan2Bee wrote (see post):
    FutureMrsT123 wrote (see post):
    MrsM2018 wrote (see post):

    Youre definitely not alone! I'll be browsing online or on the high street and catch myself thinking what else that £14.99 could go towards for the wedding! And when I think about all the payments coming out, I do freak out slightly. Ok, more than slightly. 

    The only thing I've found that helps me is rememberi it is just money and it'd be spent on something! When the fails, I usually try to distract my mind with something non wedding related. 

    Ha phew! Thanks for the reply. Glad it's not just me! h2b just sat me down and pre planned all our meals for the week to try and make me feel better - bless he's such a problem fixer! Plus I do think most of our money goes on food haha. That's very true that non wedding stuff could be a bit of respite too.

    Haha! I think most of my money goes on food too!

    Don't worry you're not alone, it's an expensive business but as long as you and h2b have a plan you'll be fine. Not sure how long you've had to save but we've had about 18 months and I go from thinking, "ah we've got plenty of time" to "ahhhhhhhh what if we haven't saved enough by the time it comes around!!" But when it gets closer we'll be more likely to be more frugal with money and do more overtime. Also we had the same thing with weddings, two weekends in a row and also the hen do's and second hen do's......I'm skint!! Haha!

    Haha oh totally, hen dos add up too! And now I make a special effort cos I would want friends to do the same or my wedding but it all adds up! We've got almost a year to go before the day itself - we're 22nd July 2018, and I keep doing the same, thinking ah well its ages away and then fast forward in my head! 

  • MrsM2018MrsM2018 Posts: 142
    Laura349 wrote (see post):

    Nope, your definitely not alone with it! I suffer really badly from anxiety as it is, and trying to budget everything (with what little money we have anyway) is a nightmare. 

    I worry that 3k for everything weddingy isn't enough, and that wed skint ourselves a bit too much when it comes to wedding saving! And now with the added surprise of a pregnancy we've got to consider everything again, and work out if we can afford to move house (If everything goes well with the pregnancy obviously!) 

     

    As for calming yourself down, I've tried meditation - I find it works quite well but everyone is different x

    Laura, H2B's friend got married a few years ago on a tiny budget as they'd put most of their money on buying a home. It was a wonderful day filled with the people who genuinely care about them. The food was never ending, weather was perfect, bride looked amazing and we all had a great time. On the other hand I've been to bigger budget weddings where the couple kind of gets drowned out in all the mayhem. So don't worry (especially not now you're expecting), budget isn't everything. 

    I have to admit, H2B sat me down to talk budget which put my mind at ease ... for about two minutes lol. I just try not to think about the overall cost now. Just focusing on individual costs and paying off what we can before next year. 

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