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Flaky friend / bridesmaid

Hi Charlie, just letting you know your post was cut off. xx


  • Charlotte237Charlotte237 Posts: 274 New bride

    Gosh! Sounds complicated! did she say when she might be able to let you know? 

  • Hi Charlie

    You are certainly not being selfish, you are looking at the (her) bigger picture and making allowances for her.  Having been down the route of infertility etc, I can confirm that you're unable to think about or  plan anything that isn't baby related, and I'm sure this explains her reaction.

    Sadly no one is as excited about our weddings as much as we are after the initial congratulations (I certainly use this forum for all wedding chat thats lacking from my friends)

    I think, in your situation, I would take a step back, support her through her IVF treatment and hopefully celebrate with her if its successful.  If it isn't, your wedding and planning maybe just what she needs to help take her mind of things.  So, in short, don't expect anything from her now, and wait to make any decision until later.

    Good luck.  You sound like a good friend, and she may need you. xx


  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    I think its reasonable that she cannnot confirm straight away as its an abroad wedding, her lack of enthusiasm is pretty telling though. I think you have to give her some time to figure stuff out but its also totally reasonable to ask her to let you know by X date so that you can confirm bridal party.

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    I think its completely normal for anyone to be unable to immediately confirm whether or not theyll ne able to attend a destination wedding. Itll depend on so much for anybody, finances and holiday entitlement being just 2 of a long list of considerations. 

    I wanted a destination wedding and found that people accepted too quickly without thinking it through and then backed out, ruining my plans. Whereas if they put a bit of thought into it Id have known it wasnt working out the way I hoped and could of saved myself a lot of time and heartache.

    In your friends case she will obviously be hoping that shell be pregnant or a mother by then, both of which will potentially impact her decision and her finances.

    I think its a good thing that she hasnt rushed into squealing and jumping about and making plans. She needs to be realistic, and that means not being able to make a decision yet.

    As for her enthusiasm and your friendship in general it does sound like shes a bit self centred, but its sounds like she was excited about the wedding before, wanting to make plans etc. Maybe its just the reality of the destination situation thats caused her to be guarded.

  • BrideSS85BrideSS85 Posts: 4

    I'm going through something similar. I also think that if you resorted to posting about the issue then you know the real reason why she is behaving that way. My friend has been trying to 7 years to have a baby and was over the moon to be asked to be a bridesmaid. She's now 21 weeks pregnant but that doesn't mean she hasn't helped or been supportive. If she got pregnant and then said I can't travel to the venue or whatever you would understand, it's the whole planning process and having someone to enjoy and share things with, not just holding your dress while you prefer on the day! I'm sure mentally she's in a different place but you've both been going through the same thing and confiding in eachother so she must know that you support her. 

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