Drama with my best friend/MOH

I love my maid of honour. She's my best friend and I would do literally anything for her. She has seen me at my best and at my lowest and she stood by me.

You may remember when I first got engaged I posted that she was taking over my wedding. Well that dropped off after she could tell I was getting upset with it all.

Well today we had an arguement over whatsapp which has reduced me to tears all morning.

I brought her dress and my other bridesmaid dress in the sale from Debenhams shortly after I got engaged, she knew this and asked for a size 16 as she wants to lose 4 stone by the wedding. The dresses were 70% off. She asked me to send some pictures of shoes I liked for her to see which today I did. Well today she is being difficult. She has wide feet like me but keeps saying she won't wear this colour, won't wear shoes with bows etc.

She said it shouldn't matter whether the shoes match the other bridesmaid and that I shouldn't have brought the dresses because there is a risk she won't look right in it. I told her I would try and sell them and buy 2 more next summer. Again that was wrong in her eyes and she then said that it was my fault that I can't afford exclusive use of my venue because I keep making silly mistakes like buying dresses early. She forgets everything I have brought or ordered I have had discounts etc. Her parents are well off and her wedding was exclusive use, which she keeps reminding me of.

She then accuses me of stressing her out and guilt tripping her. I'm the one who drops things at the drop of a hat when she needs me or something. I don't know if I can carry on like this for another year. This wedding is brining out the worst in people. He daughter (my surrogate niece) is flowergirl and she had no problem with me ordering her dress early again from the sale!

Sorry for the rant and moan, just feeling fed up and want to burn my wedding planner and just run away.

Posts

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    Don't burn the planner!!

    Your MOH does sound like a pain in the bum! but she's right in as much as buying the dresses early was a risk, but you clearly knew that and made the decision to get them as they were a great price and that is your business and not hers! Why she's going on about exclusive use? I doubt two dresses at 70% off is the same price as having exclusive use!!

    You have plenty of time before your wedding so maybe try to completely forget about the wedding this weekend and hopefully you'll feel better after a break from it!

     

  • MrsHowgateMrsHowgate Posts: 1,425 New bride
    wed172B wrote (see post):

    Don't burn the planner!!

    Your MOH does sound like a pain in the bum! but she's right in as much as buying the dresses early was a risk, but you clearly knew that and made the decision to get them as they were a great price and that is your business and not hers! Why she's going on about exclusive use? I doubt two dresses at 70% off is the same price as having exclusive use!!

    You have plenty of time before your wedding so maybe try to completely forget about the wedding this weekend and hopefully you'll feel better after a break from it!

     

    She knew that exclusive use was something I wanted but unfortunately we couldn't afford the extra amount that the venue wanted for it. I've dealt with it and I'm over it....just, but she just keeps reminding me that she had exclusive use etc and I don't and told me to make cuts from my wedding to pay for it. I've already had to cut the flower bill by nearly £600 (because I felt we had too many flowers going on) which she's not happy with so I am at a loss as to what to do. As I say I love her to bits, we've seen each other at our lowest but my wedding is making her someone I don't really like at the moment and I hate saying that.

  • Jessica228Jessica228 Posts: 98

    To me it sounds like there might be underlying issues here and maybe it's not necessarily about the dresses / exclusive use. Maybe your MOH is worried that she won't lose the weight in time and that she won't look her best on the day. As brides we can get caught up in everything but it's a big deal for bridesmaids as well to walk down the aisle and have everyone looking at them.

    For me, I wanted to make sure my bridesmaids feel comfortable and beautiful on the day and it took a long time but we found something everyone liked and with discount from debenhams so you can make everyone happy and get a great deal too.

    It sounds like you've been very organised but you still have over a year to plan so maybe take some time off or at least take your time in making purchases. It might be tempting to get something there and then when you see a great deal but in the long run it could end up being more expensive if you need to change things further down the line, plus everyone can lose / gain a whole load of weight in a year so it is risky buying dresses and shoes so early.

    Hopefully you'll sort things out - maybe you both need a good long catch up and chat about whats going on in eachothers lives, it could be you're both going through a rough time at the moment and the wedding stuff is just the thing that's in the forefront making you both lose your tempers.

     

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 406 New bride
    MrsHowgate2B wrote (see post):
     I've already had to cut the flower bill by nearly £600 (because I felt we had too many flowers going on) which she's not happy with so I am at a loss as to what to do. 

    I'm sorry but why does it matter if she's not happy with the flowers, it's not her wedding!! The wedding should be about what you want, not her.

    I had my own MOH drama, but I let it build for too long before I spoke to her, and when I finally plucked up the courage to talk to her it had gotten to a point where I wasn't even sure I wanted her at our wedding. When I did speak to her I tried so hard not to hurt her feelings and not to tell her how awful she'd made me feel, there had been a change in circumstances for both of us so I used this as a way to ask her to step down, and offered her the chance to do a reading or a speech. She said she was fine about it all and ignored my suggestion for doing a reading or a speech and about a week later stopped speaking to me completely. The awful part is that I stewed for so long that I don't even miss her and am relieved she won't be at the wedding.

    So my advice to you would be to sort it out now, be honest with her and don't let it get to a point where the friendship can't be saved. I'm sure if you explain how she is making you feel that and that she has had her day, and got to have it exactly how she wanted it, that she will understand how she has been coming across and maybe back off a little. 

    As for the dresses, what length are they? If they will are floor length then I would agree that the shoes don't have to match, just maybe be the same colour. Also are you happy with the dresses? If you are then stick to your guns, if she wasn't happy the time to tell you so was before you bought the dresses. Now you risk losing money and it could end up costing you more for different dresses. 

    I really hope you get sorted without ruining your friendship though 

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