Advice please-has anyone else had this situation?

 So basically I like the thought of being married but not the actual wedding itself. I have never been bothered by weddings and marriage itself to me is simply a name change and legal thing. 

I feel under a lot of pressure to have a 'wedding' as I am certain the mother in law thinks it will instantly lead to grandchildren for her (neither of us want children and have explained this to her). She is also obsessed with everything weddings, dress, cake, flowers etc. And believes it to be the best day ever. We both think it is sad if getting married is your sole best day ever and purpose...

On top of this after a sketchy childhood I have highly strained relations with my dad, and virtually say two words to my mum. I'm not massively close to siblings as we all live in different locations and just want/view life differently. I have a good set of friends.

I am not interested in the sit down meal, aisle, massive dress, formality etc. but would like the name xhange/honeymoon. 

 

 

 

Posts

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    So just go to the registry office and have something low key like a meal after with your closest friends? Don't be pressured into the big white wedding if it's not what you want.

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    Then that's what you should have :) there's absolutely no requirement to do any of those things if you don't want to!! Just do the registry office with a few people and go straight on honeymoon if you want or have a very low key gathering at your house / go the pub whatever you want!! 

  • Helen225Helen225 Posts: 861 New bride

    Do as the others have said. I know someone recently who had planned a christening for their child and secretly added their wedding to the end as a surprise because they didn't want any fuss or the stress beforehand. The whole day was about the child, e.g. the cake was christening themed, except for the 15 minutes where they said their vows. It suited them perfectly so you can make it low key. What about planning a holiday and getting married (low-key) whilst you're there?

  • C13C13 Posts: 3

    Thank you to everyone who has posted so far...I was actually going to write more on the post but my phone mistook down for send! That is why it bluntly ends lol.

    Firstly, my anxiety levels have lowered as I feel a bit more normal. I thought there was something wrong with me or even the relationship as I truly have no excitement for the 'day/evening' but do for the name change etc. Stupidly, I have over a number of years put up excuses, like money, time, buying house but now we are almost there with all if that, I thought I gave to just man-up and think of some kind of way. I did think about going abroad for a marriage/honeymoon but I think it would be nice to have friends as it might be not that good if lots of them can't come. 

    What I might do is contact the registry, have a chat with friends and maybe post back my idea? I have anxiety in general so for me the build up is also extremely stressful in my mind so I will have to think of a way. I like the christening idea! We had a big birthday last year, maybe should have tagged it onto that lol. 

    Thanks again guys. It's just hard when you don't feel 'excited' and get asked all the time if your mum is helping with the dress. I think this is partly what made me feel so abnormal. 

     

     

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