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Hen Party Cancelled.....

I am just looking to get this off of my chest and this seems like the best place to do it.  My fiance and I have been engaged for 2 years.  The wedding is in 2 months.  For the last year my MOH has been a total nightmare for all of us to deal with.  My bridesmaids and I thought we could suck it up and handle her, smile and nod, but the closer we get to the wedding the more outrageous she is to deal with.

My hen party was suppose to be the end of next month.  On Friday one of my bridesmaids called me to let me know that my MOH has been making planning the hen party very difficult for them. I was told she was arguing every idea and suggestion, at the same time she had no suggestions or ideas of her own.  Just that she thought everything the girls came up with was stupid, not going to work out, ect.  So I decided to call the MOH myself and see if I could help out in any way to try and settle the situation.  I called her on Sunday night.  The conversation was very long and she was very angry/aggressive the entire time.  

She insisted that I take over planning my own hen party because all the girls ideas were 'stupid' and the guests that SHE invited would not like their ideas.  Yup, she had her own guest list of people that she wanted to invite.  People who I am not too fond of.  She told the bridesmaids that I knew all about her guest list and I was okay with it.  She wanted me to host my own hen party at my house, demanding that I provide food for everyone and that the hen party go from 7pm - 2am.  I explained that I only wanted the bridal party at the hen party and I had just wanted to go for dinner and have a few drinks.  She told me that HER guests would never be okay with that.  I told her that I did not want her guests there as I was unaware that they were invited.  She told me that was too bad, they were all ready invited and were looking forward to being there.

The bridesmaids were feeling the same way as me and just wanted to go for dinner, keep it simple.  My MOH basically tried to turn the hen party into an event for her being hosted by me.  The bridesmaids and I decided to cancel the whole thing. I explained to the MOH that it was canceled because this was becoming an event for herself and I felt like it was not for me at all.  None of us have heard from her since yesterday when I told her this.

I am extremely disappointed with my MOH.  Her attitude with having to make our wedding and events all about her.  She is acting so selfish and it seems to be getting worse. The bridesmaids and I feel it is too close to the wedding to replace her and yet none of us can really stand to be around her anymore. She just seems to be raining on the parade.  We think we will probably go out to dinner for an evening without her to make up for the hen party lost but it is still a bit of a bummer.


  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    Not sure how to begin, but she sounds awful! Plan a new hen do, the one you actually want, its not cancelled, youve just took control.

    I would also recommend sacking her now. Do you want her there while youre getting ready for your big day? Walking down your aisle? Smiling in all your photos forever more?

  • Tanya128Tanya128 Posts: 1,993

    Sack the MOH, she doesn't sound like much of a friend. Then plan your own night. I planned mine (my chief bridesmaid, no MOH, is my 10 year old daughter so couldn't do it) we had cocktails followed by dinner then the next day a few of us went to Thorpe park courtesy of my Tesco vouchers. I can honestly say (apart from a few daft questions the day of) that it was totally stress free and an absolutely brilliant night out. You don't need to have someone organise a night out for you, just get rid of the nightmare you don't need to replace her just have bridesmaids, and then have a fun night doing what you want to do!

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,440 New bride

    Definitely sack the MOH! If she's being awkward now... She will be awkward at the wedding!

  • Dora3Dora3 Posts: 1,218

    I didn't have a MOH but made clear to my bridesmaids I didn't want a hen do. They planned a completely perfect day just me and them for my 'non hen do' as we called it. 

    She should be listening to what you want, not herself! Agree with the above comment of, do you want her in your photos? I have a guest in my photos that ruined my day and I get mad every time I look at his face. If you don't want her there, don't let her come!!! Trust me on this one! 

  • MissSMissS Posts: 267 New bride

    Agreed- just sack this whole thing off and plan you and your BMs doing what you want. She's clearly forgotten who the bride is here!

  • Ohh noooo, who is she? Is she one of your best friends? She seems horrible, I would say to sit down with all of you girls and talk about it, or just two of you. If you are friends, she should understand, if not, then she should not be there at all! That supposed to be one of the best time of your life, you are the princess, once her time is going to come, then she will be...that how it goes. My MOH is my BFF, totally trust her, she knows me the best, I am not worried at all. YET. haha 

    I hope you will work it out between yourselves, enjoy your single life, hun! x

  • mrspea2bemrspea2be Posts: 275 New bride

    I had a fall out with my maid of honour (none wedding related) and I've never looked back it was 8 months now . I never replaced her as I didn't think it was fair to promote a bridesmaid and possible make her feel like a second choice . One of my bridesmaids is super organised she took the lead on my hen night and I had an amazing time !. I have a hen party section on my planning thread with tips , and I must say you have to do what you want and don't worry about offending others , it really shows people's true colours planning a wedding !. 

    I wouldn't cancel if I was you I would book a restaurant of that's what you want to do, I wouldn't go off with the other bridesmaids I would Atleast offer the moh a place for the new plan, as things may calm down once she's kicked her wounds and then it might get ugly again if she feels left out . You choose her for a reason so you just think alot of her, give her the option , if she refuses shes not a true friend and not someone you want representing you on your big day xx

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