H2b a bit stuck with best man choices

I'm trying to help out my partner. I think he's stuck with his best man choices. Although he has plenty of male friends, they are either not close enough or he doesn't think they can take the pressure.

His two favourite choices are a work colleague he's worked alongside for the last 5+ years. I think he spends more time with him and than me haha! But apparently he doesn't cope well with stress and in meetings it's always my partner who does the speaking so the speech may be difficult

The second is an old uni friend who he used to be super close with, we all did. We stayed in touch but then suddenly something changed. Not only did he stop inviting us to things like before he wouldn't even respond to us when we contacted him. After countless let downs (one when he said he was on holiday when actually he wasn't and not responding to our engagement invite at all) Ive said I dont even want him at the wedding let alone best man. He has made no effort to stay in contact. But my partner is upset by this and is still clinging on to hope they will be friends like before. Other than that there isn't really anyone else I can picture in the role. :s not sure how to help


  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Oh gosh what a pickle, thats a hard choice but id go with the workmate the other doesnt seem to really want to know, i think he has moved on.  


    My h2b had this problrm to but his best lifetime friend who he wants as best man has a wife with severe agoraphobia and ge doesnt know if they will make it.  He has ordered a suit for the best man but not told me who he is yet!!  

  • Mrs17Mrs17 Posts: 876 New bride

    It does sound like he's in a bit of a pickle! You say you 'think he's stuck'. Has he actually asked you for help on this?

    If not, I'd stay out of it. He shouldn't be worrying about whether they can take the pressure - anyone he asks does have the option to say no. I will say as well, that if he wanted to ask his workmate, the best man doesn't need to make a speech. But the best man is his choice and I would leave this to him. He will pick the most important person to him for the role, I wouldn't worry about it unless the wedding is next week.


  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,136 New bride

    I would try to stay out if it unless he directly asks as you telling him the truth about his second friend might upset him (it seems very clear this friend has moved on but sometimes you just don't really want to hear it). Instead maybe suggest things like the best man making a toast instead of a whole speech, or perhaps doing it combined with the ushers (if you're having any). i also think a lot of people hate the idea and you'd think they wouldn't want to but given the honour of being asked actually feel they have to "step up to the plate" and do a good job unexpectedly. 

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