His divorced parents

Hi I'm new and a friend told me to give these forums a go. So I need some advice and opinions in what to do..

Me and my other half are getting married next year in September. The venue is booked and the dress sorted but that is it. Anytime I try to bring something up about the wedding and try to plan something my other half shuts down and won't speak about it at all.

So the reason we are currently having issues with this is because 3 years ago his parents got divorced. They've both now met new people and engaged to new people. All good you would think. But no his father has not gotten over it clearly and is acting like a child saying if she stays in her corner and doesn't talk to me then its fine. 

Obviously this has really stressed out my other half to the point where he is not looking forward to the day at all. And all because he is worried about what might happen and the atmosphere it will create. 

So we've considered getting married abroad instead just us two or with 2 friends or just my parents. When I've spoke about it to close friebds and my parents they have said they wont be happy because they want to be there obviously and one of my closest friends who i thought would understsnd said we will regret it later. Which maybe we will but how can we go ahead with a wedding day that only one of us is excited for. 

This is meant to be a partnership and I hate the idea of not having my close family and friends there on the day. I'm very family orientated person. But I want my other half to be happy and excited about the day. I want him to be stressed out because the colour of the cake is not the same shade as the flowers not because of the tension between his parents. 

Just to show how his dad is being difficult his mum said if it was going to cause problems she won't be there. For her son's wedding she was going to sacrifice it so there would be no issues. 

I don't know what to do and I need some opinions and advice anything anyone can give. 

Thank you! 

Posts

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    Just seat them away from each other and tell them not to talk to each other. My parents are divorced but amicable whereas h2bs parents can't stand each other and have only seen each other once (My daughter's christening) since their divorce was all done with around 10 years ago. They however know just not to talk to each other and we've sat them at opposite ends of the room. As long as no one forces them to socialise together it should be fine

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    My husbands parents got divorced 15 years ago and don't get on at all but they were absolutely fine on the say. Just tell them that you expect them to be amicable so as to not cause any fuss on the day. Everything will be fine. We sat ours at the opposite ends of the top table. 

  • NelleNelle Posts: 2

    Our wedding will likely be the first time they've been face to face with each other since the divorce and I'd like to think for the one day they can just be civil. So it's very comforting to hear other people have not had any issues! 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    We were worried about our daughters christening (h2b's sisters also do not get on at all) but they all just avoided each other and it was fine. There's always plenty other people around to keep them busy/distracted from each other :)

  • Rach371Rach371 Posts: 1,122 New bride

    My parents were divorced 28 years ago but you think it was yesterday by the way they both act, despite both having moved on and remarried. 

    I have been married before, at 22, and I was really nervous about them being in the same room together. The only time they'd been together before then was at my graduation where they argued and upset me and cast a massive shadow over the day. 

    On my wedding day, they were sat at separate ends of the table and surprisingly everything was fine. They didn't talk but it wasn't awkward either. 

    I would speak to both parents (or get h2b to speak to them) and explain that you really would love a wedding with your family and friends and that both parents are important to you and that you hope that, for one day anyway, they can put their differences aside and be happy for their son. 

    Talk to your husband and explain how important it is for you that you have your family and friends and tell him pretty much what you've told us, that you want to be excited to start your married life together and not feeling as though you're the only one looking forward to it. 

    Good luck x 

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