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Shouldn't I be happy?

My partner asked me to marry him in July this year and we decided to start planning straight away, within a month we had booked our venue and set a date for next year which only gives us 8 months to plan our wedding. Since then everything has gone down hill. Nothing seems to be going right and I feel very stressed. I have had issues with family being unhappy with aspects of the planning we have done and it has caused upset. I can't seem to find a dress that I love and everyone keeps telling me that I need to find a dress soon as it will take a while to be ordered in. All of these stresses have caused me and my partner to argue a lot. We rarely argued before this. 

I feel like this should be the happiest time of my life and I've been waiting a long time for this. Where is the excitement and happiness? I seem to be crying and unhappy all the time. 

What's wrong with me? Why am I not enjoying this. I've always dreamed of getting married and this is not living upto expectations.

Is there something wrong with me?

Posts

  • Tanya128Tanya128 Posts: 1,993

    No there's nothing wrong with you. There are inevitably high expectations of weddings that those who haven't been through the planning process don't appreciate the stress that it can cause. Id suggest taking some time to sit with your h2b and really discuss what you both want out of your day. Remember that it is "your" day and no one else's it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or expects, at the end of the day you need to do what makes the two of you happy. Focus on the important part which is the commitment you want to make to each other everything else is just extra so pare it back to what makes you happy and stress free and then I think you'll find it will become fun again! And it is fun so long as you focus on what's important. 

  • NikkiMNikkiM Posts: 1,654 New bride

    I found during the wedding planning process, me and my husband argued more than we had ever done and we generally don’t argue. Now that we’re married, we’re back to normal and feel happier than ever. The wedding planning was stressful and emotional at times and my husband got the brunt of that stress unfortunately. Someone always has to stick their oar in when ultimately it’s about you and your h2b. Do what you both want and don’t listen to anyone else. You’ll be much happier believe me! 

    As for the dress, try not to worry too much. You’ll find one that you love and you’ll have plenty of time to order it/buy it etc.

  • MrsL-GMrsL-G Posts: 86 New bride

    For me the two most stressful things were a venue and my mother's unexpected demands. The first you've done which is brilliant (does yours have a recommended supplier list?). As for dealing with family, all I can say is don't expect them to be reasonable! 😂 If they are contributing, they will expect to have a say (I don't agree with this) but in our case, we are paying and my mother is still making demands. I have given into 2 of 3. The third time my fiancee put his foot down and told her no. I think she forgot that while she can emotionally blackmail me, it doesn't work on him! If you can accommodate them, what's the harm? And if you really can't or don't want to, explain your reasons and stand your ground, shoulder to shoulder. Remember it's your wedding and you're a team!

    I think I'm doing really well with my planning but only because I know I stress out easily so I have deliberately kept on top of things. I took about a month to find a dress but I tried on about 70. And at the first fitting, I wasn't blown away. There's a lot of hype about wedding planning but in reality, it's not always the way we expect.

    How many dress shops have you been to? How many styles of dresses have you tried on? What do you like, what don't you like? Was there a dress you liked but didn't feel like was the One? Could it easily be altered to be the One?

    Identify what you need to do and what issues there are. That's the first step and you'll feel better for it. Then get tackling!

  • Thank you all for your advise I was really starting to get down with it all and was even questioning if I really want this wedding. 

    I think it's because I don't feel that I'm getting the wedding I want and everything is being chosen for me. 

    My mum is quite mad at me at the moment for what feels like a lot of silly reasons (not picking the favours she said or suggesting there could be a few people I won't invite) but it all came to a head when I told her the wording of our invitations (because we are not going for the traditional parents  names would like to invite to the wedding of their daughter) it seemed to push her over the edge. Although our parents are helping financially we are paying the majority of our wedding ourselves. Is it so wrong to make these decisions based on what we want?

    As for dresses I've been to 3 shops. In the first one I didn't like anything and quite quite upset because I felt that my weight was the issue. The second I really liked two dresses and couldn't pick between them. The difficulty is they are both so different 1 big  Princess dress and the other classic lace vintage looking. I questioned if I can't pick then maybe neither of them are the one. I think the difficulties lie with I don't know what I really want. I thought I would just try in a dress and know that it's the one. 

    I've woken up today trying to feel more positive bit ultimately I feel like a dear in headlights I just don't know what to do next. I don't do well with not knowing and not having a plan but the truth is I don't have a clue where to go from here. 

     

  • MrsL-GMrsL-G Posts: 86 New bride

    Regarding those two dresses, I had the same dilemma. The princess look was very flattering but so was another sleeker, simpler dress. I went with the latter because it was more my style and suited our venue better. Instead of thinking there's no clear winner so neither could be right, think of it this way. Despite thinking your weight is an issue, think of the fact you found two dresses you really like and feel beautiful in. Give it a few days and then go back with someone whose opinion you really trust.

    My parents were going to contribute initially but when my mother started to be difficult, we decided to pay it all ourselves. My relationship with my mother became strained so I didn't involve her in the wedding planning. Not ideal but definitely less stressful.

    Talk to your fiance about what you both would like. Ultimately, you're the ones getting married and it should be something you look forward to and enjoy.

  • I sympathise with you, wedding planning is stressful and emotionally draining. I'm predispositioned to anxiety on a day to day basis, so planning 'the big day' has been difficult but I'm getting there. 

    Try to take some time for yourself. Visualise the day you actually want. And if it's not what your family have expected of you, do your best to keep moving forward. Do you have some close friends who can support you?

    I have caused upset by having such a small wedding day. My dress is not traditional. Our venue arrangements are not traditional. So I know I've ruffled feathers in my extended family. But ultimately it's a day for my other half and I to celebrate how we want to, and those family members who truly know us well are really excited and really supportive. 

    You may not be able to please everyone, but the day is about you two. This is an opportunity to put yourselves first and have a day that will make you happy, however big or small you choose to go.

  • I completely know how you feel, me and my partner got engaged in July and I wanted to start planning right away, however his side of the family and even him are making life so impossible regarding the wedding I can't tell you the amount of stress it's caused me. I'm hoping itll all sort itself out but the only thing I would say is thank goodness your all done with this difficult part. All I seem to have done is cry haha!!

    now honestly tell me this, it is meant to be the happiest day of your life, and it's the one and only day you get to be the centre of attention and an absolute princess... so why do I feel like im being denied of that? Constantly being bossed around by not only my partner but his side of the family too... there seems to be no compromise. Am I wrong to think this is unfair? 

    Completely understand how you feel about do you even want this wedding... seems more hassle and upset than it's worth. But I'm so jealous you're futher ahead with plans than I am, I wish you all the luck and you'll have the best of day Xxxxx

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