Being blackmailed by bridesmaid :(
I'm a groom, due to get married in March 2018. My bride-to-be has chosen her two sisters to be her bridesmaids. One of whom has a daughter and is to be our flower-girl.
Problems started last week.
One of the bridesmaids has had an off-on relationship with the father of her daughter. They split up, get back together, split up, get back together at least once or twice a year for a period of a few weeks.
When they split up, she tells her family that they've split up because either they argue, he hits her, or he does drugs (weed and ecstasy) in front of their daughter. She paints such a negative picture of him to the extent that none of the family don't like him.
They recently got back together again and has been denying that he ever hit her, although admits that he still does take drugs.
On Saturday last weekend, she sent a text message to my bride-to-be, asking "Just thought I'd ask this and see what happens - I need a plus one to your wedding".
Both my fiance and I don't like her boyfriend and we told her that we had no plans to invite him.
She then became abusive, and started blackmailing my fiance, telling her that she would not come, and she would not have a flowergirl. My fiance became upset, so I stepped in and politely asked her not to blackmail her. I told her she would spoil the wedding if she didn't come along. We also pointed out that it was OUR day, not hers, and that we were at liberty to invite whoever we wanted. All this was done in a polite way.
She then started sending me abusive text messages and has now gotten her mum involved, who can't see why we shouldn't invite her boyfriend, claiming that he's changed, and that he's entitled to a second chance. I told her by text that he's on his 8th or 9th chance now and that the decision stands. For some reason, she suddenly told me not to threaten her or her mother (which I didn't do) or shout at them (which I didn't do).
A few hours later, that same day, I suggested a compromise, after discussing with my fiance. We would allow her boyfriend to come. We pointed out that we didn't want him to come but wanted to make the bridesmaid and her mum happy, and that was the ONLY reason we invited him. I said there were caveats to this - that she should apologise to both of us for blackmailing us, that her boyfriend would not be sitting on the top table, and that I didn't want him sitting anywhere near my two nephews, aged 2 and 4 due to his violence and drug taking. Her boyfriend was also not allowed to bring his other six children from his last 5 relationships.
Further abuse followed Sunday morning, and she's now posting abusive memes on Facebook, directed at me, trying to provoke a response from me. I've not been in contact with her since the Sunday morning.
I don't know what to do. My fiance still wants her at the wedding but I don't want either of them there now, I'm fed up with the abuse which is totally undeserved in my view. I feel like I'm being treated appallingly. My fiance has been in tears pretty much every day this last week, knowing that she's likely to lose a bridesmaid and flowergirl who is unwilling to compromise. It's all very Jeremy Kyle.
Sorry this is so long, I'm at my wits end and would greatly appreciate your thoughts.