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Feeling resentful as no present from my parents

So, got married last week and should be on cloud 9! Instead I'm feeling frustrated and, in a way, like I'm not good enough. My parents didn't pay a penny towards my wedding, i did say it wasn't fair if they did as my 2 elder sisters were not married before and probably, by the looks of things, never will in the foreseeable future! I asked them both to be bridesmaids so they could both be part of the day and I could buy them a nice dress and have their hair done etc and feel special too. 

Anyway, I was quite upset not to get a present from my parents!! Not even a drink brought for me at my wedding reception in the eve (all day drinks were paid for until the eve) I've been so independant from the age of 16, moved out at 17 and never asked for a thing! I thought they'd feel proud to have me as a daughter and want to let me know in some way! Didn't even get told I looked lovely or 'scrubbed up well' so not starting to think maybe they resent me! even if they turned around and said, let us pay for your sisters dresses or their travel but not a thing! 

 I'm just being selfish, maybe I should just concentrate on my own family now. As one thing for sure is I will never let my children feel like I do right now after their weddings!

sorry for the rant, I just don't know where else to vent 

Posts

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,441 New bride

    Seems strange that there wasn't a 'token' of some sort.

  • MrsStobe4MrsStobe4 Posts: 282

    Hmmm I would be feeling quite resentful. My parents paid the deposit for our venue as our wedding gift, that have also paid for the bridal party outfits, H2B family are contributing to the wedding also. 

    Did your relationship suffer when you moved out at such a young age or has there been difficulties that may have caused barriers between you all? Not trying to make excuses, the whole situation just seems bizarre so trying to understand it a bit more.

     

  • We didn't get anything not even a card from either parents. We are in our 40's and put it down to that..but we flew them to Italy paid for everything for them for 3 days and nothing not a thing...thry have since said how wonderful it was but nothing at the time.

    We then had a blessing 6 weeks later and still nothing.

    Sometimes I feel mean and begrudge the money we spent but they literally took the we don't need anything to the letter....

    It's okay to feel cross/upset/not worthy...5 months down the line I am over it

  • Amy466Amy466 Posts: 3

    No hard feelings, just always been independent! Got my fist job at 13 and from then paid for the things I wanted. A bit far fetched but sometimes wonder if my mum envys me in a way! She married my dad young, had kids and never had a decent job and has always relied on my dad. where as I've always had a job, never relied on anyone!? Makes me sound big headed I know but I honestly am not ha.

  • k_mack_mac Posts: 35

    I’m not normally someone who comments to disagree but resentful? I don’t understand that. IMO gifts/contributions or anything else should 100% be unexpected (parents or not, regardless of how much you’re spending) - why isn’t it enough for them to just turn up and enjoy your special day? Surely the joy (and point) of your wedding day is to marry the love of your life and have your nearest and dearest there to celebrate with you. My advice would be to just enjoy your new marriage.

  • I understand where you're coming from k_mac but personally, I'd feel hurt too. It wouldn't have killed them to buy a card or a drink... just something to show their appreciation/pride for the person they made!

    I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are OP and I completely understand where you're coming from. I don't think it's something I'd bother bringing up with them so I'd just focus on your own, new family now and try to cast it aside. 

  • Jenni8Jenni8 Posts: 3,201

    I agree with the majority of posters - I can totally see why you are feeling a little hurt as a wedding is a time that parents normally communicate how proud they are of you etc. whether that be financial, a gift, or even a letter/heartfelt conversation. 

    Unfortunately there is not much you can do to change it so take the time to digest it, then when you are ready move on and focus yourself elsewhere, such as your own family like you suggest. 

     

  • Helen225Helen225 Posts: 861 New bride

    OP, i'm in exactly the same position having got married six weeks ago and have always been lucky to have a good job etc. I even look after my Mum's finances so I know exactly how much money she has ano spends. Sometimes I feel like you and would it kill her to give us a tenner. A lot of the time I'm embarrassed and hurt, especially when friends ask what my Mum bought us. However I've started trying to think that she could be worrying about money and wanting to make sure it lasts for her (she doesn't work). I would never want her to give me something because she felt she had to and then worry for the rest of her life that she couldn't do the things she wanted to. Could it be that with your parents? 

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