Future FIL ....

Myself and h2b we’re talking about what else needs to be done now we’ve given notice, we got about suits and finding the right one for my h2b and son. I asked about my future FIL, my h2b said that his dad has complained about having to wear a suit on our wedding day! 

He said to be h2b “can’t I just wear a shirt and a tracksuit jacket” 

Myself and h2b are really annoyed by it, the one day that’s special to us and he can’t be bothered to make the effort! 

Posts

  • Unfortunately, my OH is the same way!  He much prefers to dress casual and be comfortable. He refused to wear a necktie at a nice gathering I organized for us two years ago and kept his top shirt buttons open all meal long .

    Is there a classy family member or friend that could speak to him about this?  Someone whom he would respect and listen to?

    You could also simply invite him along when your OH (and/or the other wedding party men) are shopping for their suits. I doubt he would stand on his soapbox and preach the beauty of a tracksuit in front of that audience.  A little unspoken peer pressure could go a long way.

    If he is insistent, I would have h2b calmly inform him nearer to the time that if he can't be persuaded to dress up for the occasion, his participation in family photos may be limited. As much as I would also be fuming, I wouldn't approach him on it again and again or hammer on him about it.  Sometimes the bigger of a deal we make to attempt to get someone to conform, the more they will dig in their heels...

  • Oh how annoying! Is there some agreement you can come to that still looks presentable and in keeping with the day but feels comfortable and not too formal for him? If it’s a spring/summer wedding could he maybe go for a shirt and waistcoat, or maybe trousers shirt and braces...? Or maybe some semi smart trousers and a nice shirt? Or maybe a more linen style thing could work? 

    My OH’s dad is similar but his Mum (future MIL) puts her foot down and insists ha! 

  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,136 New bride

    Things like this really irritate me about people - it’s going out of your way to be awkward. I assume he wouldn’t turn up to a court hearing in a tracksuit top, so the same rule should apply to the most important day in his son’s life, and I’m afraid I would just blunty but politely say “no, sorry dad, it’s eight hours and we want you to look smart like everyone else in the wedding photos Or you’ll stand out like a sore thumb, you can still be comfortable, I’m sure that’s not too much to ask”. Even if he takes a jacket off and is in shirt and trousers for the afternoon, he can still be comfortable in something smarter than a tracksuit top for a wedding. I would just treat it as if it was a flippant jokey comment and down the line ask when he is available to go shopping for something suitable. 

  • Laura349Laura349 Posts: 1,001 New bride

    Thanks everyone! 

    We’ve had my future in laws round tonight and my FIL asked me about the suit dilema, I was on my own - I guess he was hoping for a different answer! (He usually asks my h2b first and if he says no he’ll come and ask me hoping for a different answer - which is annoying!) 

    I just explained to him that it will be a formal occasion and everyone else will be dressed well, as it is a wedding! 

    He is a larger man, and said he is worried about finding a place to get fitted for a suit (as the only place in our town recently shut down!) Then mentored hes “not the sort of person“ to go into a jacamo store (we mentioned this store to him because he struggles to find things that fit him in usual clothes shops) 

    When explaining about the suit, he seems a little annoyed (he is a very headstrong and stubborn man!) but he said he wouldn’t let us down, so hopefully the polite words have sunk in 😊

  • Whilst I understand it can be upsetting, stressful and annoying when anyone doesn't seem to be taking your big day as seriously as you'd like or respecting your wishes, I do also think you need to remember that it is YOUR day, not theirs! 

    Some people simply don't attach the same importance to the same things, or have the same values/standards or idea of what's appropriate for a formal occasion.  Some people may not be able to afford to wear what you - and hey - would like them to, and some people may genuinely be struggling with body image and knowing how to dress/where to shop........     

    At the end of the day, the only way you can control what a person wears is to provide the outfit yourself.  Is there an option to include FIL in the wedding party and hire him a suit?

     

  • Laura349Laura349 Posts: 1,001 New bride
    Ali S 71 wrote (see post):

    Whilst I understand it can be upsetting, stressful and annoying when anyone doesn't seem to be taking your big day as seriously as you'd like or respecting your wishes, I do also think you need to remember that it is YOUR day, not theirs! 

    Some people simply don't attach the same importance to the same things, or have the same values/standards or idea of what's appropriate for a formal occasion.  Some people may not be able to afford to wear what you - and hey - would like them to, and some people may genuinely be struggling with body image and knowing how to dress/where to shop........     

    At the end of the day, the only way you can control what a person wears is to provide the outfit yourself.  Is there an option to include FIL in the wedding party and hire him a suit?

     

    He is part of the wedding party :) (my h2b wants his Dad as his best man, because of friends not being bothered! Lol) and at first he was okay with getting a suit and said he’d pay for his own. Then over the past few months he’s started to say to my h2b about not wearing a suit etc, my h2b just explained to him and said that it’s one day out of 365, and it will only be for 8 hours (ish) then he can go back to wearing his usual stuff 😊 

  • well that makes it a lot easier then - just provide the suit you want him to wear, and don't listen if he whinges about it!

  • Kelly224Kelly224 Posts: 962 New bride

    My OH's dad is of similar vein!  He never dresses up and to wear a suit is a big thing for him. 

    I would ideally like him to be in the same hire suit as OH, my dad and the best man but I'm 90% sure this won't happen but if he doesn't he'll wear a standard black suit which is fine (she says with gritted teeth!! ) hopefully I can at least get him to wear the same tie as the others!!

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