No friends for Bridesmaids......

Hi Everyone,

I am getting married in 2018 and have no close friends to ask to be Bridesmaids. 😪

I don’t have many friends full stop and those I do class as friends I hardly see or speak to anymore.

I don’t know if I am over-reacting and no one sees/speaks to their friends that often anymore, as life gets in the way, so they would still be classed as close friends by most. Or if i am in a real pickle.....

Unfortunately I don’t have a sister or an in-law one to be, no female cousins I’d ask and no male friends to take the places.

Do people sugggest I just ask my kind of ‘friends’ anyway and risk wondering why I bothered for the rest of my life when looking back or not bother having any Bridesmaids at all and risk looking like a friend-less looser?

 Thanks 

Posts

  • I'm in about the same situation. I work with all older men, I've lost touch with most of my female friends over the years, have no cousins I've ever been in contact with my whole life, etc. 

    I've "grabbed on", if you will, to two of my OH's friends' wives.  I'm working developing friendships with them and plan to see how it goes.  So far, so good.  Does your OH have any male friends who have nice wives you might befriend?  If your wedding is a ways off, you still have time to either develop brand new friendships or work on growing some of the less-strong ones you already have.

    If you opt not to have BMs, don't feel bad.  It's a huge growing trend.  BM both cost a load of money, and more often than not, contribute more to feelings of frustration and disappointment than anything else it seems.  There are far, far more threads on this forum (and elsewhere) with brides enquiring on how to deal with a difficult BM or how to fire a BM - far more threads on these topics than there will ever be on how wonderful someone's BMs were.  You won't look like a loser, you'll have more money to spend on other areas of the wedding, and you'll have complete control over the planning of your day.  Not bad things at all.

    I would not ask someone just to ask someone.  You're asking for trouble by doing that.  You can always have a casual acquaintance/ relative do a reading or something less involved than being a BM if you are determined to have others involved.  But being a BM has all kinds of connotations and expectations, and you don't want to hand that out randomly.

  • I'm kind of the same and I'm not having any adult BMs, just my teenage neice and H2B's best man's little girl.

    You don't have to have any BMs at all, and I honestly don't think anyone who matters will judge or even care.

  • MrsM2018MrsM2018 Posts: 142

    I agree with others, you shouldn't feel obliged to have bridesmaids at all. What is the size of your wedding by the way? And will your OH be having groomsmen?

    I know it's easy to say don't worry about what others will think, but your wedding should reflect you as a couple, not just be for show as you don't want to regret it, bearing in mind your wedding won't be as important to them as it is to you.  

    Two of my BMs are old friends but we lost touch over the years and don't speak everyday or even every month, but we do meet up a few times a year and do try to support each other. They haven't been the most involved BMs, but I've known them for years and know they will bring calm to our day and genuinely care. If your old friends are there when you need them, and you want BMs, why not ask them?

  • I was in the same boat as you. I don’t have any girl (or even guy) friends that I would feel comfortable in asking to be so involved in my day. Luckily, I have a sister and asked her to be my sole BM. 

    I know you said this isn’t the case for you, but do you have any brothers/ male cousins etc.? if so, you could choose one to be your ‘man of honour‘ instead. 

  • Laura349Laura349 Posts: 1,001 New bride

    I was in the same boat, but I’ve ended up asking a childhood friend (but we’ve not spoken since I asked her despite her saying she still wants to be my bridesmaid) and a Mum I know on the school run (our children get on really well and I’ve known her for a while) 

    But don’t feel bad about not having bridesmaids, my SO has decided he doesn’t want a best man - his friend that he asked hasnt bothered with him since he asked and my SO has said he’s fed up of trying with the guy, so he’s not having a best man or ushers or anything! 

  • I'm in the same situation, I get married 2019 and have no friends, no sisters, no close family members. My hubby to be does have neices and nephews that I considered asking but they're young children and I don't know whether to bother, he also has two sisters that I was going to ask but he said I can't as he doesn't want them in that role so now I'm considering having none at all and just going without, I don't think it makes you look like a loser but i do think it's a bit sad that we're in this situation :(

  • I really don't think it's odd at all! It's becoming much more common to do away with traditions and have the wedding you want, including not having bridesmaids.

    I think you need to think about why you are bothered about bridesmaids -is it because other people have them or you want them on pictures? In which case is this worth the cost and the stress of bridesmaids really? Or if you want bridesmaids to help on the day then consider what your mum/H2B/other family can do to help or whether you can hire someone from venue/caterers etc as a helping hand. 

    Really don't stress about having bridesmaids for the sake of having bridesmaids, just think why you want them and whether it's actually necessary. If you really have a dire need for them then think outside the box - plenty of people have mums or grandmas as bridesmaids these days or you can even hire bridesmaids if you want! 

  • This thread makes me so sad. I have read so many similar posts. There are so many of us who are without female friends. Finding women to make friends with is so difficult and yet there are obviously so many of us in the same position. I have moved a lot following my career and now find myself quite lonely and isolated. I have lots of acquaintances but I really miss good friends who you can spill your secrets to!  It is honestly easier to meet men /find a partner than to make female friends. I have a sister and two nieces who are my bridesmaids but my wedding is a small affair which reflects how small my life has become in the last few years, my wedding nightmare is that hardly anyone will turn up. My reply doesn't offer you any practical help but I really feel for you, you are far from alone and I wish I had an answer to finding / making friends for all of us.

  • LizzieBHLizzieBH Posts: 196
    mrsdivine wrote (see post):

    It is honestly easier to meet men /find a partner than to make female friends.

    I agree; it's weird! 

    My best friend is male, and while I have a few female friends, I'm not especially close to any in particular. For that and other reasons – it's a small-ish wedding anyway, and H2B doesn't want to have groomsmen – I've decided not to have bridesmaids.

    I don't think that's weird at all, and I've no idea why people would feel compelled to – or even worse, to beat themselves up over being unable to. If you're not a 'gaggle of giggling girls' kind of person, then why would you be one for your wedding?!?

  • Of the last three weddings I attended two had zero bridesmaids and the other only had one. It's a totally acceptable thing now to do away with the bridesmaids aspect as its so expensive for dresses and hair and make up and presents etc. I'm only having one bridesmaid but did think about not having any either.

    I think its so much harder to make friends as an adult (especially if you move around) than it was when you were a kid. As a child there are so many options to make friends, but as an adult? It's really difficult if you're not a natural joiner of things (i.e. don't play team sports, don't like joining clubs or groups relevant to your interests etc) and you don't get on super well with your work colleagues. It's also harder to keep friends as an adult because as you get older you have less and less time (or inclination) to go out and play lol.

    There are so many posts on here from people in your exact situation and I really wouldn't worry about the lack of bridesmaids. They aren't an essential part of your day by any means and you definitely won't look odd if you decide not to have them.

  • Wibs77Wibs77 Posts: 414

    I have quite a few friends but I chose not to have any bridesmaids.  One friend organised my hen and did a reading.  My sister in law and a friend were witnesses. We had one best man and no groomsmen. No one said anything at all.

    I do realise sometimes the only reason I have quite a few friends is because of the effort I make.  I whatsapp them all weekly, arrange the birthdays/meetups etc.  Its hard work but equally I realise that some people are not naturally good at staying in touch with people.  My friends are spread out geographically too so I don't see them that often.  I had friends from Ireland, Somerset and Liverpool that I have met over the years via my horse or sport.  I work mainly with men so not many have been via work and I have very little family.

  • mrsdivine wrote (see post):

    This thread makes me so sad. I have read so many similar posts. There are so many of us who are without female friends. Finding women to make friends with is so difficult and yet there are obviously so many of us in the same position. I have moved a lot following my career and now find myself quite lonely and isolated. I have lots of acquaintances but I really miss good friends who you can spill your secrets to!  It is honestly easier to meet men /find a partner than to make female friends.

    I could have written your post myself.  I moved for my job and for the men I was with too.  It's odd how moving a lot can cause you to lose friendships and make it really hard to make them. With my industry being male-dominated and me being childless, making female friends (ie other moms at school or GFs from work) has proven nearly impossible.  

    If it weren't for the two wives of my OHs close friends, I'd have none at all. 

    It is a sad thread.  BUT I also strongly feel that the "Gaggle of Giggling Girls" and "Bride Tribe" crap that we are fed in magazines, at fayres, on social media, and in movies is just that: a bunch of crap.  NO ONE I know has five gorgeous, dedicated, available, smiley female friends just dying to be their BMs either!

  • Cat93Cat93 Posts: 109 New bride

    I'll do rent a bridesmaid!!! It'll cost you a good meal and a nice bridesmaid dress I'm a good laugh and will speak to anyone about anything!!! 

  • I went through the same situation! But sometimes no bridesmaids seems easier than the stresses that some bridesmaids cause! 

    I would totally be your bridesmaid! I can 100% empathise my dear! 

    Hope you solve your problem soon, and don't let it stress you out too much! :) 

  • I dont have any bridesmaids either. I did have a few friends I asked but because of the location they slowly dropped out one after the other.

    My partners aunt may do it if she is coming and my future mil offered to be matron of honour. It nice to know that the family are there to help out but im upset that none of my friends made the effort, however it is a lot less stress not having any after seeing what happened with my h2b sister when she got married and one of the bridesmaids was being extremely difficult.

     

  • Annie40Annie40 Posts: 63

    You don't have to have bridesmaids! We're not having bridesmaids or groomsmen, pretty much for similar reasons. He doesn't have any friends any more, due to a massive falling out a few years ago (when they were clearly in the wrong and tried to get him involved in the middle - so he just left both sides to it), and I just don't make friends easily. My family aren't invited to the wedding so that discounts my sisters, and I only have one very good female friend. She is I suppose technically my maid of honour, but because I'm not having bridesmaids she never even kicked up about it - she's still massively pitching in and helping out and listening to my wedding planning rants! She's a true friend, and I feel she will have significant status at the wedding because it's clear she is the only person on my side that I've CHOSEN to be at our small wedding. She is, as far as I'm concerned, my sister, and it'll be clear to anyone there that she's special. I did buy her dress, as a thank-you for her help, but it was very inexpensive and she chose it - no rules from me!

    I have sisters in law and he could ask his brothers or brother in law, but with it being such a small wedding there seemed little point. 

    The sad thing is that, very early on, we decided on no bridal party. I said this to two "friends" that I also work with. They ghosted me, and I have to see them every day. They were upset they weren't getting a special part in my wedding, but not once did they ask what type of wedding I wanted. They instantly started asking me what dresses I was going to have them wear! 

    So if you feel you aren't close enough to ask someone to be your bridesmaid, there's no shame in having none! It'll also slash your wedding budget by a huge chunk.  :)

  • I know what you mean I went to university then came back to my home town. 

    I don't really have any friends. I lost touch with ones at uni. I don't know who to ask.

    I think I'll have no bridesmaid which is hard for me. 

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