Falling out with Dad over wedding
Hi all, sorry for the long message, just after a bit of perspective on a falling out with my Dad over my forthcoming wedding.
He initially offered to pay and wouldn't hear of my fiance's parents contributing at all, as he would find it embarrassing. My fiance and I are really low key as people and want a relaxed wedding. We're obviously incredibly excited but want a day which feels personal and intimate, and we're both pretty adament that it shouldn't be expensive, formal or traditional, as that just doesn't feel right for us.
Problems began shortly after we got engaged but have escalated dramatically over the past week, to the point where my Dad is now refusing to pay for anything because we want to do the reception in a pub or restaurant, and he thinks this is 'chavvy' and nothing special. He's said that no one will come if we do that and that I 'clearly didn't care and shouldn't bother getting married'. Yesterday he started saying that he will also refuse to pay if I don't get a prenuptial agreement. He's made various references to the fact that this is our 'first' wedding, which my fiance finds hurtful too. He has also threatened to not attend because I don't want to be walked down the aisle - my fiance is Scandinavian and tradition there is that the bride and groom walk the aisle together. This also feels much better to me, as the tradition of being 'given away' by your father doesn't sit well with me at all. I've said that I would like him to be involved in some other way, by giving a reading for example, but it isn't enough.
We can afford to pay for most of the wedding ourselves, and my fiance's parents have offered to fill the gap, so it's not really a matter of actually having to do anything my Dad wants. I just don't want to hurt him and I don't want a big falling out over it, but equally really resent the stress and negativity that he's bringing in to such an exciting and happy time, and don't want to be forced into having the wedding which neither I nor my fiance want.
Does anyone have any thoughts or perspective on this? I can't get it off of my mind.