Forum home Emotional support

Bridesmaid refusing to wear certain colours

Quick question, are you paying for the BM’s dresses?

If you are, it’s not down to her to dictate the colour scheme of your Wedding. Obviously you want your BM’s to feel comfortable and nice on the day but all this fuss over a colour is a little bit silly. If she continues to be demanding and difficult i’d just say to her that the colour scheme for the entire Wedding is blush and therefore the dresses need to fit with this. If she doesn’t want to agree to this then she can’t be a BM but that will be down to her. 

Jx

Posts

  • Amy491Amy491 Posts: 58

    I agree, if she’s expecting you to decide your colour scheme based around her I’d ask her to step down.

  • AmyrosieAmyrosie Posts: 134 New bride

    I think it boils down to who is paying for the dresses. If you’re expecting the bridedmaid to contribute, then you need to respect their preference be it on colour, style etc. That said, if you’re buying the dresses, its quite unreasonable for you bridesmaid to dictate the colour. 

    It’s your day, and if you’re buying the dresses I’d say go for the colour you want. If the other bridesmaids are happy with your choice hopefully the ‘difficult‘ bridesmaid will come round. 

  • Julia101Julia101 Posts: 162 New bride

    That does sound like she's being terribly unreasonable 😮 blush pink isn't exactly a controversial colour.. is she family or a friend?  Any reason you can think of why she might be obstructive?  It might be difficult to knock her off the bridesmaid list but I'd be tempted to put your foot down and say if she's that uncomfortable just come as a guest and wear whatever she wants... I'd worry that if she's this bad now what else might she refuse to do/fuss unnecessarily over further down the line. Good luck x 

  • I agree with the above poster. However, would it make a difference if she was paying for the dress? You still have a colour scheme, which the bridesmaid dresses need to fit with. I would say if they are paying for the dress they would have more of a say of style, but not the colour. Tell her she has two options : 1) wear the colour you want her to, or 2) step down as a maid.

    If it makes you feel better, my moh (my sister and my only maid), is being awkward too. Every dress I’ve sent her a picture of, she said she doesn’t like. She sent me a dress earlier which was double what I wanted to pay. When I told her it was out of budget, her only response was ‘fine’. I explained that I am already paying for her hair and makeup and accommodation which is £150 for the night for her and her partner (who she doesn’t even live with, which I haven’t event got a thanks from either of them). 

    Sorry, rant over! 😂😂

  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,136 New bride

    I’d at least ask her to make some suggestions rather than outright say no which is never helpful. Also “blue“ or “pinky” could mean anything on a huge spectrum of colour from light to dark with different undertones so it’s a bit ridiculous to rule out three whole colours which also happen to be quite popular wedding choices. Surely she can’t hate herself in every shade of those three colours - in which case maybe she could wear a darker or lighter shade - mismatch bridesmaids are quite popular and can look lovely & maybe some of your other girls would prefer a certain shade of your chosen colour too so it would be nice to reward them with the choice if you do end up catering a bit for Ms Difficult.

    I wore dusky pink for my friend’s wedding - not a colour I love nor look great in nor would choose but it was her day, her money, her choice. It’s one day and bar a few photos I’ve chosen to keep its something pretty much completely forgotten about!

    If it was just one colour she really didn’t like because it clashed with her skin or hair or something I’d be more understanding but to rule out three entire colours without good reason, without even trying them on or suggestimy alternatives is just acting like a bit of a brat really. If she really won’t budge at all then I’d find the dresses you like and tell her the choice is hers and that if she would be more comfortable as a guest who can choose her own outfit then you’ll understand. I also think if you let her get her own way and dictate now then you’ll need to expect it won’t be the last time and might have similar issues over hair, makeup, accessories etc. If uniformity is a big thing for you then bear it in mind!

  • TiaMariaTiaMaria Posts: 120

    Urgh this is annoying, i can't understand why people are like this. When I was a bridesmaid a few years ago my friend had her heart set on nude/blush pink, and despite the fact I look horrendous/deathly in those colours I would've worn it. Thankfully she changed her mind about the colour (after the woman in the dress shop told her how dreadful I looked) but I ended up in a dress that I really didn't like. The point is for your friend/sister, you suck it up and you wear (within reason) what the bride wants and have a fab day. It's one day and wearing a dress that you maybe wouldn't have picked for yourself is really not a big deal! Hope you get it sorted but don't let it upset you. X

  • shanmia35shanmia35 Posts: 65

    If she’s a good friend, you can tell her it’s your dress choice or no dress! Seriously, it’s one day, it’s your day and you’re not asking her to walk down the aisle in a bikini!

    Stick to your guns and create the wedding you and your partner want! 

  • SpacepuffinSpacepuffin Posts: 664 New bride

    She needs to pull herself together. Your day, your way. You're lovely to consider her opinion - it's more than many would do. Stressing about her dress is not a problem you need - she's not being supportive. X

  • AwhelenqtAwhelenqt Posts: 856 New bride

    My maid of honour won't wear yellow like my other bridesmaids but I'm in a different situation to you - she's paying for her dress so I've asked her what colour she wants to wear and we've settled on gold. For me, being someone who is super self conscious about their looks/body, people being comfortable and confident in what they're wearing for the day is far more important to me than my colour scheme. Like if I was someone's bridesmaid and I had to wear something I felt ugly in I'd really struggle with it and it'd be a huge set back for me. But I have mental health issues so it's totally different!

    If you're paying for the dress then you definitely have more of a say and I do get why this situation is so hard because I'm also a perfectionist - maybe have an open conversation about colours she'd like to wear and see if you can come up with a compromise? Like maybe a couple bridesmaids wear her colour and a couple wear the pink ones?

    Hope it all works out for you and sending hugs!

  • Libby13Libby13 Posts: 244 New bride

    If you're paying for the dress then it's up to you, if she is causing that much fuss I'd talk to her and explain that it is the colour you want to go for, and if she is that unhappy she should step down

    i did make sure my bridesmaids were comfortable in the dresses I chose, and made sure they liked them. But I did choose the colour. I had my heart set on blush pink despite the fact my BM's are extremely pale and it kinda blends into their skin! But they both went with my colour choice 

  • JdotJJdotJ Posts: 196 New bride

    I mean I’m ive been a BM sooo many times (I’m honestly like the girl from 27 dresses) and I think I’ve hated the majority of dresses I’ve been made to wear, but I’ve not said a word and just shut up and put them on! I’m very pale with red hair and the last BM dress was a blush/champagne colour, probably one of the worst for my skin tone and it completely washed me out, but I just got on with it. It’s one day, she needs to just get over it to be honest. 

    Jx

  • Ali's goneAli's gone Posts: 544 New bride

    Your wedding, your choice.  End of.

    If she cares about you she'll shut up and wear the dress you choose and pay for..... and if she doesn't then she shouldn't be a bridesmaid.  I honestly do think its that simple.

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride

    I could understand maybe a bridesmaid objecting to a certain style, and listening to their worries and finding a flattering style for them, but I think her refusing to wear a certain colour is a bit ridiculous. Most brides will have a colour in mind but will try and find the right style for their girls, regardless of who pays. 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    Style I understand. Even paying for the dresses I took their opinions on style on board. But colour is ridiculous, especially when it's such a common wedding colour. It's not like they are canary yellow with green stripes! I'd say that's the colour, either wear it or step down 

  • Yep! Having the exact same thing currently - 3 super supportive bridesmaids that will wear anything I choose, 1 being extremely difficult and saying she doesn't suit anything but red (which I am definitely not having!). ARGH! Have sent her a message now saying that its a shame if she doesn't like the silvery grey dresses I've chosen but I do understand if she'd prefer to come in a red dress and therefore not be a bridesmaid... lets see what she says! Good luck with ur situation, nice to know we are not alone! x

Sign In or Register to comment.