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Family issues -

Basically I don't want my cousin,her 2 kids or her partner at our wedding. Ever since we were little children she's got me in trouble a few times and have almost tore my family apart (something major happended and my mum said to my dad "are you going to choose your own daughter or your niece" he chose to stick with her) . 

We got on together for a year or so before my uncle (not her dad, my other uncle) pulled a damn right stupid prank on me. He thought it would be clever to hide a huge bladed sharp steak knife in my work bag and placed it in the front pocket . I opened the pocket in front of a cashier as I was paying for my work lunch and luckily she didn't see it but I almost cut myself plus I work with Children so I've had to carry this knife to work . 

A family member also worked in the same place as me and when I confided in her and showed her the knife she was in shock that someone had the mentality to do that and told me I could be in serious trouble if my managers knew about it. She agreed that I was right to get mad or upset. 

 

I was obviously angry as I could have been noticed and accused of carrying a weapon. I wasn't told it was in my bag. Apparently they forgot to tell me.... They had all evening and all morning . 

 

There was massive fight between me and my whole family as my family ignored my feelings and couldn't understand why i was mad. I was told by all my family I was being silly and selfish but when I spoke to friends about what happended they said I had every right to be mad. 

So my Cousin who's living in France and have been at the time  had a go at me saying i was calling my own family out and got into a massive argument with her .  Then her partner threatened my partner saying he'd break my partners legs. My cousin wrote some really nasty stuff about me and my partner and so me partner retaliated - he said some things that were so out of order to her and I was upset and mad at him for saying what he did .

So I do not want her at the wedding. I don't want there to be any conflict between me and her or my fiance and her partner and I also don't want her to cause any trouble. 

My fiance has asked that I do not invite her because he doesn't want me to get stressed and anxious that anything will happen and spoil my day as well as his. 

Now the thing is , my nan said she will not come if I don't invite my cousin. Which is fine but then I'm faced to deal with if my nan isn't going , my uncle (the one who planted the knife in my bag) and his family won't come . My fiance won't go to any family occasion if he's there but has allowed him to go to the wedding as he knows his daughters (my younger cousins) mean a lot to me and shouldn't be left out because of what happened between their dad and us. 

I'm so scared that things will kick off once I say that my cousin will not be going. 

To make matters worse her mum is moving over to France to live with her and I get on with her a little but I know as well she wouldn't come if my cousin doesn't go. 

It doesn't matter to me , just I know there would be arguments left right and centre about our choices and that it'll be so much stress for us and I'd end up feeling guilty about this whole thing when i shouldn't.

 

Am I in the right? Am I being silly or selfish?

Posts

  • SpacepuffinSpacepuffin Posts: 664 New bride

    Don't invite her. Don't let them bully you. Your uncle sounds moronic and your cousin; an attention-seeking, drama diva. Forget them. It's your wedding. X

  • Mila-rose3Mila-rose3 Posts: 264 New bride

    I personal think it would be a blessing in disguise if you don't invite her, as it would also chop off people who in my opinion aren't people i would want at my wedding. I mean someone who plants a knife in a childcare workers bag, could of ruined your career in seconds and given you a criminal record. I definitely wouldnt be entertaining someone who thinks that little of you

  • Thank you guys! It's almost been a year since the incident happened actually and I've not stopped feeling anxious about my own feelings and if they were valid and it only got worse when my partner proposed.

     

    It's so comforting to hear those things ... and for people to actually understand my worries with the fear of losing my job. 

     

    I'm sending every one else invites so its up to them if they wanna go or not  

  • Oh you poor thing ! my opinion is you are better off without family like that, too much drama and upset.  Be strong and rise above any fall out from the invitations once received. 

    It's your day, please don't feel guilty.  That 'prank' could have cost you your job and given you a criminal record!

    Move on, not all families get along forever sometimes we just have to let go, you are making your own new family, new memories focus on that.

    x :)

  • JMB2019JMB2019 Posts: 74 New bride

    I wouldn't invite them and if that's how they act ur better off without! U have a new family now ur husbands 

  • Wow, I'm sorry you have some very difficult family members! (but don't we all ).

    You can go about it one of two ways:

    -Invite those who have wronged you.  Use your wedding as a chance to let bygones be bygones and attempt to start fresh. These people may not chose to attend anyway, and then at least you can say you tried!

    -Don't invite them and chose to enjoy your wedding with those you are already close to. Consider that they will likely take this as the "final insult" and this may be the last you see/hear from them for a very long time (which may be a blessing).

    Whatever you decide, make sure your partner is in complete agreement. He was part of one of the arguments that got ugly, so his input is definitely warranted despite it being your family.

    Good luck with whatever you decide!

  • I tried cutting them out completely a few months ago just after this incident happended and after we moved in. I didn't want to attend any family events for a very long time and hurt my family in the process and caused a massive rift between me & my family. I tried before to block them out but i was made to feel the bad one so now i go to keep the peace. Its hard when my own family doesn't understand how i feel - and to be made out to be the bad person when I wanted nothing to do with them. 

    I got accused of deserting and abandoning my mum and dad though it had nothing to do with them. 

     

    Its tough when no matter what decision i chose, it's going to be the wrong one some where.

    It never was an issue up until now where i'm thinking about my past and considering my future. 

  • Barbie3Barbie3 Posts: 340 New bride
    alternativemaiden wrote (see post):

    Its tough when no matter what decision i chose, it's going to be the wrong one some where. 

    If whatever decision you make is going to piss people off I think you should just do the one that make's you and hubby2B happiest

  • Julia82Julia82 Posts: 123

    It just a quickly query but do you not want there or do you not want her there because your fiancé does not want her there? 

    Both are possibly valid but I can’t help but wonder if you are under a bit of pressure on this.

    Just be sure you are doing what you want and then go with it! If others don’t come because of it then they are not the sort of people you want there. It will act as a good filter to see who actually cares! 

    Good luck. Once you decide just stick to your guns and focus on enjoying it. Any drama can happen around you, you need not get involved. 

  • Your family sound awful!  If I was you I would be hoping that none of them turn up.  They all sound about 12.

    If your gran really won't come if your cousin is not invited then frankly she sounds awful too.

    Time to make your own family now sweetheart.  Starting with you and your FI. 

  • Julia82 wrote (see post):

    It just a quickly query but do you not want there or do you not want her there because your fiancé does not want her there? 

    Both are possibly valid but I can’t help but wonder if you are under a bit of pressure on this.

    Just be sure you are doing what you want and then go with it! If others don’t come because of it then they are not the sort of people you want there. It will act as a good filter to see who actually cares! 

    Good luck. Once you decide just stick to your guns and focus on enjoying it. Any drama can happen around you, you need not get involved. 

    I don't want her there  I've always had trouble with her even as young kids. Part of me wanted to invited her for me to put up a front and "keep the peace" because that's just me, like I'd rather fake it to lessen trouble but then I fear shed ruin the day or make it about herself or do something awful. And I respect and understand fully about why my H2B doesn't want her there so I'm following that. 

     

     

  • Julia82Julia82 Posts: 123

    Good for you! Then you should go with what you want and don't have her there! It seems like are all being ridiculous so I would let them get on with it away from you and your day! I hope you can enjoy the planning and don't let them bother you. 

    Jxx

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