Sister as bridesmaid....

Ok so I have 4 sisters (3 half sisters, 1 full sister). We are not a close family - I see them at family gatherings every now and then for birthdays and Christmas but other than that we pretty much have limited contact. When we were growing up my 3 older sisters were always a bit mean to me and there's always been a bit of a divide between us. We are all very different, there are big age gaps and I just don't have anything in common with them.

I got engaged in May and asked 3 of my friends, my SIL to be (who in 5 years has been more of a sister to me than any of them) and my 8 y/o niece to be my bridesmaids.  When one of my sisters found out she was really put out by it and said that at least 1 sister should be asked. I literally never hear from them, not even a text asking how I am, they have no interest in my wedding whatsoever so it never even occurred to me to ask them.  Also, my younger sister got married and I wasn't a bridesmaid because she said I was 'too pretty' and would make her look bad.  That was honestly the reason she gave me - which is ridiculous and absolutely not true! One of my other sisters didn't even say congratulations after I got engaged...

Anyway, now I am feeling bad because I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings but also a bit baffled as to why I should feel guilt tripped into asking one of them - plus I already have 5 bridesmaids!?

I should add that I was actually bridesmaid for one of my half sisters but in her words 'I'm asking you because you know how to throw a good hen party' - have barely heard from her since that hen party!!

I guess I'm just after an outsiders point of view as to whether I'm being selfish by not asking one of them or if I should stick to my guns? xx 

 

 

Posts

  • I can understand they’re put out because you’ve asked your SIL to be and not one of them but it doesn’t sound like they deserve to be asked. Stick to your guns and if you’re worried about upsetting them maybe give them some other role so they feel more involved in the day X

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    I am having my sister as my MOH, we arnt that close as we are quite different people and live hundreds of miles away from each other but we also know that we are always there if the other needs us.

    In your situation I wouldn't be having them and to be it would be worse to have 1 and not the others as youre singling one out as 'better' almost. I think you should do all or none and none is the better option here.

    Stick to your guns!

  • MrsJamesMrsJames Posts: 406 New bride

    I wouldn't single out 1 sister to be bridesmaid as that is likely to cause more arguments than not having any of them. 

    It doesn't sound to me like you are close enough to warrant any of them being a bridesmaid either, stick to your guns. 5 Bridesmaids is plenty! 

  • Its your Wedding Day so personally I would say its completely your choice on who you want to be your bridesmaids.
    Just because they are your sisters it doesn't mean they have to be a bridesmaid and especially where you don't feel close to them.

    Stick to your guns and don't feel guilty by doing this. x

  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,311 New bride

    I'd probably point out you didn't feel you could ask one without asking all. Could you ask them to do something else, a reading perhaps, hand out the order of service etc? 

    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • I'm in complete agreement with Gin&Bling - using the "I couldn't ask only one, so I've gone with none" excuse, which isn't really an excuse at all - it's true! You'd likely cause a much larger family row by asking only one lady, and you've seriously already got enough BMs made up of the people that you are close to.

    I'm ordinarily all about keeping family peace and "who cares, let another girl wear the stupid dress." But in your case, I would definitely stick with the wedding party you've already chosen.

  • Thanks all, you've helped put my mind to rest :) xx

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