Not happy and I don’t know why....

This is going to be a downer of a post so i apologise in advance but I honestly don’t know what to do.

I honestly don’t know what is wrong with me lately. I’m just not happy. 

I’m struggling without my MOH being around at the moment. She’s having a tough time and has taken a step back from me and the wedding so she can sort herself out.

The diet is not happening, only lost 2.5lb, and I am eating everything in sight and I am crying at the drop of a hat at literally everything which is making me eat more and more.

I am stressing over my illusion back dress because I have saggy boobs round my waist and no way can I get a backless bra and I have love handles which absolutely disgust me. I want to look beautiful on my wedding day and not a fat lump!

I’m now not having a hen party because my mum has left it so late that everyone has had their work shifts done already for June and can’t get time off. Plus with my MOH out of action too my October hen is up in the air! 

I absolutely want to get married no doubt about it but I just cannot cope with planning a wedding anymore, it’s turning me into someone I’m not. Jealous, overbearing, envious of other brides and their weddings. I just want to run away.

I don’t have many true friends around me to talk to. 

Posts

  • MrsGtoBMrsGtoB Posts: 712 New bride

    Firstly you have lost 2.5lbs not gained so the scales are going the right way (unlike mine haha!).  Cut yourself some slack enjoy Easter and get back on it next week.

     

    I hear you over the saggy tits, mine could be tied in a bow ;-) But your dress will be fitted to you so well they'll be held right up and pert (that's what my dress shop assured me so I'm running with it...) Are you having cups fitted into it? They also said you can have bits that pull you in like support knickers?

    Could you organise your own hen, I'm doing mine because I'm just a control freak and don't have any older bridesmaids to do it.  It hasn't been that bad too be honest.

     

    Break it all down in to small parts and focus on one thing at a time.  There are plenty of us here to chat to and run through ideas with xx

     

     

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride

    Oh I’m so sorry you’re feeling down! Take a step back and remind yourself that planning a wedding is one of the most stressful life events there is! So actually, it’s totally normal and understandable. Give yourself a break and don’t be too hard on yourself. 

    I would just take this time to do the little nice things for yourself - run a bath and light some candles, start reading a new book, take yourself off to a coffee shop and just people watch for a bit, go get your nails done. Easier said than done, I know, but doing these little things might just help you breathe. As others have said, take things in little chunks too and make it manageable. 

    can you organise a hen yourself? Just pick a Sunday when most people won’t be at work and plan an awesome day? Or just take two or three close friends off to a spa. My best friend’s hen was just me and her at a spa all day and it was amazing! 

    Good luck and I hope you feel better soon xxx

  • britbirdbritbird Posts: 1,486 New bride

    Sorry to hear this MrsH2B.  This wedding planning lark isn't as fun as everyone makes out, and it is easy to get down at times.  I think the others have already given some great advice.  What about even having 2 smaller hens, and doing something cool- it doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive, just a nice meal, or a few drinks.  

    Definitely like the idea of spending some time on you, and focusing on your wellbeing too

     

     

  • I have followed a few of your threads about wedding dresses etc. and wanted to say that I think your dresses (both the first and second) are lovely and you look lovely in them. However, I question weather they are the right shape for you, (not because they don’t look go - they do! - but because you seem to be feeling more negative than positive about your choices). If you’re concerned with weight (and ’lovehandles that disgust’ you), maybe a less fitted shape will make you feel more comfortable? As I’ve said, the dress looks lovely on you and it’s such a lovely design, so it’s wrorrying that you aren’t as confident as you should be is such a wonderful dress. It would be such a shame for you to be feeling like this in the day, worrying about them unnecessarily. I hope that this comes across in the way I intended it to, I want to offer my honest advice because it’s such a shame someone who has worked so hard to achieve her dream wedding is feeling so negative about it all. As others have suggested, maybe some much needed ‘you time’ is required so you can get to a more positive place. 

    Much love,

    Em. 

  • Georgina74Georgina74 Posts: 299 New bride

    Hi MrsHowgate2B I'm really sorry you're feeling down, I'm rubbish with advice in real life and online so I just want to say I echo what the others have said already... regarding weight loss, I'm finding it really difficult too and I'm starting to panic, we just need to take it slowly, week by week rather than seeing it as an ultimate goal of x lbs.

    I saw your new dress on your thread and its stunning! Please don't worry about the dress- you'll look amazing on the day.

    In regards to the wedding planning altering your personality- I completely understand! I am and have always been the most laid back person I've ever known- I've honestly never felt stress, throughout uni, work.. i just never let anything bother me... but the wedding has taken over and I'm finding myself caring deeply about the most trivial things!

    I don't know how close you are to the wedding now but it may be worth taking a week or so out, stop thinking about it completely, maybe stop using this site for a week or so just to have a complete break from all things wedding, when you come back to it, you may have a perspective that you just can't see right now.

  • MrsPB2019MrsPB2019 Posts: 827 New bride

    I don’t know if this will help but I have lost a decent amount of weight BUT I still look in the mirror and criticise my bingo wings and my thunder thighs. My point being we’re all our own worst enemy. I follow the body positivity community and try and practice self love but it is hard work. Maybe it’s something worth looking into and seeing if it helps.

  • Julia82Julia82 Posts: 123

    Firstly can I just say there is no law that states you have to loose weight for your wedding! You should look like the you that your fiancé loves - the best version of that - but not some never before or never again seen, teeny tiny version. This pressure on brides to loose weight is ridiculous. I understand wanting to loose a bit - I will do my bit too, but realistically I will still have love handles and a fat arse and bingo wings.That, I am afraid, is me. And I am not super happy about it but also I am alive and well and happy and loved so - it’s a minor detail. 

    AND you have lost weight! Well done! Does the hen have to be June? Can’t you arrange a simple night out one night between now and the wedding? It doesn’t have to be all singing all dancing and not everyone has to come - but do something and just enjoy it! I don’t even have a MOH. I wouldn’t worry about it. 

    It is easy to say, but you can choose to get wound up or you can choose to relax and enjoy it! There are worse things in life that can happen to you than planning a wedding. So screw everyone else and their perfect lives because I promise we all have our cross to bear and if you scratch the surface nothing is ever what it seems. And remember for every bride out there thinner than you - there is also one fatter than you! 

    Good luck! Jxx

     

  • Mila-rose3Mila-rose3 Posts: 264 New bride

    I totally agree with the others. Your fiance loves you for YOU, you will look every bit amazing in his eyes because your the person he loves. Who says you have to be a size 0 to be a bride, I've also seen your pictures previously and you look amazing. From someone who battles daily with scales and has been everything from a size 4 and up please don't feel like you need to conform, I was so miserable as a tiny size 4 and still felt fat. i think as woman we are never happy and always feel judged

    As for the Hen i wouldnt let it affect you. I am also not having one. My sister (MOH) spent weeks texting, emailing my friends and everyone was so disorganised, didnt reply, i suppose this is the joys of being an adult. She was reduced to tears a few times and i told her to forget about it. Is it really important if it is making you so unhappy x x

     

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