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Realised I have no real friends

I have only been engaged a week, but gradually as we told people, the realisation set in that I don't acractually rea have any close friends. 

I was always undecided in if I would have a bridal party, but now thinking about it fills me with dread. The only few close to me, I find myself always checking what I can tell yhem, and feeling disheartened by their behaviour towards me. 

I would love to elope but it just isn't an option. We have ages to go, I just wish I could get excited about it all, but I just feel gutted that I'm on my own.

Posts

  • wed172Bwed172B Posts: 1,258

    Just remember your not on your own - you are marrying your best friend / partner and that is the most important thing.

    I had step daughter and nieces all under 16 as my bridal party so no girlies around me in the morning etc and i didn't mind at all. I know everyone is different but my groom was quite involved in the planning and we did alot of it together so although i do have a couple of close friends i didnt feel like i missed out on not having them as bm's or part of planning etc.

    Don't get bogged down with worrying about what you 'should' have - and maybe this will encourage you to reach out to your friends or make new ones - or even just realise your actually quite happy with how you are :)

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,516 New bride
    Thank you wed172B , i know youre right. i think i just feel a bit sad becuase ive been the MOH for 2 friends, one of which i have drifted from, and the other is just very selfish, to the point where after i told her of the engagement, she started saying i had to plan something for her birthday. 
    I have a lovely sister, and SILTB, so it will be lovely to have them around, and youre right, at the end of the day all that matters is the end result with the other half :) thank you 

     

  • Desert-brideDesert-bride Posts: 226 New bride

    Can I ask why eloping isn’t an option? If it’s something you and other half want to do - do it! Have an adventure and just enjoy yoir day with your husband!

    I’m a flag waver for eloping and doing exactly what you want with your wedding day. Don’t let the traditions or family members tell you what you should be doing 😀

    There is nothing wrong with feeling not excited about wedding planning - all brides have moments of not caring about their wedding. It’s normal. You don’t even have to have a bridal party if you don’t want one! Enjoy being engaged and I’m almost certain your friends will get with the program - its hard when everyone has their own life’s too.

  • CFWCFW Posts: 234

    Aw i'm sorry you are feeling this way and it has put a dampener on the excitement for you. There is so much pressure across social media to have your life a certain way, between the articles on 'bride squads' full of lots of girls to expensive, unattainable wedding settings, it makes you feel inadequate if you don't have a wedding that matches these 'desired' scenarios. The fact you have a lovely sister, a partner that clearly loves you very much and also a FSIL to be close with is amazing and i'm sure they'll be there for you. Just remember sometimes these visions of having big groups of bridesmaids etc can be actually be real-life nightmares - just look at all the bridesmaid issues you see on this forum! Enjoy the people in your life that love and appreciate you most and you will still have the wedding you always dreamed of. 

  • KittyFiennesKittyFiennes Posts: 975 New bride

    There's actually a thread on here entitled "Friends" started a few weeks back for those of us who have the same situation.  There are actually loads of us, myself included.

    CFW is right, social media and movies portray the bride with this "squad" of beautiful, happy girls fawning over the bride during the planning process and on the big day; reality is rarely such, not because we aren't deserving of this experience, but because life is a lot more complicated than in the days of Elizabeth Taylor and "Father of the Bride." Women relocate for uni, relocate for their career, have children before marriage, get divorced and remarried, get remarried again, marry men in the military, and so on...all which strain friendships.  Slowly and quietly, our friends "disappear."

    Your wedding day won't be any less beautiful or special because you don't have five ladies dressed like clones pretending to laugh with you in pics when the 'tog tells them to. Your wedding will be beautiful and special because of the effort you put into it to make it personal and because of the love you have for your OH. Enjoy the planning and the big day for these reasons because these are the reasons that count.

  • KelllieKelllie Posts: 78 New bride

    I am sorry you are feeling this way,

    I am in a similar position, I only have one best friend so i will have a tiny bridal party.  Even my h2b doesnt really have friends so my 6 year old son is his best man

    You still have lots of time so hopefully they will come round in the end

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  • Elz2017Elz2017 Posts: 316

    All good advice above! And don't worry if people haven't reacted in the way you thought they might - I think we all get a bit surprised when our friends/acquaintances aren't super excited, but it seems to be pretty normal (my parents were totally blase about it - I was quite shocked, then got over myself... Other people who I wouldn't have thought would be bothered are stupidly excited)

    You don't need a wedding party, if you don't want bridesmaids don't have them, easy. And keeps costs/stress down..  I'm not having any, just didn't see the point (which makes me sound well grumpy, but it didn't suit me so I didn't do it - always a useful mantra for a wedding...)

    As KittyFiennes says above, we all shed friends for various reasons - involve the people you love, and don't worry about the rest. 

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