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How do we say no to wedding contributions?

When me and my fiance first got engaged we sat down with our families who expressed they wanted to contribute to our weddings. This was absolutely fine we were glad to accept this generous contribution and involve them in aspects of our wedding planning.

Over the last 7 months my relationship with my Future FIL has gone from bad to worse, he seems to think that because they are paying for certain parts of the wedding they will choose what we have and in particular can tell me that I am not allowed to come along or contact suppliers.

We would not have said yes to the contribution had we known it came with these (in my opinion, really unfair) stipulations. After a recent conversation about it he got very stressed and now won't speak to me in particular so we think it is best to say thank you but no thank you to the contribution but how do we now say no?

Help please xxx




  • Im not sure what to suggest here but I think I would ask my OH to speak to the parents.

    What sort of things are the taking over with? Is it something your OH could maybe say you had changed your mind about?

    I know its hard you want to tell them to stick it but without causing a drama!

    Why do in laws have to be so difficult?



  • Barbie3Barbie3 Posts: 340 New bride

    I think u just have 2 say thanks but no thanks!  Try 2 keep it simple n matter of fact 2 avoid arguments...

    'Its kind of u to offer to help, thank you, but we are going 2 handle the planning and pay 4 everything ourselves'

  • RubyCatRubyCat Posts: 272 New bride

    I think you just say we've decided to plan and host the wedding ourselves to avoid any arguments. We feel this would be the simplest way to do it and we don't want the two families falling out.

  • Wow. I get the old saying "no pay, no say" but he's taking that to the extreme.

    Personally, I'd send him a message (given that he doesn't want to speak to you) and say something along the lines of, "Thanks so much for your kind offer of a contribution towards the wedding.. Unfortunately, we aren't comfortable with not being able to choose our own suppliers and understand that you feel you should choose given you are paying. Our day means too much to us to not have control over this so we have decided we will pay for our wedding ourselves in order that we can have the day exactly to suit us".

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