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So it’s a bit of an unusual time to be posting but I’m currently in a hostel surrounded by snorers and so it seems as good a time as any.

The wedding is in just over 4 months and I’m just getting more anxious about it. I was never that keen on a bigger ceremony but we compromised and have about 55 people coming to a ceremony on the Loch and then the reception later and that caused upheaval enough. 

I just can’t get excited or want to get into the details at all. The whole day just feels staged to me and I’m just not in for the whole being centre of attention thing. I don’t like being paraded in front of people, I don’t like the idea of saying vows in front of that many people, I don’t want toasts, cake cutting or the first dance. We have to start choosing music for the ceremony/reception and I honestly am not interested because in my mind it feels awkward. 

I have come to the conclusion I’m probably not going to have much or any make up because that’s not who I am. But then there are getting ready photos which honestly, who cares about it? I don’t think I’ll look back and be like oh I remember this moment it was perfect. I don’t want people around me making a fuss of getting dressed. It’s called clothing, people wear it in preference to getting arrested in public and possibly even because we don’t want to be seen naked. 

My dad keeps talking about how we are going to have a car just me and him even though I said I don’t care about cars and I want it to be us all as a family. 

I just feel bad because FH is totally down for it all but doing FA about the planning which doesn’t help. He maybe pays attention for like 5 minutes and then is onto something else. He doesn’t seem to get that it’s beyond just the first dance which bothers me, it’s the whole day. He doesn’t seem keen to have a separate ceremony for just us either because it would mean not telling our parents Which I also totally get, I‘d want my parents there too, but then where is the line drawn. 

I thought I was getting used to the idea but honestly all I’m excited for is the Pick ‘n’ Mix and the honeymoon and marriage. I’m actually scared I’m going to freak out on the day and not want to do it in front of all the people. This is more of a moan/overwhelming load of emotions than a post desperately needing an answer. Just feeling a bit alone in it all. 


  • kitty-kitty- Posts: 121 New bride

    The great thing about weddings are traditions can be broken. I mean with the ceremony have you sent out your invites yet as this could always be changed? However I don’t think you’ll notice them at all as you’ll only have eyes for your partner. 

    Do things for your wedding that you want and make you excited: ie: your immediate family in a car, dont do a first dance if you don’t want to- I’m not- we are having a celidh and just going straight into that! 

    I think im Not as excited as I should be but the day will come and you’ll be super excited. Just make sure it’s got your stamp on it 

  • Kelly224Kelly224 Posts: 962 New bride

    You've definitely got time to change some bits if you want to!  Remember it's YOUR day and you need to feel comfortable.  I'm guessing with 4 months to go your probably too late to change things like guest numbers but as Kitty mentioned above when you are saying your vows you will probably only have eyes for your OH and won't even notice anyone else so try not to stress about that part too much.  In regards to choosing the music have you got any songs you really love and make you feel happy and calm? if so try and incorporate those into the ceremony to make you feel more relaxed.

    Kitty is right, you can break with tradition if you want!  You dont have to have speeches, first dance, cake cutting if you don't want to and if you want all your family in one car then go for it!  Just book it and tell them later - it's your wedding, you don't have to go with what other people want.

    Definitely don't worry about getting ready photos if you don't want them!  The morning is the time that you will need to make sure you feel at your most relaxed to get ready for the ceremony and if photos will make you feel uncomfortable don't do it!

    Just sit down and have a chat with your OH and let him know which bits you are feeling uncomfortable about.  My OH hates speeches so I've told him he doesn't need to make one, yes I'm sure people will say he should stand up and say something but I know he'll worry about that all day and he'll feel so uncomfortable and it will ruin the day for him so he's not doing it.  

    Hope you get things sorted and start to feel more excited.  I'm sure you'll have the most gorgeous day and once it gets going your worries will probably fly out the window!

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride

    We aren't having a photographer when I'm getting ready, he is only shooting the ceremony onwards - it's up to you.

    If I remember your planning thread (are you getting married next to a lake/loch?) you haven't really been comfortable with this all along so I don't know what to suggest really - you've kind of been railroaded into a wedding you don't want. I think you need to sit down with your fiancé and have a very honest conversation because the only 2 people who matter here are you two - it's your wedding, no-one else's.

  • I'm also not having a photographer for the getting ready stage, we're generally having quite a big and traditional wedding and I'm not worried about the attention, I just thought that for me the getting ready photos were unimportant and an unnecessary expense. So don't worry about that, that's an easy fix.

    Maybe plan time in your day where you can step away for half an hour or so with your husband and have some alone time? 

    Don't have a first dance if you don't want one. For the ceremony maybe keep it very traditional and understated? So for the vows you can just stick with the traditional vows and then you're just repeating what the registrar is saying so it might not feel as awkward? And you could just keep the music as classical music so it's not too overly sentimental?

    Best wishes for you! 

  • Don't feel alone! I bet lots of people feel the same.

    There must be some compromise? Cant you do the vows in the same room you will be going to sign the register? That doesn't have to be done in front of everyone. Then you can just stand at the front , with the registrar doing a reading and that's it?

    You don't have to do a first dance, couldn't your DJ announce a "Song request" from the both of you?

    With regards to your Dad, he obviously wants to do the whole "father of the bride"  duty, which is lovely.  You may not want the car, and that side of the tradition, but if that is the one compromise you can make  to let your Dad play his part.. is that too much to ask? If so, let him know the people you want in the car with you.

    remember, its about you and OH, no one else.

    I would suggest writing down all the things that make you uncomfortable, figure out the ones you can stomach and then find a simple alternative for the others.

    Its really not good that you are fretting and feeling so rubbish about your wedding when there are way to get around it.

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