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Overreacting

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some opinions. I get married in less than 6 months and have 4 bridesmaids. When we went looking for their dresses we discussed my hairdresser (and maybe her colleague too) coming to us on the morning of the wedding to do everyone's hair, and everyone does their own make up. Everyone was on board with this.

I have since mentioned that my hairdresser is able to do what we had discussed but now one bridesmaid wants to sort herself out as I said she wasn't doing hair trails for bridesmaids, one has thought about doing the same and another wants to go elsewhere to get make up done and meet us later .

When I mentioned that I wanted us all to get ready and do it all together on the morning of the wedding it descended into chaos and arguing. They were either saying that there would not be enough time, they'd have to get up at 6am and there would be no time for them to eat. We don't get married until 2pm!

Am I being selfish wanting everyone to do what I want on the morning of the wedding, or am I overreacting? I feel like just saying I will get ready with the one bridesmaid who is happy to do whatever I want and my mum, and I'll just meet the other before the ceremony begins. It's starting to really get me down and I just feel like they don't care what I want.

 

Many thanks,

x

Posts

  • I have to be honest, I do think that you’re overreacting. If your bridesmaids want to have hair trials and makeup done professionally that is their porogative and shouldn't really be an isue for you. If your hairdresser is expected to have to do the hair for you, 4 BM’s and your mum it will be an early start so they’re right about that! Let them get on with it and meet you later or see if they can arrange their hairdresser to meet the girls at the place where you’re getting ready (but this will probably end up being a bit cramped). Just try to see the bigger picture and remember it’ll also save you money and you won’t be as pressured for time on the morning if they ask someone else to do it. 

     

  • I have to disagree, i think it's unreasonable to agree to something and then change their mind and have an argument about it. BMs getting ready with the bride is quite a basic expectation, and if they go elsewhere it will be stressful that they get back on time etc. Maybe try to reassure them by showing them the timings- I'm sure with 2 hairdressers they will be fine- and tell them when food is arriving etc. If they continue to be awkward then I would just get ready with the one BM and your mum. Good luck

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride

    I think you’re within your rights to be upset that they won’t be getting ready with you on the morning. If they’re worried about having to be up early, could you do them a schedule to show when exactly everyone would have to start? 

    On the flip side, if you did just have one bridesmaid and your mum getting ready with you on the morning, it might eliminate extra stress and be a calmer atmosphere, and you would still have someone to get ready with? 

  • AwhelenqtAwhelenqt Posts: 856 New bride

    You're not overreacting at all!

    Everyone bangs on about "you don't have a wedding year or month, you only have one day " so surely that one day should be essentially dictated by you??? As previously said it's an absolute basic expectation for your maids to get ready with you. It's your day it's not about them. Sorry if that sounds shitty but them risking causing you unnecessary stress is selfish on their part. It's literally one day that means the most to you they need to just listen to you 

  • I find it odd that you wouldn't all be together on the morning.  I have shot over 40 weddings now and I have not once come across a situation where they weren't all together (with the exception of flower girls who are typically brought over later).  Granted I turn up around 2 hours before the ceremony, so they could have arrived with their make up already done, but this appears not to be the case when I have spoken to the MUAs etc.  

    It's up to you, but perhaps as a compromise I would suggest a time limit (i.e. be at mine with hair and make up done by 12pm) so that you can still do the typical things (fizz, putting on dresses etc).

    Shame though, it's very selfish of them to put you in this position x

  • Thanks everyone. Still not sure what to do. Just fed up of the whole situation. I haven't asked much from them throughout the planning and this was the one thing that I wanted.

     

    Will definitely sleep on this advise and just see what happens.

     

    X

  • It seems to be the issue for your bridesmaids is your hairdresser not doing a trial? That doesn’t seem fair on your bridesmaids. 

  • MrsS2019MrsS2019 Posts: 137 New bride

    i was a bridesmaid a couple of years  ago, the hairdresser for my friend did hair trials but my god she made my hair look awful so I Said to the hairdress I did not want my hair looking like a birds nest so on the day they got the other hairdresser doing my hair and it turned out lovely and neat. If I was told I couldn’t have a trial I would go with a hairdresser of my own choice who would do a hair trial. I’m sorry but even for a friends wedding I would refuse to risk looking a mess or unhappy

  • redhair82redhair82 Posts: 289 New bride

    What on earth?! Of course you have a right to be upset. It is a standard thing your bridesmaids getting ready with you. How ridiculous they are throwing their toys out of the pram. Is there anyway those that want a trial can pay for it? 

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