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Friend trying to make us change our date

Hello, just needing some advice and support about an unfortunate situation...

 

So my fiance has a best friend who he is very close too, grew up with him, lived next door to each other, he has a girlfriend who has always had issues with me. We do not get along very well. *side note my fiance's ex also had a lot of trouble with this girl too so its not just me 

She always seems to have issues and make me feel down and sad a lot of the time with her comments etc to me.

Anyways, my fiance and his best friend bought rings at the same time (unknowingly) he proposed a month before my fiance did.

They booked their wedding date november 12 2019. We went looking for venues and wanted to be married in october due to families birthdays in november (we also can only get married on a weekend) and not wanting to be close to Christmas as work is crazy for us then. It just works best for us and we didnt think anything of it.  Anyways we booked for two weeks before theirs and now she is being horrible to us, she is trying to make us move dates, even called our venue to find out what other dates we could have. She also looked through my families facebook pages to check their birthdays because she thought i was lying about it. 

We are also in aus and spring/summer is oct-march so limited weekends and we are wanting to be married soon in 2019 so we can have kids. 

 

Ive cried more than laugh since being engaged due to all of this. I dont know what to do. I didnt think this would be a problem.  If it was the other way around i wouldn't care im just excited to get married but i feel a massive damper on everything because of how she is acting. I have been getting nasty texts from her for weeks. 

What do i do ?!

Posts

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    She's being a bit over the top as you get a wedding day not a month or year, however two weeks is awfully close. Won't you be on honeymoon when it's their wedding? Do you have lots of the same guests attending both?

  • grace76grace76 Posts: 8
    bella2015 wrote (see post):

    She's being a bit over the top as you get a wedding day not a month or year, however two weeks is awfully close. Won't you be on honeymoon when it's their wedding? Do you have lots of the same guests attending both?

    We are going on our honeymoon a couple days after their wedding so we are back for december. Im a nurse and its the busiest time of year for me and very expensive to travel at that time.

    We have about 6 couples that are the same but thats it.

  • I'd ignore her and carry on as you are. In terms of her behaviour, I'd be concerned how sneaky and sly she is if she's already called the venue to enquire about dates! Just to be on the safe side, call your venue, warn them of the situation and tell them that you will not cancel the date because seriously, with that kind of behaviour I wouldn't put it past her to do such a thing. 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride

    She gets a wedding day, not month or year. Block her number and get on with planning your wedding. She isn't your friend.

  • Candice9Candice9 Posts: 230 New bride
    August2018Bride wrote (see post):

    I'd ignore her and carry on as you are. In terms of her behaviour, I'd be concerned how sneaky and sly she is if she's already called the venue to enquire about dates! Just to be on the safe side, call your venue, warn them of the situation and tell them that you will not cancel the date because seriously, with that kind of behaviour I wouldn't put it past her to do such a thing. 

    I would 100% agree with this - it doesn't matter how miffed she is, doing something like this is psycho territory, and I would be making the venue aware!

  • MrsGtoBMrsGtoB Posts: 712 New bride

    I agree she sounds slightly crazy but booking your wedding two weeks before theirs I think is quite selfish. They won’t be able to enjoy your wedding as it’s the run up to theirs. If you have similar guests it’s also a big expense for those guests. 

    Personally i would move my date X 

  • Two weeks isn't ideal but of course it's totally fine given all the other factors you're having to consider. 

    Can't your fiance settle this with his best friend?!

  • SarahC2016SarahC2016 Posts: 414 New bride

    Definitely ignore her! We went to a wedding a week before ours, it’s really not an issue! Every wedding is special in their own way, it’s not a competition! 

     

    I might be being dramatic but because you said about her phoning your venue it might be worth setting up a password or something with your suppliers so they know it’s you they are speaking too. She probably wouldn’t but I’ve heard of people being spiteful and trying to cancel or change orders before. 

    Happy wedding planning! 

  • MrsLMTMrsLMT Posts: 3,830

    So I booked my wedding 2 years in advance. In that time four other couples got engaged and married before us. Hubbys dad got engaged three weeks after us and got married February 2017, my brother got engaged Christmas Day 2016 and got married June 2017, my bestfriend got engaged and married in 6 weeks, (her wedding was December 2017) while another friend got married 2 weeks before me. Did I care? No, in fact it was a running joke that everyone was getting married before me. 

    As for the wedding two weeks before my own, it was lovely going to another wedding reception and feeling the excitement. Was there a lot of guest crossover? Not really. Did anyone mind going to a two weddings in two weeks? Nope! Everyone was excited. 

    If it only effects 6 couples I really wouldn't worry. Everyone will be excited for both weddings and if on the day she starts with any comments make sure you have someone who can have a word to keep her mouth shut. 

    In the meantime, block her number or ignore her, make sure your suppliers and venue know the situation and get on with your planning. 

     

  • She sounds bonkers, and im sorry youre having to go through this. I dont think 2 weeks is an issue at all, and actually if they arent organised and so theyre freaking out 2 weeks before then theyre only going to ruin it for themselves. 

     

    Personally, id be telling the other half and his best friend whos girlfriend it is that the 2 weeks isnt an issue, because if she doest stop you wont be inviting her to your wedding so she wont have to worry about it! 

    Her OH should be telling her to get over herself and stop being so controlling and pushy. 

     

    I second the password with your suppliers, just so theres no way she can try and interfere. 

  • Just have to agree with everyone else, she needs to give her head a shake and have a reality check it is not a competition and no one will care if they go to two weddings in two weeks, and it only affects 6 couples.

    I also agree that you may want to contact all of your suppliers and let them know about her behaviour and that whilst you are not saying she would attempt to sabotage your day you would like them to confirm with you via your registered email address / phone number before any changes are made.

  • Bride19Bride19 Posts: 15 New bride

    Ignore her, she’s being absolutely ridiculous. There are so many factors as you explained which come into choosing a date that you have to go with what is right for you, it’s your day and it’s just as important as hers! Maybe see if your husband can talk to his best friend if he hasn’t already to try talk some sense into her? If it’s that much of an issue to her then tell her she doesn’t have to come! 

    A couple we’re friends with got married in NYC two weeks before us and had their UK celebration a week before - although it meant some of our guests had a busy month of travelling and spending it didn’t make a difference to our day at all! Unfortunately we couldn’t afford to make it to NYC ourselves with it being so close to ours but we went to the UK celebrations and it was actually really nice to catch up with our friends that would be coming to ours the week after and be in a bit of a wedding buzz! 

  • LJ90LJ90 Posts: 6 New bride

    Hello Lovely,

     

    Shes not your friend and its a shame she is making this time so stressful for you. Stick to your date, if people want to be there they will be there. I don't think you have done anything wrong, its your day and you should have it whenever you want.

    I'm going to a wedding a week before mine, I'm excited to share in their day and happy to be invited. I don't think anyone is stealing my thunder and your "friend" maybe needs a reality check!!

    I hope you can enjoy your planning more and just ignore her as much as you can!!

     

    xxx

  • Ignore her! You book a wedding day, you don't ask anyone to book out weeks to prepare for someone else's wedding!

    My cousin had been engaged for years and set a date for their wedding, but when we came to book ours in, the venue only had one date available in 2017 which was 3 weeks after theirs! We did ask and they didn't mind one little bit, they were pleased they'd have a tan for the pictures! Our friends did get engaged after us, and married 2 weeks before us and it was fine!

    There was overlap in the family that attended both mine and my cousins wedding, and friends that overlapped in the other one but it just meant we could catch up with family and friends before hand so we didn't feel like we hadn't seen them in ages by the time we got to our wedding.

    It made me more excited for our wedding by going to others so close...it really isn't a big deal. 

  • Definitely ignore her. As for the guests well three years ago two of my close friends from the same group - we all went to University together and have been close ever since. Got married on two consecutive weekends. I went to both and we loved it because we could all properly catch up. Admittedly the two brides didn't go to each others wedding but they are still really good friends and didn't mind in the slightest.

     

    As a guest it was expensive as they were other parts of the country but no more then any other summer when I had more than one wedding. If they are true friends they will not care.

    xx

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