Bride doesn’t want her bridesmaids to be pregnant

Just looking for people’s views here. 

So me and my husband got married last year and always said we wanted to buy a house and enjoy a couple of holidays just us before trying for a baby. We’ve bought the house now and have a few more months of finishing the decorating and getting back to a stable position financially before we’d be ready to start trying so have said we probably will at some point in 2019.

In the meantime one of my best friends has got engaged and I’ve said yes to being her bridesmaid for October 2019. She was recently complaining to me that one of the other bridesmaids has said she might start trying for a baby herself in 2019 as she wouldn’t want her be heavily pregnant on her wedding day and doesn‘t see why she can’t wait until after the wedding/or why she agreed to be a bridesmaid if that was her plan.

So this has now worried me about my own plans and I’d be interested to hear if people think we should wait until my friend’s wedding has happened to try. We don’t know yet when we will feel the right time is and I know it may not happen for us quickly anyway but that’s part of the reason I don’t want to delay if we do feel ready, and part of me feels that trying for a baby is such a big and personal thing to the couple themselves that the timing shouldn’t be dictated by someone else.

If I were to get pregnant I would obviously be honest with the bride and understand if she didn’t want me to be a bridesmaid and cover any lost costs of the dress etc but I would be really sad to fall out with her over it and not be able to be part of her day! 

Posts

  • I think that it’s ludicrous of the girl to think that anyone should put their life on hold for the sake of her wedding! 

    I don’t think you should take any notice of what she’s said and try for a baby when you both feel ready. If the time comes to announce your pregnancy before the big day, hopefully she’ll have got over herself by then and is nothing but excited and happy for you. 

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    She is being silly and selfish, there is no way you should be putting off starting a family just because of her wedding. 

  • Surely this is a joke? Ignore her and do your thing. You’re right, it is such a personal decision and no one else can dictate it. Surely if she’s a good friend she’ll be happy for you and any other bridesmaids that do get pregnant. And if not, she may just need reminding that everyone else can’t put their lives on hold for just one day.

  • Thanks ladies I was thinking the same too but wanted to make sure I wasn‘t being a bad friend/bridesmaid! If it does happen for me or another bridesmaid I’m hoping she would get over her annoyance and just be happy for us!

  • Definitely not being a bad friend - she's being a bad friend 

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    She's an idiot. What if you hold off and then find out that for some reason falling pregnant won't be easy for you? You will have wasted time waiting for her wedding when you could have been looking at your options!

  • Just wow! You most certainly shouldn't hold off your baby plans. 

    Found out my bridesmaid was 12 weeks pregnant a week before my wedding - didn't bother me, the dress could easily accommodate a bump. 

  • She is being the definition of a Bridexilla. She gets a wedding DAY not a YEAR. Whether her bridesmaids get pregnant or not is none if her business. She shouldn't expect anyone to put their life on hold because of her wedding.

    Try for your baby when you're ready. And if you do get pregnant before the wedding just be honest with her. You might need to accept that she doesn't want you to be a bridesmaid (which is ridiculous). But certainly don't put your life on hold.

  • I have heard so many brides moaning about their Bridesmaids being pregnant on the hen or on the wedding day! I don't understand why it's an issue!

    My MOH is trying for a baby and my bridesmaid is pregnant - I couldn't be happier for them!

    Kids coming to the wedding is another issue entirely though ;)

     

  • bohobride0719 wrote (see post):

    I have heard so many brides moaning about their Bridesmaids being pregnant on the hen or on the wedding day! I don't understand why it's an issue!

    My MOH is trying for a baby and my bridesmaid is pregnant - I couldn't be happier for them!

    Kids coming to the wedding is another issue entirely though ;)

     

    You’re so right it seems to be quite common which just seems ridiculous to me! Someone else I know uninvited one of her bridesmaids entirely because she got pregnant and couldn’t commit to the hen do which just seemed very unfair. 

    My friend has already said she’ll be trying straight away for a baby after the wedding which annoys me more as I can‘t see her having put that on hold for being a bridesmaid if our weddings had been the other way round!

     

  • Since when did a bride become a dictator? Now the bride not only thinks she can say what you're wearing, how you're doing your hair, and what shoes to wear, but apparently she can exercise some control over your family planning? Talk about taking things too far. 

    There are plenty of dresses, matchy poo or not, that can accommodate a bump, should you be lucky enough to be sporting one by the time of her wedding. I would just be upfront with her during the shopping process that you are TTC and may be pregnant so that she's not looking to put you in something extremely formfitting. Whilst she has no business trying to control your family life, it wouldn't be nice to keep mum and have her end up wasting money on a dress that can't be altered to fit you.

  • She shouldn't be dictating that you or the other bridesmaid can't get pregnant! That's not on, I would may be be honest with her when she starts talking dresses and maybe try and go for a floaty number or put off buying it until next summer? Just so you aren't caught out with a dress that doesn't fit. Good luck in trying for a baby x

  • She is being crazy. One of my friends got engaged last year. One of the first things I said when she said what year she was getting married was. I'm thinking of getting pregnant that year (2019). She asked me to be her matron of honour and I Agreed. I know that however pregnant I am I wouldn't miss one of my oldest friends weddings.

    if she is truly a good friend she will be happy for you. There are plenty of dresses you can get to easily accommodate a bump of any size. 

    Hope it all works out for you. 

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