h2b has no close friends!

bohobride0719bohobride0719 Posts: 93 New bride
edited October 2019 in Emotional support
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Posts

  • Kitty12Kitty12 Posts: 119 New bride

    Some people just form friendships differently. I have a close best friend, but most of my other friends are people I don’t see often outside of work. Is he happy with the friends he has? If he wants more friendships then I can see why that might be something he needs to work on, but if he’s happy then I’d let him be. Some people have wide circles of friends, others don’t.

    As for the strangers at the wedding, unfortunately it happens. I didnt know all my husbands cousins and colleagues, but they were there and had a good time. They’re strangers to you, but not to him.

     

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,949 New bride

    My dad doesn't have close friends. He has people he is friendly with through his work, but he doesn't see them socially. He has always been a real family man and just likes spending time with his wife his kids, and his dogs.

    They go for meals with my stepmum's best friend and her husband, who is similar and also doesn't really have friends. My dad was his best man by default despite the fact they aren't really friends themselves!

    My OH is from a different county so we don't socialize a lot with his friends, probably with mine more - it's just the way it is. To be honest once you have kids nights out are few and far in between anyway. We agreed for the ceremony and meal we would only invite people we both know - other friends and colleagues are invited to the evening only as I didn't want strangers in my ceremony.

  • I hope you won't be offended by what I say, but this was a huge source of contention between me and my now ex-husband.

    I don't have a lot of friends; in fact, when I was with him, I had one. And I had only known her about a year. The reasons for this are long, but the simple fact is that I have not been blessed in this regard.

    And it hurts.  I'm one of those that always chimes in on threads about not having friends for BMs and not having hens for the hen do.  When times get tough and I need a shoulder to cry on or a girls' night out, that's not an option for me.  Going through my divorce, in fact, was one of my loneliest experiences ever.

    The fact that my former husband used to poke at me for not having friends and not wanting to go out constantly highlighted the fact that he was "popular", had loads of friends, and was a party animal. I'm a quieter home-body. Please don't do that to your OH. Trust me, he already knows he's not the life of the party.  You're not going to be in any worse shape on your wedding day because he has a handful of people there you don't know well because you haven't hung out with them much or at all. Just be glad he has someone there. There are brides plenty on here that have virtually no friends or even family there on their big day.

    Friendships - as much as we'd like to think they are indelible - do come and go. So long as your OH is giving you the time you need with your friends and family (and adequate alone time), don't push him or make him feel bad if socialising isn't his thing. It's not going to be consequential on your wedding day, but the issue could prove consequential in your marriage.

  • KittyFiennes wrote (see post):

    I hope you won't be offended by what I say, but this was a huge source of contention between me and my now ex-husband.

    I don't have a lot of friends; in fact, when I was with him, I had one. And I had only known her about a year. The reasons for this are long, but the simple fact is that I have not been blessed in this regard.

    And it hurts.  I'm one of those that always chimes in on threads about not having friends for BMs and not having hens for the hen do.  When times get tough and I need a shoulder to cry on or a girls' night out, that's not an option for me.  Going through my divorce, in fact, was one of my loneliest experiences ever.

    The fact that my former husband used to poke at me for not having friends and not wanting to go out constantly highlighted the fact that he was "popular", had loads of friends, and was a party animal. I'm a quieter home-body. Please don't do that to your OH. Trust me, he already knows he's not the life of the party.  You're not going to be in any worse shape on your wedding day because he has a handful of people there you don't know well because you haven't hung out with them much or at all. Just be glad he has someone there. There are brides plenty on here that have virtually no friends or even family there on their big day.

    Friendships - as much as we'd like to think they are indelible - do come and go. So long as your OH is giving you the time you need with your friends and family (and adequate alone time), don't push him or make him feel bad if socialising isn't his thing. It's not going to be consequential on your wedding day, but the issue could prove consequential in your marriage.

     

    Thank you for being honest. I totally get what you're saying because I am also that person. I can count on my hand the amount of real friends I have and I too have contributed to the forums that other women have saying they feel lonely etc.  It does hurt. I have never had a lot of friends, I don't know why I just haven't and it's something that gives me constant anxiety and a feeling of not being good enough.

    But this is why I get upset with H2B  - he has such an outgoing, lovely personality and people are instantly drawn to him - traits I've never had and always wanted! Because of that I almost feel as if I need him to help me with that side of things and introduce me to people who could become great friends of ours if only he would make a tiny bit more effort with them. I'm so tired of feeling lonely and not good enough for others :(

     

  • Sian91Sian91 Posts: 829 New bride

    I think sometimes each to their own. My partner is very likeable and has a large group of friends but it boils down to he's actually only close to a few that he sees a few times a year as they live further away and he's not actually that interested in having massive numbers of friends. 

    I have a wider circle and see regularly, our couple friends are my friends generally as they live local to us. But so what? 

    Maybe try Bumble BFF/Meet up or similar IF your partner wants more mates/you both want couple friends? I've met a group of girls about 4 years ago in my local area on meetup and a number of them and some of their partners are coming to the wedding. They're the girls I go for dinner with on a weeknight and occasionally for a barbecue/party we all get together with our partners. My partner loves his car and hanging out with me haha. 

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