My man and grandad are refusing to come to my wedding... 😩😔😢😡🤬

Feeling a mixture of emotions and just wanted to get some things off of my chest. 

To cut a very long story short(ish) my grandad and Dad had a falling out over something rather stupid. This was whilst they were away together and in the end my nan and granddad decided to catch the train home. The following day they told my mum that they were no longer coming to my wedding. This obviously hurt a lot as I have nothing to do with the falling out and it felt like I was caught in the crossfire and being punished in order for them to make a point. 

I decided to go and see them and ask for them to reconsider. I explained that I wasn’t going to take sides but would do everything I could to ensure that they felt comfortable on the day - they wouldn’t be sat near each other etc. etc. They basically said no they wouldn’t come. It ended in a argument as I’d practically begged them to change their mind and they wouldn’t even think about it and the argument ended with them completely ignoring me and not even looking at me. 

I know now that there’s nothing that can be done but I just feel so hurt. Not sure what the point of this is other than to get it off my chest. I’m hoping someone might have some words of wisdom or comfort. 

Posts

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    So they had an argument with your dad and so won't come to your wedding? No words, just a hug because they are being bloody ridiculous and selfish. My grandad can't come to mine as too ill so the fact they are willingly giving up their chance to attend yours when others don't have that chance really gets to me.

    So yeah, just a hug, because families suck 

  • Sadieee wrote (see post):

    So they had an argument with your dad and so won't come to your wedding? No words, just a hug because they are being bloody ridiculous and selfish. My grandad can't come to mine as too ill so the fact they are willingly giving up their chance to attend yours when others don't have that chance really gets to me.

    So yeah, just a hug, because families suck 

    Thanks Sadie. 

    This is what makes it harder. My granddad on my dads side passed away a couple of years ago and my dad doesn’t have a relationship with his mum so neither do I. I did say to them that they are my onot grandparents and it means a lot for them to be there but they just didn't care. 😭

    It‘s less than a month until the big day so I guess I just have to accept their decision and try to move forward. 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,949 New bride

    Sorry to hear this, no advice but sending hugs. I'm not sure if my only remaining grandparent will be able to attend my wedding which sucks a bit. I think it's sad your grandparents are willing to upset you and miss your big day just to make a point. There are people coming to our wedding who don't get on but they politely ignore each other at family events.

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    They are being totally ridiculous and the whole situation is incredibly unfair on you. When is your wedding, do you think they may see sense by then?

    I had no grandparents at my wedding as they've all passed away. So I can completely understand why this is important to you thst they are there. 

  • They are beyond unreasonable and generating future regrets for everyone involved.

    Can your dad approach them? Since their disagreement kicked this off, perhaps he can help put this straight.

    I have no living grandparents and I cannot understand why they’d put you in this position and refuse to share such an important event. I’m so sorry. X

  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,311 New bride

    i agree with spacepuffin, can your dad approach them and see if they can bury the hatchet for one day? So sorry you’ve been caught in this crossfire xx

    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
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  • Becky111Becky111 Posts: 222 New bride

    I honestly can't believe some people in advancing years can be so bloody childish and stubborn. 

    I really hope they see sense and come to the wedding. 

  • What a frustrating and upsetting situation to be in - I would definitely put it on your parents to sort this out - I say parents, as maybe your mum needs to be there to help ease the situation and as parents usually say "this is your mess, you need to clean it up".  Good luck, I hope it gets sorted

  • So a little update -  My dad tried speaking to my grandparents today after leaving it a while for the situation to calm down. My dad isn't holding any grudges and tried to speak to them to let them know he would be civil on the day etc., but my grandparents just hung up the phone. They are still refusing to come and even worse, it means two other family members won't be attending now too as my grandparents were their lift (and they are scared of upsetting them by attending). 

    Still feeling devastated and really hurt by the situation but I'm not sure what can be done now as they've made their position more than clear. 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,949 New bride

    Sorry to hear there is no progress - old people really are stubborn in my experience 🙄

  • You poor thing, that's awful. I can't think of anything useful to say except that they are being totally unreasonable, you've done all you could have done (more than some people would have done, in fact), and at the end of the day I'm sure they will come to regret it.You should now just concentrate on enjoying your day with the people who are there. xxx

  • I actually find it abhorrent that your grandparents would do this to you, the innocent party. I can't imagine what you're going through and I really wish I could make your grandparents realise just how unfair they're being to their granddaughter. I truly hope they come to their senses but if they don't, please don't let it spoil your day because there are only 2 people going to miss out on this wonderful occasion and it's not you. Big hugs sweetheart xx

  • I'm so sorry they are treating you this way. It's so outlandish in that you had absolutely nothing to do with it!

    Did you have a good relationship personally with them before?  Could you possibly write them a letter and explain that they are hurting YOU and really no one else by refusing to attend?  Perhaps a kindly worded (not that they deserve it) letter explaining that you love them and would hope that they love you enough to bury the hatchet and attend.  If that fails, I would be hesitant to un-involve people that bitter in my life going forward.

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