Bridesmaid trouble

Hello, 

First time poster. I chose my cousin to be my maid of honour and I'm now regretting it.

She is really stressing me out already and I'm not even getting married until 2020. I sent some ideas for BM dresses to my bridesmaids showing them my thinking. She has turned her nose up at everything and keeps sending me pictures of dresses which are awful and absolutely don't fit my theme or ideas. The other three really like my thinking so they're not an issue. 

I am having a very simple, rural wedding and marrying in a church. Think English rose rather than red carpet glamorous. Everything she is sending is revealing, tight and very glamorous. She keeps fussing over make up artists, etc. when to be honest, I've only just booked my venue and don't have the time or capacity to think about it at this current time. I've also thought about each of their body types and found a style which works for all. Everything she is suggesting would be fine for her, but not for my other bridesmaids. I don't think that's fair. At all. When I raised this, she asked why she can't wear something different to the others. Is it really bad if I'm just blunt and say because it's my wedding and I want all my BMs in the same dress? 

How can I tactfully remind her that this is mine and my fiancé's wedding (not hers) and that her job is to reduce my stress not add to it? Especially as I'm paying for the BM dresses, I feel like she should be more open minded and just try what I'm suggesting before rejecting I it. Am I being unreasonable? 

Posts

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride

    Honestly, I would stop asking for opinions or showing her ideas, I would buy a dress, get her to try it and provided it fits say that’s the one. I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of it only being a possibility, I’d say this is my choice so that’s what we’ll go with. Yes, she needs to feel comfortable, but we’ve all been a bridesmaid and just got on with wearing the dress chosen, it’s what you do. This is assuming youre paying for the dresses? If she’s paying for her own you may have less of a leg to stand on. 

    How old is your cousin? Could it be she’s never done this before and doesn’t really understand how it works? One of my younger cousins and bridesmaids asked if she could get ready but then go and hang out with her boyfriend until the ceremony and see us just before. When I said that actually I wanted us all together and she’d just have to see him after the ceremony she was fine, she just had no idea of the few norms or expectations that come with being a bridesmaid. 

  • Pisces91Pisces91 Posts: 177 New bride

    Yes, I'm paying for them. She's 35 so this isn't her first rodeo! Did you ask for their sizes then just order the dresses?

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride

    Oh I see! Haha I was assuming she was younger. Yeah I would put your foot down here. Wearing the dress chosen is not a huge ask of a bridesmaid. I did send everyone a picture and then said “this is the dress I like, could I have your sizes please? Happy to order more than one size and we can alter for the right fit” or words to that effect! Only one of the girls didn’t like it but realised it wasn’t about her and totally got on with it. Probably because I’m her bridesmaid next year so she knew I’d have to do the same! Ha x

  • MrsS2019MrsS2019 Posts: 137 New bride

    All my bridesmaids have been brilliant so far! Dresses for me were a problem though as they’re all varying in size and shape. So I chose a dress asked for their sizes and ordered it. They tried them on and that was it. It looked fine on all of them and they were comfortable in them. That for me is all they needed to be. Don’t let a bridesmaid dictate one thing otherwise she will just continue. Just tell her straight that as you are paying for the dresses and your buying everyone the same dress it needs to fit and suit everyone, I’m quite feisty though so I’d probably add that if she isnt willing to cooperate and compromise for MY wedding then she can step down although I’d prefer her to be a part of it 

  • Pisces91Pisces91 Posts: 177 New bride

    Thank you. You have made me feel a lot less unreasonable!

    I'm thinking I'll wait a while before I order anything just in case anything changes with anyone then just do what you've done. Wish I had from the start!

    xx

  • Pisces91Pisces91 Posts: 177 New bride
    MrsS2019 wrote (see post):

    All my bridesmaids have been brilliant so far! Dresses for me were a problem though as they’re all varying in size and shape. So I chose a dress asked for their sizes and ordered it. They tried them on and that was it. It looked fine on all of them and they were comfortable in them. That for me is all they needed to be. Don’t let a bridesmaid dictate one thing otherwise she will just continue. Just tell her straight that as you are paying for the dresses and your buying everyone the same dress it needs to fit and suit everyone, I’m quite feisty though so I’d probably add that if she isnt willing to cooperate and compromise for MY wedding then she can step down although I’d prefer her to be a part of it 

    Hahah! The problem is that my cousin is quite feisty too. Guess I need my big girl pants. xx

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