Advice needed over guestlist woes with FH and Parents
I am new to youandyourwedding and opened my account simply to be able to post this. I am having issues with my Fiance and with my parents over the final guestlist invites to our upcoming wedding early 2019- I know, time is not on our side here.
When we got engaged we decided that we loved the idea of a relatively small wedding approximately 60 people, however our first oversight was committing ourselves initially to a number without considering the people behind the numbers. The problem being I have sizeable number of relatives that I want to attend, which has expanded this number.
Initially my OH was not happy about the increase in numbers, as he really wanted a small wedding ( he has said he would be uncomfortable in a large crowd of people especially of he doesnt know them) and saw that this was becoming too many. As a compromise, I did say to him that I would not invite my cousins who I have been raised with, and he seemed happy however I was not.
My parents obviously wanted to be involved in the planning however this was something that was also an issue, as my mother is very opinionated with an almost polar opposite view to me on most things, so when I told them about the numbers and proposed guests, she was afronted and insisted on input. I agreed, sent her the list of potential guests I had compiled and reminded her that the headcount needed to be no more than 40 people including my 6 very close friends who I would not want to get married without. She was disgusted, and in what seemed like a passive agressive attempt to punish me, took well over a fortnight to give the input that she insisted on being able to give and when she did respond, her list of comprised of 70 people excluding all of my friends.
Naturally I was frustrated, and spoke with my OH about the dilemma. His opinion was that it is our wedding, that we were paying for it and we have agreed a number and we weren't deviating from this. Needless to say this was the starting point that put me in a very awkward position.
I explained that some people would need to come off this list, which was met with difficulty and more passive aggressive behaviour. She refused to speak to me for a few weeks. When we eventually spoke again, I agreed to allow her extended family to come ( her aunts and cousins, of whom don't get along with me, nor do they have regular contact with me).
I also had the problem of trying to explain to my OH that I really wanted my cousins to be there. He was understandably annoyed but relented and allowed for the changes to happen.
This rambling back story brings me to my recent state of affairs. We were trying to finally write out the invites, I updated our little guestlist spread to reflect all day attendees, with the intentions of proof reading with OH and writing the invites. He told me not to worry about his and focus on my side, which I thought was a tad dramatic, but I relented. When the all day changes were made he 'proof read' the list and became increasingly worked up and accused me of being underhanded with the changes I had made. I was shocked at the outburst and the accusation, and needless to say stress got the better of us and voices became raised. It became a very emotional argument, during which he told me that I have not considered his wants and that he has already compromised with the guestlist and that he was not compromising any further, and it all ended with a very dramatic threat that if I didn't strip out all these people there would be no wedding..!
I don't know what to do, I feel very much stuck in a scenario wherein I need and want to keep both people happy, but have no ability to do this, and either way someone is