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Depression and anxiety ruining my wedding planning

Sorry for the heavy topic. I don't normally like bothering people with stuff like this, but I'm struggling so much I don't know what to do anymore. I have always suffered from depression, and this episode started just over a month ago. It's absolutely ruining what should be such an exciting time. I'm getting married in less than five weeks, and it's just dragging me down so much that whenever anyone mentions the wedding or I have to do any planning, I start shaking and crying. It's got to the point where I'm so convinced I will have a terrible time  on the wedding day that I'm afraid it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's already spoiled my hen party.

I'm considering going back to the doctor but I don't know what they can do. I've been on loads of different medications which have never worked, and I'm a bit wary of trying a new one which could mess with my mind so close to the wedding. I've had counselling but that only makes it worse. I'm on a waiting list for CBT.

I know these things always pass, but it's so difficult to see the light at the end of this tunnel. Unfortunately, I do not live near family, and my closest friends are all going through their own things at the moment so I don't want to bother them.

I'm not sure whether I'm looking for advice or support in this post, or whether I'm just splurging how I feel in the hope that it will help.

Posts

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride

    I'm really sorry you're going through this. I went through something similar in the summer and luckily am out the other side of it for now.

    I won't take medication and I didn't qualify for NHS counselling, so I just try to eat well, get lots of exercise and fresh air and that really seems to help. I know it's hard to find motivation when you're in the depths of it, but try to go for a walk every day at least.

     

     

  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,355 New bride

    Please talk to your friends and fiancé. Just because they have things going on does not mean they don't care or don't want to help you. That is the depression talking making you think you're a burden to them. You're not.

    I would also go to the doctor. It sounds a bit like you're getting close to crisis and so they might be able to speed up your referrals and try some new medication that could just do the trick for you.

    I would also urge you to try counselling again, even if just in the short time before the wedding. It can take a while to find a therapist who fits you, but getting to the root cause of your issues will help in the long run.

  • I agree that I wouldn't try to change your medications this close to the wedding. There's a lot of risk in doing that. 

    I agree with Twiz that you should definitely give counselling another go, but with a caveat. Explain to the counsellor your state of mind but also explain that your wedding is in 5 weeks. I'd use the next few weeks to work with your counsellor on techniques to calm your anxiety and lift your mood through journaling, meditation, exercise, deep breathing, etc. I would refrain from digging too deep and really trying to unearth the root causes of your issues until after the wedding. I obviously have no idea what is causing your depression, but if it's something extremely serious, you probably don't want to start tackling that this shortly before your wedding. 

  • HamidHamid Posts: 36 New bride

    Oh so sorry to read about that.  Please do not let it overwhelm you.  Break all the things to be done into small pieces. Enjoy the process as those combined with the big days events will form the most memorable memories......best of luck. 

  • I'm sorry you're feeling this way so close to the wedding. If you dont feel comfortable going on medication thats totally your call and theres nothing wrong with that, they can really mess with you for the first few weeks. 

    I would realllllly recommend looking into some mindfulness and CBT techniques on your own. theres some great websites and apps that can help. 

    One of the biggest things i took away from CBT was checking in on why i felt things, so when i felt awful and anxious, for example like the day was going to be awful, i was told to drill it down. Why do i think it will be awful? try and narrow it down the exactly what it is thats makes you feel that way, and then see what evidence you have to support that feeling. Quite often you will realise you dont have the evidence to support it, and that helps it to go away a bit. I know it sounds silly, but it works, unlike just telling yourself "itll be fine" which never does much. 

    https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/step1.htm this website looks like it has some of the same things i was taught when i was sent for it. 

    Good luck, and remember to love yourself ok? You're doing a great job x

     

  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 943 New bride

    Thank you all for such kind comments and advice. I have gotten a call from the CBT people and I am at the top of the list, so can start treatment soon. Unfortunately, they only do sessions every two weeks, so even if I start ASAP I'll probably just get the two sessions in before the wedding. I've also contacted a health service through my job to see if I can do online CBT in the meantime. It took some persuading for them to agree to assess me for it. The problem is that everyone I try to talk to is just brushing it off as pre-wedding stress, which is not helpful at all. I try to explain that I have suffered from depression all my life so I know when it's just stress and when it's bad, and this is bad.

    I shall certainly have a look through the website, CoffeeDogAddict. Thank you for your suggestions.

    On the plus side, I managed some weight lifting and yoga tonight. My fiancé is also very supportive, as are my friends and colleagues. I may go to the doctor tomorrow morning.

  • Firstly can I just say that you are not alone, from human contact with your friends/family, to online contact with lots of very sympathetic women who are always there.

    Secondly, I'm a massive advocate for exercise to help with depression. Whilst I don't suffer with it myself, I do recognise the effect it has on my mood, especially when I've had a really shitty day at work. I can walk into the gym seething and walk out buzzing.

    I have also seen first hand how it has helped someone. My ex husband suffers from depression and tried to take his own life in 2017. He was placed in a secure unit and was taking some pretty strong drugs. At the start of this year I suggested he tried running and whilst it took him a LOT of encouragement and guts, he joined a local Fit Mums and Friends group with a friend and he's never looked back. He's now off all medication and the difference in him is astounding. He still has rough days, but he knows that a run with his friends gives him the support he needs as well as the physical benefits.

    He's also become a mental health ambassador for FM&F and give talks regularly about the positive effect running/exercise has on the human body/mind.

    Take care of yourself, I really hope you beat this horrible feeling xx

  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 943 New bride

    Feeling a bit better today. Had to have a follow up procedure done on my mouth this morning which showed that the wound was healing, which is great, but I do have to go back for more surgery in four weeks (five days before my wedding!).

    I'm trying to sort a list of everything left that needs to be done for the wedding so that I can prioritise the things that need to be sorted now and those that can wait until the week of the wedding, which I have booked off, so hopefully it'll all be easier to deal with.

    I felt a spark of excitement again about the wedding this afternoon, so hopefully if I fan that enough I will start to get through this. Thinking of going shopping for cheap Christmas decorations after work to add to the winter wonderland feel we're hoping to create!

    Thanks again for all your support. It does help.

  • OmRum wrote (see post):

    Feeling a bit better today. Had to have a follow up procedure done on my mouth this morning which showed that the wound was healing, which is great, but I do have to go back for more surgery in four weeks (five days before my wedding!).

    I'm trying to sort a list of everything left that needs to be done for the wedding so that I can prioritise the things that need to be sorted now and those that can wait until the week of the wedding, which I have booked off, so hopefully it'll all be easier to deal with.

    I felt a spark of excitement again about the wedding this afternoon, so hopefully if I fan that enough I will start to get through this. Thinking of going shopping for cheap Christmas decorations after work to add to the winter wonderland feel we're hoping to create!

    Thanks again for all your support. It does help.

    So pleased to hear that, look after yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help with all the last minute tasks!

  • Abby40Abby40 Posts: 24 New bride
    I'm so sorry to hear you're having a difficult time. I agree with a lot of what others have said regarding eating well and exercise. I suffer with anxiety and depression and find healthy eating and running helps a lot! It makes me feel good and as if I'm giving my body and mind some love. Running isn't for everyone, but any form of exercise (weight lifting, yoga, zumba etc) can lift your mood. I have days where I have to force myself to put my trainers on, but after I've been for a run, I'm like a different person. Someone once told me to keep a diary of things that I'd done that day (could be anything) and the effect it had on me mentally. That way, when my mood was low, I could try the things that had a positive effect on me again. Could something like that help, as it's something you could do right away?
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