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Bridesmaid let down



I just wanted to start off by saying that I got married 3 weeks ago and it was amazing! But in the whole process of getting married and planning our dream day. I lost what I thought was a really good friend. 


I like to think that I'm not someone who asks much of people but will always go above and beyond for people I are about and I foolishly thought that my best friend of 11 years would do the same. 

It all started when I asked her to be my maid of honour, it was an obviously choice seen as we had been through so much together. Well it started off silly with things like when she came to visit, she didn't say one word about the wedding, I couldn't wait to talk things over with her and make plans and share excitement but she had no interest whatsoever. Even my now husband noticed and that's saying something ! 


She literally did nothing to help plan the wedding with my other bridesmaids questioning why she wasn't involved in planning or even enthusiastic about anything 

I then was informed that she wasn't coming to my hen 3 days after all of my other girls knew. She waited for someone else to tell me and then blamed others for making her look bad. At this point I was really upset. Not so much at her not being able to go but that she let someone else be the fall guy and not having the guys to tell me herself. To make things worse her excuse was she couldn't afford it (fair enough) but literally had just gone on holiday and had expensive meals out with her new boyfriend. That hurt a lot. I would have sacrificed a few things to be there for her. Especially because I lived away. (4 hour drive) 

I said I wanted ididnt want her to be bridesmaid as at this point I couldn't trust her. Her new boyfriend blocked me off all social media after being invited to the wedding I asked if she was still coming to the wedding and she said she was but he didn't want to as he thought I was being a bitch. 

Two days before the wedding she informs me that she's wearing black trousers and a white blouse to my ceremony. I tried to tell her politely that I think all other people are dressing up and that may be she should wear the dress she wore for a friend's wedding. 


A day before the wedding she texts me and asked if her boyfriend can come after all and that he would talk to me to apologise on the day of the wedding. I lost it at this point and said you can't block me and slag me off and expect to be fed and have a good time! She calls me a bridezilla and a bitch and that she won't come to wedding because I don't want her new boyfriend there. Who I have never met and who doesn't even like me ! 


End of story. She didn't come. She didn't congratulate me and has said nothing since 


I have been so happy with my new husband but now the wedding bubble is deflating and I don't know what to do about it as I miss her. She's a friend but I feel so let down and hurt. 


What do I do ? 






  • I'm so sorry. I dont know that i can really offer much advice, but from what youve said it sounds like you were perfectly reasonable the whole time, and for whatever reason she just wasnt. 

    Her BF wanting to come the day before even though he was a childish ass is just mad - you did the right thing and if she picked him over you, then she needs to re-assess her values in life. 

    If you feel like you want to try and air things out, you could try and arrange a call or chat or something just to see why she didnt come in the end? If you actually ask "why didnt you come?" then she has to give a reason, and if that reason is "you wouldnt let mt boyfriend come" then you have the right to say he declined at RSVP stage, and you thought as you were such good friends she would be willing to come without him, and youre hurt that she didnt. 

    Shes been an idiot, and im sorry youve been so let down. x

  • I agree with CoffeeDogAddict you were 100% reasonable and very patient indeed! I'm so sorry you were let down in this way.

    If you really want to salvage the friendship I would try getting in contact and arrange a meet up, it would probably be best to have this conversation face to face. But if she's still being unreasonable, you should consider whether you really want to maintain your friendship with someone like that :/

  • I think sometimes weddings bring out the truth in people, and if it were me I may be thinking the damage is done by this point. You do sound like you‘ve really been let down. 

    I have to say that I think not being involved in the planning or getting too excited isn’t a sign of a bad bridesmaid. I know it’s quite hard to get excited about other people’s weddings, and I do believe that bridesmaids shouldnt be expected to do anything other than turn up on the day. Also, I imagine you telling her what to wear even after she’s been demoted as a bridesmaid would have ruffled her feathers, I’m not sure you should have done that. Could there have been other things coming from you like this causing tension between you? I sort of find it hard to believe there wasn’t some bad behaviour on both sides to provoke such behaviour from her. However, the hen do is disappointing and her boyfriend’s actions aren’t on. 

    I would probably send a message saying it would be good to catch up and smooth over a few things as you’d like to build bridges, and take it from there. Sometimes people’s reactions to you extending an olive branch can say a lot about whether the relationship is worth rebuilding. 

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