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Did I ruin her wedding?

I'm not sure if this is the place to vent goes. 

Recently I was maid of honour for a good friend from university. I helped do all the maid of honor things; chose colours, made macrame hanging things, chose dresses, went to fittings, tasted wine,
bought reception extras etc.. 

On the day I messed up a few things; opened the wrong bottle of champagne, didnt get the other bridesmaids dressed in time, didnt bring games for the bus ride (that wasn't my job), acted like miss popularity, didnt bring my fast asleep son a.k.a. page boy down the aisle, then brought him to the photos, got sloppy at the reception, and generally didnt support the way I was supposed to. All this while making sure the wedding planner stayed away from the bride cos the bride was going to kill her. 

For all this my friend has dumped me. Said my behaviour was disgusting, that I ruined her wedding, and that our friendship should have died years ago.

I've been stewing in an anxiety ridden mess ever since because of course I didnt want to ruin her wedding, and how does someone ask you to be their maid of honor when secretly they wish your friendship was over. I am so paranoid now that any of my current friends could just as easily decide they wanna dump me too. 

I guess I wanted to vent and ask....did I ruin her day? 


  • No one will ever know that really except her. If she thinks you ruined her day that's a shame, because you were one person out of the whole day, and she still got married to her partner, so it cant have been that bad. 

    Maybe shes just feeling shitty now its all over, maybe she really does want the friendship over, but i think you're best to leave it, she sounds like she isn't going to be someone that helps you with your self esteem. I personally don't know why you'd ask someone to be maid of honour if you think the friendship should've died ages ago, but that's just me. 
  • It sounds like she ruined her own day tbh. All the things she's highlighted sound really unimportant in the scheme of things. I think she had unreasonable expectations that you would be some sort of mind reader and that she was to be the most important person in the entire world for that one day.

    She can't expect you to be a mind reader - if people aren't getting ready quick enough then she needs to mention it. I did on my wedding day to hurry things along when we were getting short of time! She also can't reasonably expect you to wake a sleeping child so he can trudge down an aisle. Also,if she cared about what bottle of champagne was to be opened she should have made sure she specified! Again, you're not a mind reader.

    No wedding is ever completely perfect, and things do go wrong. Loads of things went wrong on my day but it didn't really affect my enjoyment. I think she built things up way too much and is obsessing over the minor details. It isn't your fault you didn't match up to her unreasonable idea of what a bridesmaid should be. Bridesmaids are allowed to be excited and forgot to do things. Bridesmaids are allowed to enjoy themselves. It's a party at the end of the day and she totally needs to get over herself.
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 951 New bride
    I agree with the above - it sounds like she's on a downer after the wedding and is taking it out on you. The fact is, unless you are a paid member of staff who was told to do all these things (i.e. wedding planner, bar staff), then you can only do the best you can and not be blamed when things go wrong.
  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride
    Nothing you've listed sounds that bad, certainly it's nothing other guests will have noticed!
  • I would let it go. You are/were a friend, not a hired hand. I'm sorry but there is no "job description" listing the things the MOH is "expected" to do and from what you're detailed, you're done about 10x more things than 90% of the other MOHs I've heard of.  It's not your "job" to open the "right" alcohol; you don't "have" to wake your sleeping son if you don't want to; it's def not a requirement to bring/make up games for some bus ride; and it's your right to drink at the reception if you want to.  As someone already said, if she thinks these things were the make-it-or-break-it items for her wedding to be amazing, that's a problem she has, not you.  She married her partner and all the rest is just icing on the cake.

    It's allowable to be disappointed that not everything goes exactly to plan; it's not allowable to make a close friend feel like [email protected] that it's all her fault.
  • Thank you all for your very sensible words of support. It has been a massive help to hear them. 
  • Ambam19Ambam19 Posts: 589 New bride
    I'm sorry this has happened to you. 
    If my bridesmaids did these to me, would it be a bit irritating? R
    Probably as I know I'm highly strung but they're my friends and idol know they're trying their best for me and my fi to get married and have a lovely day x
  • Bridetobe2020Bridetobe2020 Posts: 89 New bride
    edited December 2018
    Definitely sounds like she's got a case of the wedding blues. This is not your fault at all. It doesn't matter how much we try to plan the day out, something is bound to go wrong, through no fault of our own. It's one thing to say you ruined her day but to tell you that the friendship should have died years ago says alot about what kind of person she really is. I know it's easier said than done but it sounds as though you are better off with out a friend like that ♥️♥️ big hugs to you xxxx
  • I don’t think you ruined her day at all. I probably wouldn’t have noticed any of those things on my wedding day. I would maybe have been a bit disappointed that the page boy wasn’t awake to walk down the aisle, but it’s done now - plus children are unpredictable. She sounds like the issues are with her. This is exactly why I didn’t ask a lot of my bridesmaids or give them many tasks on the day other than help me wee and pick confetti out my hair! I don’t believe bridesmaids should be on “duty” like workers at a wedding, they have to enjoy it too like any other guest. 
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