Plus ones?? Peoples thoughts please...

Hi,

So we have booked an expensive venue for our wedding and have had to be really tight with our guest list. We have allowed ourselves originally 30 guests each but i have a very big family and my list has quickly grew.

Traditionally, off course peoples partners come as plus ones and originally this was the plan.

However, looking over the list we realised we made an error and did not include ourselves in the budget and along with that I have had to not invite some of my very good friends in order for my other good friends to bring their partners?

For example, one of my bridesmaids... I have met her partner once but as i am very close to her so i felt obliged to invite her other half. 
Another one of my best friends partners doesn't even like me! and has openly said that to my other friends... So I kind of feel like although I take my friends relationships seriously and i know they are in it for the long run, Should i be prioritizing their partners coming (who i hardly know or like me) over other good friends that i would love to be there? 

I want to be able to enjoy my day surrounded by family friends who love me, and I feel like due to the plus one rule I am excluding people who i would like to be there in order to accommodate partners. 

To put things in perspective, EVERYONE would be welcome to the evening reception which starts at 7.30pm, it is only the Ceremony and Meal (which costs £70 per person) that i am struggling with. I am currently working 7 days a week to pay for the wedding and feel like I'm working so hard but not everyone I want is going to be there and in their place there will be people i dont know? 

Posts

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride
    Tell them their partners can come to the evening. That would be fine with me. 
  • MrsPope2018MrsPope2018 Posts: 1,352 New bride
    Ive been to lots of weddings where my OH has only been invited to the evening because the bride and groom don't know him very well, and the same the other way round and we've always been happy with that. I'd say invite the people you really want there not just because you feel you have to. 
  • Thank-you. Reassuring that i'm not just being a terrible person so far!
  • MrsPope2018MrsPope2018 Posts: 1,352 New bride
    Your definatley not. Guest lists are always impossible.there will always be someone that has something to say but it's your day and you need to do what makes you happy. Easier said than done I know if people are putting pressure on you. 
  • CavalierBrideCavalierBride Posts: 353 New bride
    edited December 2018
    The plus one debate is hard! 

    I’ve played around with a few criteria, broadly speaking we’re asking plus ones/partners if the relationship is an existing one as of now (or might make that as of when invites go out in the summer) and we have both met the partner. We’ve said we’ll not do ‘and guest’ type invitations to single people just so they can cast around trying to find someone to bring, but that’s because everyone will be with either be with a family group or a friendship groups so nobody should be on their own. So R’s uni mates will not get plus 1, even the married ones, because I’ve not met their partners and because they’ll all be at a table together anyway - this is how it’s been for the last few of their weddings when R went but I didn’t get an invite (which I understood). Apart from the Best Man who falls into that category, but I’m good friends with his partner so she’s invited to the whole thing. 

    I don’t know if that’s an ok line to draw, in a perfect world we’d invite everyone but we don’t have the budget or the space. Everyone is invited to the evening though. We’re a way off the invite stage yet so may change our minds on some - for example my (adult) niece, she doesn’t currently have a partner but if she meets someone in the meantime I’ll probably invite them, I'm very close to her and she’s doing me a huge favour doing my hair on the day so I don’t want to be stingy there. My MOH is currently single but if she met someone they’d get an invite. 

    Nobody who had been mouthing off about how they don’t like me would be invited to any part of my wedding though, fuck that. 
  • sooooo helpful!!! You’re basically the same as me, as I am drawing the line with partners I haven’t met and ones who have bad mouthed me, so helpful Thankyou 
  • We said that partners who we both knew, or who our friends had made the effort to introduce us to and involve in plans etc we’d invite. This turned out to be nearly everyone’s but a few that we hadn’t met much came to the evening. I think that’s fine - especially if they would be attending over people who love you and you really want there! 
  • We had this problem with people asking to invite their partners that we didn’t know and our venue has a limited number of spaces for the day and evening.
    I think aslong as people are not coming alone and know someone else it’s fine not to give them a plus one, then just invite the plus one to the evening. We gave the bridal party plus ones though. I definitely wouldn’t invite the partner of the friend who said they don’t like you.
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