Flower Girl Worries

Hi everyone,

I’m just after a bit of friendly advice. Me and my fiancé have been engaged for over a year now and are getting married in 2020. We have asked my fiancé’s niece to be a flower girl, however we are now having second thoughts.

She is a very spirited girl and likes to be the centre of everyone’s attention to the point where she consistently disobeys her parents.

Me and my fiancé are now concerned that she will ruin our ceremony and possibly the dinner and reception and I do not know what to do.

we have discussed the possibility of not allowing her to be a flower girl and it’s getting to the point where we do not know if we want her at the wedding.

My concerns are that she is my fiancé’s niece and he wants his brother as a groomsman and we are having two other flowegirls!

can anyone just offer some advice, please, I feel like my head is going to explode, many thanks x

Posts

  • The flowergirl at my prev wedding pretty much did just what you described.  Her mum lets her do as she please - which on my wedding day included shrieking and running around whilst I got ready.  This was seriously stress-adding because my own mum and sister got stuck in road construction and got to the venue extremely late (so I was getting dressed last minute).  Shortly before I was supposed to head up to the ceremony site, she ran into a wall (seriously) and started screaming. 
    The ceremony itself was worse.  I had specifically asked her mum (my SIL) to have a chair ready for her and to bring her over to the chair (right in the front row) once the ceremony started.  She left her up on the alter with us. She proceeded to dance & jump around the ENTIRE ceremony, including during our vows, most of the time which she was ON the train of my dress.  I'm not kidding you, there isn't a single picture during our ceremony where she isn't essentially photobombing us.  At one point during our vows, she was treading on my dress and veil so much, I had to stop. I would add that I did not want children in the wedding party and that our entire wedding was actually child-free other than my OH's older children.

    At a wedding in my previous husband's family, the flowergirl and other children in the wedding party decided it was an excellent idea to dash up the stairs to the stage (where the band was) and HURL themselves onto the polished dance floor below.  They did this for literally hours and not one of their parents stopped them.  This was after they had finished screaming and running around hiding under the table linens.  I don't know about you, but I'm not fond of pageboys under the table by my skirt/ legs...

    My point here is that if you are concerned, take your concerns seriously.  It is a sticky situation if you have already asked the other two girls/ families as flowergirls.  If it were me, I would actually just go with none of them doing it over having the kind of disaster I had.  Alternatively, they could be "flowergirls" perhaps in dress but not in "duties."  Don't have them walk down the aisle, but let them have a fancy dress perhaps? 

    PM me if you want to see my photobombed pictures.  I'm pretty sure I still have them.

  • MrsGtoBMrsGtoB Posts: 712 New bride
    You have quite a while before the wedding and children change so much, how old is she?

    Have you spoke to her parents to see what they think? With it being his niece and you having other flower girls I think it would look really rude to not invite her the only way you could is to have no children but then you would risk one of the parents not coming if they can't get a babysitter.


  • MrsHowgateMrsHowgate Posts: 1,426 New bride
    edited December 2018
    Our flower girl was my MOH little girl and she was 2.5 years old. She had tantrums and everything in the run up to the wedding but on the day she was as good as gold, didn’t play up and didn’t make a sound. You still have a while to go until your wedding and anything can happen until then.
  • If I’m honest, I think it’s a bit extreme to not invite the little girl, especially if all the rest of the family will be there. Kids are kids, but is she really that badly behaved that she would upstage on the day? If so, I think preparation and support from other adults is your best bet. Speak to her parents and set up a plan so that there’s somewhere to they can take her if she gets overwhelmed during the speeches or the ceremony, make sure they really prep her about how a wedding works and what will happen during the day. How old is she? As others have said, she will probably grow up a lot before 2020. 

    We had our two and a half year old niece and five year old nephew, and they were amazing on the day! A wedding is such a big event with lots of people for them, so sometimes I think they can be a bit more subdued just taking everything in! 
  • Thank you everyone for your advice. The last thing we want is to cause a riff in the family, so we are not disinviting her to the wedding! And I realise when I wrote that yesterday, that it was very extreme.

    But we have decided to talk to my fiancé’s mum about it, the little girl seems to respond best to her, and she will take care of her during the day. We are also going to speak to her parents (gently!) and take them through the order of the day and what will be available for kids (games, colouring table, etc).

    We have also decided it would be a good idea to take her to look at dresses and express the importance of the day and that she needs to be an example to the other flower girls and maybe even give her a couple of small reasonsbilities on the day.

    she is currently 5 years old, but will be 7 by the time of the wedding. I am going to make sure we see her more over the course of the next year and actively praise positive behaviour! I might also get her a special little gift, which she can have if she is a good girl at the wedding.

    Thank you once again for everyone’s input xx
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