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Hen party let down

Hi guys,

Bare with me here.... I just need to have a little rant as I’m truly upset about the lack of common decency made by my friends.

im getting married in March (YAY) and the first thing that was done when we announced - a WhatsApp group was set up by my friends who all whooped and cheered for a hen party! 

I initially said, I would like something local so there would be no fuss and little spending for all involved. 
I was straight away slapped down by all 12 girls who said we should make a weekend of it and go away.

i point blank refused to go out of the country as i find the expense to be abit  ridiculous, but said I’d be happy for us to go out of town to a sleeping yet lively night life town.

my friend organised a cottage for us all to stay at for 3 nights. Costing £95pp everyone agreed and paid the £25deposit - all good. (Baring in mind this was all booked and agreed 11 months ago!) 

this month my MOH requested the £77 to be paid in full to her as all the remaining balance is due next week. Most were obliging and did it straight away, except for 5 of them. I messaged, rang, messaged again. Nothing. When they finally plucked up the courage to contact me back they all come up with lame excuses that they could no longer come and removed themselves from the WhatsApp group! 

I didnt want want this to begin with, they pushed for this and now theyve buggered off... leaving me with having to find £385 in a week!

im so upset and angry with them... am I right to feel this way? Should I have foreseen this? 

My MOH said that I should tell them to pay up anyway, as they should have given me more time? Thoughts? Help...


  • Katy81Katy81 Posts: 31 New bride
    I had someone who was going to drop out of my hen party weekend away and I told them as it was short notice money would still be needed to cover the cost they then changed there mind and came so I would def be telling them to pay xx
  • I'm also getting married in March, I've got my hen do at the end of January.  I can't believe how quickly time is going now.

    I've been straight with anyone possibly cancelling on my hen do, I told them that if I couldn't get someone to take their place, they would still need to pay for it.  My youngest sister now can't come, she's only £35 off paying the balance and I really don't think I'll be able to get someone to take her place.  Luckily, when I originally booked the hen do, I managed to get the price down from the first quote I gave everyone, but I didn't tell anyone this, as I thought the extra cash would come in handy if someone dropped out or it could be used for booze / food in the apartments.  So I'll use some of this to cover what's left from my sister and still have £50 for some bottles of prosecco.

    I would go in easy first of all and explain that they still need to pay, as it's unreasonable to expect anyone else to cover the money for them, especially if it comes down to you paying when you're footing the bill for the whole wedding.  It's they're still not being reasonable, go in hard and explain that you actually did this for them and that they're really leaving you in the lurch - maybe even suggest that any extra money paid by you would mean cutting a few numbers from the wedding day (although this may be a bit to drastic).
  • Julia101Julia101 Posts: 162 New bride
    Unfortunately I've heard of this happening to a few people. A friend of mine ended up out of pocket when she organised another friends hen weekend as a few people dropped out and she then had to make up the difference, it was very unfair. I'd be telling them that the balance still needs to be paid as it is too short notice now to cancel their places. It sounds like none of them have a good excuse and I'd probably consider not inviting them to the wedding too if they are happy to drop you in it... 😕
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride

    They agreed to the booking, so they need to honour it and pay for themselves, if their places can't be cancelled.

    I've twice had to drop out of hen dos for various reasons, and I've still sucked it up and paid the money I owed.

  • I've heard of this happening a LOT.  Everyone is all gung ho excited at the beginning, and then months later when the bill is finally due and they need to make arrangements to actually be there...suddenly people start dropping like flies.
    I would contact each lady individually and explain that at this point, the monies due are non-refundable, and it's either up to them to pay their share or the burden will fall directly on you. I don't see how, when posed like this, anyone would think it fair to tell you to cover it.
  • Thank you all for your responses and support. 
    I called each one today and said that as it’s only a weeks notice they would still need to pay. 
    Each one of them, refused saying the physically don’t have the money. (Like i have and that I can just whip up £300+ in a week) 

    I said, that they were the ones who have pushed this not me, they agreed to the amount, time and have paid the deposit and now ONE WEEK before the balance is due, they can’t afford it?? 

    I even offered to pay it, so that they could repay me next payday. They ALL declined saying they don’t like to borrow money (it’s like they’ve planned it)... I’m so so hurt as I don’t have another option now. I refuse to make my other friends pay for something that is not their fault. It would be an extra £55 for them, and I don’t think it’s fair at all. 

    Do I want people like this in my life? Let alone wedding. Yes, it’s only money, but it’s money (with a massive wedding and house renovation ongoing) that we just can’t spare. 

    If never ever ever do this to someone. 
  • They’re being totally unreasonable! Are they all long term friends / colleagues / casual friends? Are they in a little group themselves?  It would be a real shame to fall out with long term friends over money, but if they’re casual friends and are treating you like this then I would say, no, you don’t need people like that at your wedding.  If they’re long term friends it’s a bit more tricky.

    its not fair to put it on your other friends, but I would just be honest about the situation. I’d send a group message to everyone else explaining these people have pulled out and are refusing to pay, you’ve tried to speak to them and they’re not being reasonable and say that as you will now have to foot the bill, does anyone know of any last minute people who could take their place for the cost minus the deposits already paid. Even if you only fill one space, it’s a help, and you never know, they others may offer to help you out with the rest.
  • I agree with @Jessica Rabbit  it's absolutely worth trying to find other people who might want to attend. 

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've never had the fortune to have large groups of female friends, so I've never had a hen, but I have experienced things exactly like this at work, where I organise something "everyone" wants to do, and then am left holding the bag when time comes to pay/attend.  It's a horrible way to treat people.  If these are not LTfriends, I would be tempted to not invite them to the wedding...sorry, the money spent on the botched hen went to cover the price of your plate...

  • No, they don’t really know each other that well... Two are cousins of mine that I’ve grown up with; I have gone out of my way to organise their birthdays and even sorted one of their child’s christenings out which cost me a fair bit... but I thought that’s what family is meant to do for each other? 
    The other two are good friends who were the ones who were really pushing to go abroad! Thank god I had the sense to say no to that...

    its not not even about the money at this point. It’s the lack of respect and common decency- I’m bewildered as to why they thought it appropriate to leave me in this situation. 

    Yes, that’s a fab idea... I’ll do that’s now. I’ll even do it for a discounted rate if someone else pops along and fills the empty space, at least it would cut some of the cost for me. Thank you for that 😊😊
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