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Would you feel the same way?

Hi, 

I'm new around here but would really welcome some opinions on this. 

My fiance and I got engaged Valentines Day 2018 which was great! I was caught by surprise and everything was perfect. We have been together just over 2 years and have started the planning process with earnest. We have a venue booked for 15th Feb 2020 (nearest Saturday to our engagements date). 

However... my sister who is my only sibling has also recently got engaged a couple of months after me. She and her fiance have been together about 14 years and have made no inkling that they were looking to progress towards marriage, even though I know my sister has always wanted it to. 

I am really happy for my sister as I want her to be happy (even though I am not keen on her partner). However, I think they are now planning their wedding for the same year but a couple of months after mine. 

Now I know I don't have a monopoly over when people can get engaged and married but am I wrong to be a little bit annoyed? and feel like the shine has been rubbed off a little bit as both our engagement and weddings have and will be so close together in terms of time frames? I know this isn't anything to do with my sister as she didn't propose to herself! but it just make me wonder why her partner has proposed now of all the time considering they have been together so long already.

I kind of feel that everyone will be comparing both our engagements, rings and weddings etc as everything is happening so close together and as I said there is only the two of us as siblings. I can't help feeling like it would have been nice to have our parents and us as siblings attention on one wedding at a time instead of two at the same time as I would want to support my sister in her planning and get excited for her instead of thinking and planning my own at the same time.  

My sister and I have very similar tastes and obviously nearing 50% of the guest will be the same at both weddings. 

As I said they do as they please, I love my sister and want them to be happy together and I would never dream of saying anything to them but just wanted others opinion if you were in my situation would you feel the same too? or am i being silly? 

Thanks  


Posts

  • MrsGtoBMrsGtoB Posts: 712 New bride
    I don't think anyone will compare.  We have 4 couples in the same friend group getting married in the same 12 month period. It would be different if it was the same week but a few months is fine.

    Maybe look at it as a positive that you have someone to share ideas with and go to wedding shows etc that will have a better interest xx
  • No, I wouldn't.  As you even admit, it's not like there's a moratorium put out on weddings the year you marry, the same on babies the year you have one, the same on the year you were engaged, etc.  All brides are special and unique, just as are all babies, all new homes, etc. 

    The only thing I can see "competing" is if you both are thinking there could be a parental financial contribution; if your parents don't have monies set aside and are expected to make two cash contributions in the same time frame, you might each get less than if you were marrying years apart.  If they have funds set aside or are pretty well set financially, or if you plan to pay for your own big days, this is a moot point. 

    Just make sure you coordinate plans so that dress appointments, hen do's, etc., don't fall on the same days or too close.  There's no need to create undue resentment or tension, when it can easily be avoided by comparing diaries in advance.
  • No honestly I wouldn’t, a few months is actually quite a gap, and I don’t think there will be much comparison going on assuming you don’t go for the same venue or anything. I can appreciate why you’d worry about it, but I think you just have to spin it as double the excitement, dress shopping etc and you can help and support each other and share ideas.

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride

    I can see why there is an initial worry, but it will be fine. One of my OH's best friends is getting married 3 weeks after us and only announced it a few weeks ago, and it's been fine so far, even though about 40% of guests are the same at both weddings. Some slight grumblings from guests about having to pay for hotels and find babysitters twice in a month but nothing major.

    There has been a bit of negotiation around stag dos, my fiancé was asked if he would go on the other groom's stag do either the weekend before or the weekend after our wedding (to accommodate a friend who lives in the USA, they wanted him to attend both events in one trip) and I refused as we'll be on mini-moon the weekend after our wedding, and the weekend before he will need to look after our son while I run round like a mad woman doing last minute things no doubt. I think they've now arranged it for another time he's back on a work trip.

    As long as you are reasonable and communicate clearly without getting annoyed if there is a diary clash, it should all pan out fine.

  • Thanks everyone!
  • Pisces91Pisces91 Posts: 216 New bride
    Yeah, I think it's fine. My cousin got engaged on the same weekend as me and we're getting married months apart. 

    Luckily, we have such different tastes that our weddings will be very different. I'm looking forward to theirs and I know they're looking forward to mine. We've bonded a lot over wedding chat! It's quite nice. 
  • I felt a similar way to you except I was in the opposite situation! My OH and I have been together longer than my sister and her OH at the time. We got engaged 24/12/2017 and planned our wedding for Nov 2019 then my sister got 'engaged' around September 2018 time and stated she wanted a summer 2019 wedding.

    Obviously and irrationally (I completely accept that I was irrational), I was fuming but didn't mention to her how I was feeling. Obviously I was very happy for her because if she's happy then I'm happy. But although I had a feeling that her relationship with her OH was unlikely to go the distance, I still felt that the shine had been taken from me and my OH who've been together much longer and are much more stable. Also, as the eldest, I felt that she should let me have my wedding first!

    Unfortunately (or fortunately because he was an arsehole to her), they've both now split up and are no longer together but I couldn't help but feel that it should've been my day first. Looking back, it's so stupid to feel that way but hey ho!

    A few months apart will be absolutely fine! I was intent on keeping my dress and all my plans a secret but when I realised our weddings would have been in two different seasons, they were unlikely to be similar anyway. Enjoy the moment and the time you two can spend together planning your weddings! :) x

    Engaged - 24/12/2017 at Walt Disney World

    I do - 09/11/2019

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