A sulky hen-do whine...

Sorry ladies, this is a real downer and completely just me whining about something that really isn't important at all.. but it's just dawned on me and I guess I just need to complain... (I also feel like "emotional support" is a little dramatic for the circumstance but I couldn't think of what else to put this under lol!)

I cut off all of my female friends a few years ago. Long story but was one of the best things I've ever done for myself, very toxic two-faced bunch... not a nice place to be... very pleased to be out of it and having moved on from them.

This hasn't came without its downsides however... I literally have no female friends any more... I decided to choose my Mam and Nanna as bridesmaids as I thought this would be a nice way to include them in the wedding. However, when the subject of hen-do's was briefly brought up, my Mam (MoH) was very uncomfortable with the idea and made it very clear she wanted no part in planning it.

At the time, no big deal, I'm used to organising stuff so I'll just do it myself, right? But now it's kind of dawning on me how much I feel like I'm missing out... I'd love nothing more than to have a girly friend plan a surprise hen for me, and end up having a crazy typical cheesy party with blow up mens parts everywhere and a tacky fake veil, dancing, drinking, stupid games, all that... but I'll not have that... I have to plan my own and it'll likely just end up me and my Mam having a spa day.. which is lovely obviously but... just not what I'd really want..

I know there's nothing that can really be done about it and I probably sound like a bratty child stomping her feet because she's not getting what she wants.. but I just feel like I'm missing out on this... We didn't have an engagement party either which I really wanted to do and I felt like I was missing out with that too... I just wish I had someone to so that for me...

Sorry for the long and whiny post! Just needed a moan I think! 
Remember, when stressed, simply channel your inner Bridechilla: Take a sand bath, munch some veggies, then chew on a wooden stick... wait... no... that's a Chinchilla... 

My planning thread

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  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 867 New bride
    Don't feel sorry, you can't help it that this is making you feel a bit down.

    I've seen a lot of posts on here about people whose hen parties weren't what they had hoped they would be, myself included, so the Hen Party is obviously a rite of passage which it's okay to feel sad about not necessarily getting how you imagined it would be.

    Don't forget, you don't have to just invite women. If you have mainly male friends, there's no reason why they can't be involved in your party. Alternatively, you could invite ladies from your wedding guest list who you might not consider to be friends but who you could go get drinks with. It might be rubbish and awkward, or you might have a great time! What have you got to lose?

    Another option would be to combine your hen party with the stag - a lot of people do this now as so many people have joint friends. You could, for instance, go out during the day to the spa with your mum and then meet up with the boys in a pub afterwards.

    None of these suggestions really match the dream of blow-up toys and debauchery, alas! but there is absolutely no reason why you can't sit in the spa with a fake veil on either.
  • There are actually lots and lots of threads like yours; you aren't alone.  (I think I may have even started one of the exact same nature LOL).  
    There are a lot of us with few/ no female friends, for various reasons.  I work with all men and have done for pretty much my entire career.  I went to a non-traditional college so after we all graduated, everyone quickly drifted apart as no one was particularly close to begin with. I work a lot, have moved a lot, and so have never really had the time (or even the know-how) to "make" female friends.  My point is, you aren't the only one, and a lot of us (myself included) have just very few friends in general, or either gender.
    I completely understand how you feel, and you're right, it's not a particularly good feeling. It's not brat-iness, it's a kind of loneliness :/  
    Can I ask how long you have before your wedding? Is there time to try and make some female friends, even if they wouldn't be considered "besties" or long-timers?  Even if it's just the girls from yoga or co-workers, if you made some effort to get to know some of the females you already sort-of know, I doubt in a few months time (or longer if you have it) that they would turn down the chance to attend a hen.  Yes, you'd have to organise it, but at least you might have a few girls down for a local pub-hopping party.
    If that's not an option, yes, you'll end up probably doing the lunch/tea/spa thing with a mum/MIL/sister/SIL, but that's not the end of the world either. YOU at least get to pick your plans exactly how you want them.  And you will def avoid the OTT hen drama I see on this forum often. That is something to be thankful for!  
  • Thank you ladies for your advice and kind words, I really appreciate it! I think I was just on a bit of a downer about it and I feel a little better now, have discussed options and ideas with FH, I could still plan what I'd want as a surprise myself and werew even talking about maybe planning each others stag/hen dos so we both get a surprise but also don't have to worry about it being too overboard haha 
    Remember, when stressed, simply channel your inner Bridechilla: Take a sand bath, munch some veggies, then chew on a wooden stick... wait... no... that's a Chinchilla... 

    My planning thread
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